The ATC Report

"In Control" – Vol. XVI, No. 10

Here we are again. Season 16 of The Amazing Race and, once again, Steve & Dave are back to walk you through every episode. Or at least, every episode we feel like writing about. Come to think of it, we may not be around that much this year.

"In Control" – Vol. XV, No. 10

Let's play a game. We will give you six letters. You make a word out of the six letters. Pretty simple rules, huh?

"In Control" – Vol. XV, No. 9

So then there were three. Oh, wait a second! Then there were four - again.

"In Control" – Vol. XV, No. 8

The season is winding down, and there are only four teams left. Usually by now, everyone has their "favorite" team picked as well as the team that they hope gets eliminated next.

"In Control" – Vol. XV, No. 7

Last week we were wrong about the NEL. From the moment we saw previews for this week, we knew we wouldn't be wrong that this would actually be the NEL.

"In Control" – Vol. XV, No. 6

We fully expected to see a non-elimination leg this week. See? Even Steve & Dave can be wrong occasionally.

"In Control" – Vol. XV, No. 5

Recognize that? No, it's not a rare type of mushroom that grows underwater. It's not the newest creature from Super Mario Brothers, either. And it's definitely not proof that flying saucers are real.

"In Control" – Vol. XV, No. 4

Right. It seems as though we may have gone a bit overboard with the language this week. That, and our incessant complaining about some of the things that occurred this episode, have led to a rather unique "first" for this column.

“In Control” – Vol. XV, No. 3

Once again tonight's leg reminded us just how unique every season is. There were two things on this episode that we feel compelled to talk with you about.

"In Control" – Vol. XV, No. 2

Well, we're two episodes into the new season and we've finally started figuring out which teams are which, as well as who we like and who we're not so fond of.

In Control – Vol. XV, No. 1

CBS is a big filthy liar. There, we've said it.

"In Control" – Vol. XIV, No. 11

So, we have a final three. It’s kind of hard to tell the difference between the final three we have this week, and the final three we would have had last week, but we’re sure that there actually is one.

"In Control" – Vol. XIV, No. 10

Even though it has been a number of years since we were contestants on The Amazing Race, we (obviously) still watch the show. We still enjoy seeing the places they go, the things that they do, and most importantly, we still learn a thing or two

"In Control" Vol. XIV, No. 9

Tonight we learned that this upcoming Pit Stop was going to be the most exciting one ever!

"In Control" Vol. XIV, No. 8

So anyhow, please bear with us and we will begin in about 40 minutes from now. Here - we don't want all of you to have to waste time waiting for us to start, so why not go do something else for the next forty minutes, and then come back.

"In Control" Vol. XIV, No. 7

This leg the race went to Thailand. Phuket was the town where they’d land. They had to beware, (say the name with some care) Or by the network the show would be banned.

“In Control” – Vol. XIV, No. 6

We admit to being a little perplexed about this episode. Since the teams finished in Russia at the end of last leg, we assumed that they would be starting there this episode.

“In Control” Vol. XIV, No. 5

There are SO many things we need to talk about after this episode, and we’re going to try and get to them all. Let’s start with a series of Russian weddings.

“In Control” – Vol. XIV, No. 4

We have nothing this episode. No really. Nothing. We thought about an English to Russian phrasebook. It went nowhere. You can only do so many Chekhov gags.

“In Control” – Vol. XIV, No. 3

Boy, do we empathize with Brad and Victoria. They made a move at an airport that they thought would keep them in the running, possibly even gain them a little ground, and what happens? Eliminated.

“In Control” – Vol. XIV, No. 2

First things first. Thanks for all of the comments on our last column. We really do appreciate it, and it means quite a bit to us to know that you're reading.

"In Control" – Vol. XIV, No. 1

We'll be honest with you. We weren't sure we would be back this season. We still aren't.

“In Control” – Vol. XIII, No. 10

So the lost passports and money did have an effect on the Race. Toni & Dallas are no more, and the remaining three teams include Dan & Andrew. Sometimes there is no justice.

“In Control” – Vol. XIII, No. 9

For this column, Steve & Dave have decided to "return to their roots."

