"In Control" - Vol. XII, No. 0
Over the course of our history here at TARflies, we've heard the same thing over and over again, "Don't touch him, you don't know where he's been!" We have no real response to that one yet, but we're working on it. We've also heard, "Isn't their fifteen minutes over yet?" Then there's, "Which one is the tall fat one, and which is the taller and fatter one?" Here's one of our personal favorites, "You know, if those two losers can get on the race, then there is hope for all of us."
OK, OK, OK. We get it. And we will eventually have clever responses for ALL of those. But for now we're going to deal with another one of our favorites, "If they hadn't been on the race, they wouldn't be able to just make stuff up every week and fob it off as journalism." Today, we answer THAT one.
We admit it. Some of the following is made up. Not a lot, but some of it. In between the made-up (pun intended - you will see what we mean) bits are real excerpts from the first-ever ‘Steve and Dave Interview'. Sure, we've claimed that we interviewed racers before, but we pretty much lied. This time, we actually conducted a telephone interview with racers Kynt and Vyxsin from the new season of The Amazing Race. (In case you were wondering, the names are pronounced ‘Tom' and ‘Darlene'.) So, please join us now for our interview...
Kynt and Vyxsin in their pre-race CBS publicity photo.
Steve: Before we begin, we wanted to remind you two that Dave and I have been on the race too, so we'll know when you're lying!
Dave: First off, your names ‘Kynt' and ‘Vyxsin' are pretty unusual. Do you mind if we just call you "Skippy" and "Muffy" when we write this interview up?
Vyxsin: I get to be Skippy.
(Oddly enough, still more laughter. Then, an uncomfortable silence.)
Styve: You understand when cast for season 12, you would be one of the oddest teams ever to appear on the Amazing Race. So what America wants to know is...what is it like to live in Kentucky?
Vyxsin: What? Every one here in Kentucky has pink hair, it's actually a prerequisite. Didn't you know that, guys?
Kynt: We're a little bit unusual for Louisville, we can say that. We try to increase the Gothic profile in our city.
Styve: Do you have a place set aside at home for your Emmy?
Vyxsin: We're building a shrine for it right now.
Dayve: Steve and I are not really up to date with this hipster slang "Goth" thing. Does that mean you're fans of Batman?
Kynt: Really and truly, Goth is a celebration of art, beauty, and individuality. We like being on the darker side. It's fun to play in the dark. Music with a darker edge to it. When I was a kid I always loved Halloween, spooky movies, things like that. A lot of people think being Goth means being depressed, socially inept basement dwellers. That's the furthest from the truth. We think Goth people are insightful, intelligent and just plain fun.
Dayve: Uh, depressed socially inept basement dwellers are air traffic controllers.
Vyxsin: Kynt and I have both experienced feelings of alienation and isolation growing up. Kynt is from Kentucky. He's rather short for a guy. Kentucky is a bit more sporty and can be kinda rough around the edges. Growing up was a bit more difficult for him. My dad was in the Army so we moved all the time, and I was perpetually the new kid. I was shy and rather bookish. I tried for many years to fit in, and wanted nothing more than to belong and be like everyone else. For whatever reason, I always failed miserably. Finally, I decided one day to celebrate the fact I was different, have fun with that fact, play with it, and just be myself. Why should I feel bad that I'm not quite "normal"? I think that's true with a lot of Gothic people. My nickname for us is "The island of misfit toys".
Kynt and Vyxsin after 1 full leg without reapplying makeup
Styvy: How were you treated by the other teams in the race?
Kynt: Going into the race, we were sure the other teams were going to underestimate us from day one. They thought we were going to be more concerned about our eyeliner than winning a roadblock. They weren't going to realize how lethal we were until we were miles (if not days) ahead of them.
Styyve: How important was it then, during the race to maintain your individuality?
Kynt: Going into the race, it was important to upkeep our aesthetic. We did realize we weren't going to look perfect at every moment. That would be impossible. If it came down to fixing our eye shadow or doing a Detour, we're doing the Detour. We were more effective though, when we felt good in our skin and had our makeup on. That's when we felt most confident and competent. We tried to keep up appearances.
