The ATC Report

"In Control" Vol. XV, No. 8

The season is winding down, and there are only four teams left. Usually by now, everyone has their "favorite" team picked as well as the team that they hope gets eliminated next. We're no different than any other fans of the race, except in the lengths that we are willing to go to find out who is going to win. Oh sure, we could just pick up our telephone and dial Phil or Bert to find out, but we prefer taking the path less traveled.

That's why we decided to go to a tarot card reader to discover this season's winners. But being the skeptics that we are, we decided to create a "control" to ensure that the reader was on the level. We took pictures of the four remaining teams plus a picture of Gary & Matt, showed each picture to the card reader, and asked the same question for each: "How will this team do in The Amazing Race?" The results?

Gary & Matt
Their "answer" card:

According to our reader, this card indicates danger. She was quite adamant in her statement that this team would not do well in the race, and predicted that they would be eliminated soon, if not already. Since she had successfully passed our control test, we felt very good about the answers she gave us for the remaining four teams.

Meghan & Cheyne
Their "answer" card:

Our reader divulged that "The Emperor" indicates authority or protection. We were a little mystified until she told us that in this instance, the card obviously meant that these two had authority over the race, and would thus most likely be the winners. They were also probably divinely protected, and no other team would be able to overcome them. Once we had her interpretation, the meaning of the card became obvious. The winner of TAR 15 would be Meghan and Cheyne.

Sam & Dan
Their "answer" card:

Our reader told us that Sam & Dan's card, The Wheel Of Fortune, did NOT mean that they would be appearing on an ABC game show soon (as we initially mistakenly believed). She stated that the card, as it appeared in their reading, probably signified luck. As we are veterans of The Amazing Race, we know just how much luck can play a factor in the race. Our reader proved that our knowledge was spot on when she went on to say that these two men had luck on their side, and it is very hard to beat luck sometimes. She then astounded us by stating that these two would probably jump onto the mat first. Now we knew that Sam & Dan would be the winners of TAR 15.

Flight Time & Big Easy
Their "answer" card:

After we finished snickering and giggling at the picture of the two topless women pulling the chariot, our reader told us that The Cart was a very interesting card. In this case it meant victory and triumph. There was just no way around it, and there could be no mistaking it. Flight Time and Big Easy would be the winners of TAR 15.

Brian & Ericka
Their "answer" card:

Once again, our reader had to pause the reading while we hooted and laughed like a pack of horny Cub Scouts at the picture of the naked woman on this card (Later on, she had to demand that we each return the cards we had swiped, but that is a story for a different column). It seems as though things will be looking up for Brian and Ericka, since we were informed that their card, "The World", has several meanings - one of which is "sure triumph". We had our answer. Brian and Ericka will be the winners of TAR 15.

We left the room where the card readings had been held, and after some brief unpleasantness before we were allowed to leave, we were on our way home. It was then that we began perusing our notes from the session and made an astounding discovery. It seems that (for the first time in the history of The Amazing Race) there is going to be a four-way tie for first place. The cards don't lie. We had four potential winners and the cards stated that each of the potential winners would, in fact, actually win. This promises to be SOME finish. Either that or we just got jobbed out of $150.

So how many of you were moaning and groaning at Matt's seeming lack of knowledge in the candelabra arena? A lot YOU know! Check this out:

That's a "Candle Ahhh Bra", sold for about 3 weeks in the Victoria's Secret catalogue. It was supposed to make women look hotter; it actually just made women hotter. Third-degree burns hotter, in fact.

One last thing - we have heard all week about the "blurring" of certain areas of Sam & Dan during the volleyball challenge. While this is the first time CBS actually only blurred those areas on men, here's a still from a beach volleyball challenge that took place in our season, right after we left Dodger Stadium. (Note: due to time constraints, the challenge was clipped from the show and has never been seen by the public.)

As you can see, CBS had to resort to black boxes in our season. We guess that at some undetermined size, the blur just doesn't work very well, and they have to use the black boxes to cover everything.