"In Control" - Vol. XIII, No. 7 & 8

Some of you may have noticed that we decided to take last week off. We suspect that the number is pretty small, though.

"In Control" - Vol. XIII, No. 6

In the past, we've given all you prospective racers some hints about how to cope with the things you will see while running The Amazing Race. Most anyone should be able to do well on the race using the information we've provided to date.

"In Control" - Vol. XIII, No. 5

Last Wednesday, Steve and Dave lost a good friend and former co-worker to the side effects of alcoholism. First his liver shut down, then his kidneys, and finally he followed suit. That's it. No jokes. No laughs. There really isn't anything funny to say.

"In Control" - Vol. XIII, No. 4

We could (and should probably) write about this week's episode, but we're still bummed about the exit of Mark & Bill last week.

"In Control" - Vol. XIII, No. 3

We had too many things to work with this episode. First, we had "sportsbra-gate" (we expect that one to show up again). Then, we had "readyourcluedummy-gate".

"In Control" - Vol. XIII, No. 2

From all across the country, we could hear the wailing, "How can you POSSIBLY be so blind as to miss a marked path to the taxis?"

"In Control" - Vol. XIII, No. 1

We would like to open this column with an apology. That's right, Steve and Dave are most humbly sorry. You see, it's been a while since we wrote one of these, and we sort of forgot that we actually had to send it IN for it to show up on TARflies.

"In Control" - Vol. XII, No. 10

Last season we had a spoiler. OK, it was better than just an average spoiler; it was an actual boot list. From start to finish, we knew who would be leaving the race next. Our spoiler was SO good, that we even had to use "spoiler tags" in the column where we made our picks for the winners.

"In Control" - Vol. XII, No. 9

Anyone claiming that they were actually surprised by tonight's NEL? OK, anyone claiming that they were actually surprised when TK and Rachel's flight got them into Osaka so far behind everyone else? Na, we didn't think so.

"In Control" - Vol. XII, No. 8

We're rather bummed, to be honest. The spoilers we heard were all filthy lies (as it turns out), and now our favorite team has been eliminated. And still we have to get through another column.

"In Control" - Vol. XII, No. 7

Two weeks since the last TAR, and we are welcomed back with…a non-elimination leg??? Why, that's just like Steve and Dave taking the same two weeks off and coming back with…a re-run of a column from TAR6!

"In Control" - Vol. XII, No. 6

We give up. Six episodes (including the last one) and seven prompt columns into the new season and we can't seem to get hardly any reaction at all out of the readers at TARflies.

"In Control" - Vol. XII, No. 5

Several seasons ago, we told you about some of the lesser-known clues that racers might encounter while on The Amazing Race. (You should realize that when we say “told you about” we actually mean, “made up and put in our column”.)

"In Control" - Vol. XII, No. 4

OK, we’re into the twelfth season of The Amazing Race, and by now you should have learned a few things.

"In Control" - Vol. XII, No. 3

That's right, look at it and drool. What you are seeing is a copy of the letter that we recently received from CBS - granting us the right to interview each of the eliminated teams.

"In Control" - Vol. XII, No. 2

Since the advent of High Definition TV, we've often wondered exactly what you "Low-Def" types have been seeing when watching The Amazing Race.

"In Control" - Vol. XII, No. 1

Hey, we already wrote a column for this leg. Didn't you read it? It was an interview with Kynt and Vyxsin (the Goth couple) that we did last week.

"In Control" - Vol. XII, No. 0

Sure, we've claimed that we interviewed racers before, but we pretty much lied. This time, we actually conducted a telephone interview with racers Kynt and Vyxsin from the new season of The Amazing Race.

"In Control" - Vol. XI, No. 11

Steve and Dave highly recommend you consume at least 30 oz. of alcohol prior to reading this week's column. That is the ONLY way any of the following will be remotely funny.

"In Control" – Vol. XI, No. 10

As usual, teams departed from last leg's end-point in the order that they checked in. So far this season, the producers have made no mention of the "12" hours that normal pit stops last.

"In Control" - Vol. XI, No. 9

It really bugs us when The Amazing Race tries to become another show. For instance - recently there have been ‘gross food eating' challenges, ala Fear Factor.