Dayvye: Prior to Steve and I going on the race, we got advice from many different sources. The one piece of advice we got that seemed to make the most sense was to "conserve energy". Well, that didn't work out too well for us. What was the worst piece of advice given to you two?
Vyxsin: We didn't get any really terrible advice. I got some good advice about packing from my parents...that I opted not to listen to. We brought - for example - seventeen powder compacts between the two of us. All different formulas and shades. Seriously, I think that has to be a race first.
Sytyyve: So then, can we assume that you were discarding stuff from those backpacks as you progressed in the race?
Kynt: We realized that it was necessary, but I didn't want to part with any of my clothing. I love my clothes!
Vyxsin: I couldn't get Kynt to release his viselike grip on his flatiron, either.
Dyyvy: Do you know that still today, there is a family of twelve living in one of Steve's sweatshirts that he chucked during our race?
Dyyy: OK, how tough is it to maintain your Goth appearance/persona in the "real" world? Steve and I are guessing that some jobs are probably out of the question - lawyer, doctor, real-estate agent, or reality show host. And as a follow-up, do you think that your appearance will promote acceptance of the Goth lifestyle, or do you really not care?
Kynt: We're definitely looking forward to giving the Goth aesthetic - the Goth look - the exposure that it's going to receive on this TV program. We hope that it changes a lot of people's minds. You know, we understand that they have stereotypes and negative preconceived notions and we hope to change some of that and make people see that hey - this Goth thing is fun - these kids are just silly, they're having a good time. That's all it's about. In our day-to-day lives, we both work as waiters. I'm a waiter at Texas Roadhouse restaurant.
Dyveyy: (Interrupting) Good food!
Kynt: (Ignoring interruption and gluttony on Dave's part) ...when I'm there, I definitely can't be wearing makeup. I have to kind of tone down my appearance. I still have my choppy haircut - it still looks good there (laughs) - but I don't wear any makeup at all. It would not go over too well when I'm serving a family of five!
Vyxsin: Well, my restaurant is a lot different. It's in sort of the ‘artsy' part of town, and they love my hair. It's been all different kinds of colors at work and they've always been really cool about it. I do have a septum piercing in my nose that I have to take out...actually, I took it out for the race as well...they're not crazy about that. Everything else, they pretty much let me do what I want.
Kynt: We also both work at a hair salon as well, called Kaleidoscope. When we're there, we can both look however we want to look - because it goes over well in an environment of fashion and hair.
yDyyy: Steve - note that they both still have two jobs, so they must not have done real well.
Kynt and Vyxsin after 2nd leg without reapplying makeup. At least Vyxsin managed to dress appropriately.
Syyyye: Now we noticed that once again, CBS has hired a lot of people from California - we call them Mactors. The people at the website we're writing for, TARflies.com tend to prefer the "real people", such as yourselves. Tell us about the whole application process that you went through.
Kynt: Sure. Back in January, we saw that a casting call was out for TAR, so we immediately filled out those "little" applications, made our video, and sent it in. About six months later - we'd almost forgotten about the Race and our application - when we got a call out of nowhere. The interview process began, and the rest is history. We both really feel blessed to have been noticed out of the mountain of applications they received. Definitely, our lucky stars were watching out for us.
Yyyydy: Was this the first time you two had applied?
Vyxsin: Yea, I had never applied before and honestly, it never would have occurred to me to apply for a TV show. It was Kynt's idea. We were watching the show one night and during a commercial break he said, "Hey, would you ever want to give this a shot?" I was kind of pessimistic, and I said, "Well, we probably won't get accepted, but it can't hurt so sure, why not?" It was amazing when we got the call for the first interviews. I was at work and my cell phone started buzzing in the middle of a really busy shift. I ran out into the alley to answer it, and it ended up being so surreal - here I was in the middle of the "unglamorous" world of food service talking to someone from L.A. - it was just so exciting.