"In Control" - Vol. XI, No. 8

So, what did we see that was new this last episode? Well, there were several things (but of course, we only choose to write about the one we can mock the most).

"In Control" - Vol. XI, No. 7

First off, Steve is officially back this week. It’s a good thing, too, since this week was a…SPECIAL 2-HOUR EPISODE!!!

"In Control" - Vol. XI, No. 6

First off, this is really just Dave this week. You will find out why in a second or two.

"In Control" - Vol. XI, No. 5

The first thing that was apparent about tonight's episode was that it's pretty tough to turn one hour's worth of material into a two-hour show, unless you add extra commercials and other filler, including shots of a pre-teen crying her way through the show.

"In Control" - Vol. XI, No. 4

Gather ‘round children, and listen as Uncle Steve and Uncle Dave tell you the story of "The Tortoise and the Rawhbit...er...Rabbit".

"In Control" - Vol. XI, No. 3

Last week we rather enjoyed actually reporting what happened on the most recent leg of the race, so we thought we might actually give it a go again.

"In Control" - Vol. XI, No. 2

We thought we might try something we've never actually done before. No, we're not talking putting a Volkswagen in the Principal's Office (we did that back in High School). We're talking about writing a column that actually deals with the most recent episode of the race.

"In Control" - Vol. XI, No. 1

A great number of people think that we really put forth a lot of effort each week to write this column.

"In Control" — All-Star Edition, No. 1

By now, we are pretty sure you've either read one of the spoilers telling of the teams that will be in "All-Star The Amazing Race" (ASTAR©) or you've heard someone talking about those teams. Well, you've read/heard wrong.

"In Control" - Vol. X, No. 12

You might have thought that our “return to our roots” column of last episode would have helped us out with our writing problems.

"In Control" - Vol. X, No. 11

This has been a rather tough season for us. We really haven’t had much in the way of ideas for things to write about.

"In Control" - Vol. X, No. 10

So how big of a fan are you really? That's what Steve and Dave are going to figure out.

"In Control" - Vol. X, No. 9

All our whining has requests to be "bloggers" have finally paid off. Yes, CBS has asked Steve and Dave to submit a "trial blog" for this week's edition of The Amazing Race.

Mystery Science Amazing Race 3000

Welcome to the column. Why not join us tonight as we watch Leg #8 of The Amazing Race 10?

"In Control" - Vol. X, No. 7

Over the years, we’ve posted quite a few photos and maps with our column. We get them from various sources – sometimes from other racers, sometimes from disgruntled WRP employees, and sometimes we’ve even taken the pictures ourselves.

"In Control" - Vol. X, No. 6

I dunno - you got anything? That's your area of expertise anyhow. I just write jokes.

"In Control" - Vol. X, No. 5

You see, we have always assumed that the average TARflies reader/poster was a little bit brighter that the average population.

"In Control" - Vol. X, No. 4

We get asked a lot of questions about The Amazing Race. Most of them we answer quickly and truthfully, but occasionally there are things we know the truth about but just can’t say.

"In Control" - Vol. X, No. 3

Steve and Dave have decided that it is time we put some journalistic integrity back into this column.

"In Control" - Vol. X, Nos. 1 & 2

It's official. We give up. Yep, after all this time we finally have nothing to write about.

“In Control” – Special Edition

The Continuing Saga of Too Pay, the Stuffed Panda

“In Control” – Vol. IX, No. 11

Lately we’ve heard some grumblings about our column. There have been a couple of folks who have implied that we really don’t write about The Amazing Race at all.

“In Control” – Vol. IX, No. 10

This season has reminded us once again how little the racers really know about what to do and not do when running The Amazing Race.

“In Control” – Vol. IX, No. 9

Editing. Remember that word. You’re going to hear a lot about it in this column.

"In Control" - Vol. IX, No. 8

A couple of columns ago we ran a little contest which even included a minor prize for winning. The prize was an autographed copy of the column that announced the contest. We knew that the prize wasn’t much, but we were serious about it.

"In Control" - Vol. IX, No. 7

Usually we open the column with some bit that we use as a lead-in to the rest of the garbage we decide to write down. Sometimes these bits are funny (of course, we think they are all funny), sometimes not so much.

"In Control" - Vol. IX, No. 6

If ever there were a leg designed to keep teams in the same order they left the Pit Stop, this was it.

"In Control" - Vol. IX, No. 5

Eric and Jeremy were probably worried about catching some disease when they asked those ladies what their scarves were covering.

"In Control" - Vol. IX, No. 4

It was funny when all the teams saw Phil and thought that they were done. Then he told them to keep going. The TV screen said that some teams said, “Oh shoot.” It didn’t sound like “shoot” to us though.

"In Control" - Vol. IX, No. 3

So, let’s continue with part 3 of our series on the interview process for The Amazing Race. You’ll recall that parts 1 and 2 dealt with the application and the semi-finalist interviews.

"In Control" - Vol. IX, No. 2

What the…hey, they’re here! Start the friggin’ column…

"In Control" - Vol. IX, No. 1

We know that TAR8 racers were as disappointed with their route as was everyone else who watched it, so BOY, is it good to have the "real" Amazing Race back.

In Control – Vol. IX, No. 0

First off, you should all thank your lucky stars that this site’s management finally saw their way clear to coming up with the big bucks that we were demanding.

In Control – Vol. VIII, No. 11

Now that we have successfully continued from last week, here are some more reasons why TAR:FE is so crappy...

In Control – Vol. VIII, No. 10

So ladies and gentlemen, Steve and Dave now present the first column ever that was started by Steve…

In Control – Vol. VIII, No. 9

Who – besides us, that is – wonders why the heck The Amazing Producers would waste one of only two Yields on a non-elimination leg?

In Control – Vol. VIII, No. 8 (v2.0)

Wow. TAR:FE has finally lived up to its heritage. This was definitely the best episode of TAR:FE to date, and arguably the best episode of The Amazing Race – ever.

In Control – Vol. VIII, No. 7 (and 8)

Before we get to the questions and answers, a bit about the last episode of TAR:FE. First, we hope you weren’t fooled by the big promos advertising a “2-Hour Special Edition” of the race.

In Control – Vol. VIII, No. 6

Steve and Dave admit to being a bit perplexed. Why does everyone in the race seem to hate the Weaver family? (Excluding the obvious reason that TARFE® is tremendously bad, and all the participants are worthy of contempt, that is.)

In Control – Vol. VIII, No. 5

Hello! To the column we are now welcoming you. First, an explanation to you we are offering. Knowing you can see this plain, we are telling you that regular writers we are not.

In Control – Vol. VIII, No. 4

This episode further highlighted what a bad idea “The Amazing Race, Family Edition®” really was. It also highlighted just how dumb some of these teams really are.

In Control – Vol. VIII, No. 3

Hey! An episode featuring higher math! Finally, an episode that’s right up Steve and Dave’s alley, as we use higher math every day. What do you mean, you doubt it?

In Control – Vol. VIII, No. 2

Well, the Amazing Race (Family Edition®) has managed to make it from New York City all the way to Middleburg, Virginia (just outside Washington).

In Control – Vol. VIII, No. 1

We had a great column all but written for the first leg of TAR8, with lots of funny bits interspersed throughout. Then, we met…Ray.

In Control – Vol. VIII, No. 0

You would think that we might be able to come up with a better title for our column after all these years. Sure, the title might be lame, but it certainly isn’t as lame as the next incarnation of The Amazing Race looks like it’s going to be.

“In Control” – TAR7, The Finale

Steve & Dave’s Note: we had every intention of writing this within a week of the finale. Unfortunately Steve decided that then was his chance to, “finally make it big on Broadway” and headed off to California.

“In Control” – Leg…err…second to last

Here’s an idea – why don’t we do a whole column of “Find Romber”?

“In Control” — Leg 9 (or thereabouts)

We’ve done this before. Gotten really lazy, that is.

“In Control” — Leg 7 . . . we think . . . maybe

Just when you thought this season of The Amazing Race couldn’t possibly get any better, it produces a quote for the “All-time TAR Top 10 Quotes” list.

“In Control (to be continued)”

It was throwback week on The Amazing Race.

“In Control” – TAR7 Recap Episode (Now With NEW Material!)

[new material]Previously on “In Control”:[/new material]

“In Control” – TAR 7, Leg 6...err 7? 5? 8?