Kynt: Of the two of us, I tend to be the dreamer. I kept telling her, "We've got to apply", and, "We'll make it". We were so happy that we even got selected. We will always be appreciative of that.
Syyyy: This next bunch of questions is actually just a bunch of choices. We will give you two items, you choose the one that best fits your personality or whatever. You can each answer, you can go back and forth, however you want. So here is the first pair.
Syvy: Hockey or Figure Skating?
Yyyyy: The Beatles or The Cure?
Kynt: The Cure.
Vyxsin: The Cure.
ySySyS: Revlon or Max Factor?
Kynt: Max Factor.
Vyxsin: Max Factor.
Dave (you win, Steve): Christmas or Halloween?
Kynt: Halloween - it is Goth Christmas.
Steve & Dave: (under breath) Godless heathens.
Steve (damn skippy, I do): Soup or salad?
Steve: Volkswagen or Corvette?
Dave: And I drive a Corvette. Suddenly, I'm kind of upset with these two.
Dave: The Beatles or DePeche Mode?
Kynt: Oh, Depeche Mode!
Vyxsin: Yea, I've got to go with him on that one. DePeche Mode.
Dave: Zip line or Bungee?
Dave: Yea, but which one is more fun to say?
Kynt and Vyxsin attempting Roadblock during 3rd consecutive leg without reapplying makeup. Kynt is attempting the stunt, Vyxsin is cheering him on.
Steve: We know that you are fans of The Amazing Race, so Jonathon or Flo?
Vyxsin: Yea, Flo I guess.
Steve: Nope, you're both wrong.
Steve: The Clowns or the Hippies?
Dave: Our season. Good answer.
Steve: Jeff or Dave?
Steve: You're right, there really is no answer to that question.
Dave: Trick or Treat?
Kynt: Treat, baby!
Steve: Viva Laughlin or Cop Rock?
Kynt: Cop Rock.
Steve: Thatta boy!
Dave: No one watched Viva Laughlin anyhow.
Dave: Steve or Dave?
Kynt: How can you make us choose?
Steve: They know when to suck up.
Dave: The Beatles or Tony Orlando and Dawn?
Kynt & Vyxsin: The Beatles!
Steve: Did you guys win or lose?
Steve: Eh, we tried.
Dave: Back to some real questions. Think carefully on this next one, as it may influence the tone of the column we write from this interview. Who were your favorite racers of all time?
Vyxsin: For me, it was Lyn and Alex. Even though they didn't win, they were so "good" with each other all the time. Even when they were really stressed out, they were supportive of each other and they really seemed to enjoy the experience. They didn't just zip through everything in a frenzy, and they were so funny.
Kynt: Wow. There are so many teams that I liked, but I would have to pick Uchena and Joyce because they really pressed to win against all odds. I really have a lot of respect for them.
Dave: Interesting. I think that our column - written by two former racers who didn't make your list - probably isn't going to turn out too well for you two.
Kynt: Come on, we had to talk about some other teams.
Vyxsin: You know, my favorite Steve and Dave moment was when you two were walking off of that mountain, after Dave had hurt himself, and Steve was cutting footsteps in the hill so that Dave would have an easier time climbing up. I was crying!
Kynt: She really was crying.
Steve: And yet, she picked Lyn and Alex!
Dave: Yea, we couldn't even make the top two!
Kynt: Awww, you know you're in the top two in our hearts!
And finally, Kynt and Vyxsin after their 4th consecutive leg without being able to reapply their makeup. We can't tell which is which either.
And with that, Kynt and Vyxsin became Steve and Dave's favorite team this season. All right, we admit it - they were our favorites even before we got the chance to talk to them. They might dress a little differently than most folks you know, but underneath the clothes are two of the nicest people we've had the chance to speak to. We can't wait to meet them in person at our next Vegas reunion. And even though we don't know how they did (or so we're claiming), we really wish them the best of luck in the upcoming season. Kynt and Vyxsin - you've got two fans in Chicago who will be rooting for you!