Guys, if you ever needed confirmation that women hear things completely different than you say them, tonight’s show was it.

“In Control” – Leg 5 (and 6?)

Okay, show of hands here, people. How many of you are starting to think that Ray might have actually been a tad worse in his attitude towards Deanna than Jonathan was towards Victoria?

“In Control” – Leg 4

Okay, maybe we should have called this one “Death to Smoochie…and Ray…and Deana…and Lynn…and Alex…and Patrick…” Well, you get the idea.

“In Control” – Leg 3

Steve and Dave seem to be returning to their slacking ways.

“In Control” – Leg 2

So we bid a fond farewell to Peru, and head off to Chile. Something to remember the next time you’re in Peru — here in the USA our service personnel count on tips to supplement their hourly wages. In Peru they count on bribes.

“In Control” – Leg 1

So how do we top what we’ve previously written for TAR5 and TAR6?

Amazing Race 6 – The Finale

What would happen if the American Idol judges chose the winners?

“Bolo's Big Adventure” - A Travelogue

It's time for rhyming with Steve and Dave!

I Am Jonathan’s Brain

Relying on input gathered from the ears, I hear cheering across the nation and do not understand why...

Tips for Better Racing, Part 4

You have to be thinking that anybody can read a map better than the chuckleheads that are actually doing the racing, right? Wrong.

Tips for Better Racing, Part 3

It was once the best part of The Amazing Race, now it's been kicked to the sideline like a Chicago Bears quarterback. We're talking about the “Fast Forward.”

Tips For Better Racing, Part 2

So you thought you were an expert on The Amazing Race, didn't you? You thought you knew almost everything there was to know about how the Race worked.

Tips For Better Racing, Part 1

This would normally be another of our award-winning interviews with the most recently eliminated team, but we seem to have run up against some technical difficulties.

IKEA® Catalog Interview with Lena and Kristy

We’re currently waiting for Lena and Kristy, the last two racers eliminated from The Amazing Race 6...

Car And Driver Interview With Meredith and Maria

Some might question the testers as a contributing factor to the poor test numbers but we stand by their New York driving experience and signed contractual proof they were qualified to drive manual transmission vehicles.

“60 Minutes” Interview of Avi/Joe

Move over Mike Wallace, Steve and Dave take over on the investigative reporting front.

In Control, TAR5 – The Finale

We’re going to review the preceding 12 columns we wrote about TAR5 for TARflies. If you thought we were tough on the racers, just wait until you see what we say about ourselves…

In Control, Leg 11

We guess there are going to be a lot of people mocking Colin for his, “my ox is broken” comment this week. Normally, so would we.

In Control, Leg 10

We have finally been vindicated! There have been those of you who have derided, questioned, mocked, and generally laughed at our decision to lug cheese instead of digging through poo.

In Control, Leg 9

We have to admit to not foreseeing this non-elimination leg until the episode actually began.

In Control, Leg 8

Hey! Where the heck is our Roadblock? We was robbed! Instead of a roadblock we had to watch a blockhead.

In Control, Leg 7

Are we going to hell for being the only people in America who were rooting against Charla & Mirna?

In Control, Leg 6

Never in our wildest dreams could we have imagined that there could be someone on TAR5 who would make Alison look bearable. We were wrong.

In Control, Leg 5

For the first time in TAR5 the group went somewhere that created some jealousy from us...

In Control, Leg 4

It's Steve's turn to suck it up and let us know what he is made of – even surgery won't prevent him from filing his report on time! Either that or Dave is talking to himself…

In Control, Leg 3

At last! The Amazing Race 5 finally shook off the re-hashing of TAR4 and became its own show...

In Control, Leg 2

All right, stop it. We’re really getting tired of watching the TAR4 stunts redone in TAR5.

In Control - Episode One

Are we the only ones who watched the premiere of The Amazing Race 5 and thought, "Hey! This is just TAR4 with a new cast."?

In Control - The Beginning

It’s time again for another edition of our favorite show, The Amazing Race. You’ve all seen the CBS profiles on the new racers, but what do those really tell you? That’s why Steve and Dave have agreed to do some recaps for TARflies.