How-to

Bart's How-to Guide Episode 7

How to tune a piano: If you want to know how to tune a piano, copying what Dustin and Kandice did is a good place to start. An online guide to how to tune a piano only differs slightly from what Dustin and Kandice did. The online guide recommends the use of an electronic tuner to verify that the note being played is at the standard frequency for the note. Such a tuner, like the Korg Chromatic tuner, costs under twenty dollars. The online guide also recommends clearing the room of all other humans to allow you to concentrate on tuning. Dustin and Kandice have the room to themselves (outside of the piano tuner), while some of the other teams did not have that luxury.

How to honor those lost in the Holocaust without leaving North America: The United States Holocaust Museum is in Washington, D. C. But there are other Holocaust memorials across North America. The Holocaust Memorial on Miami Beach features a 42-foot bronze arm, inscribed with a tattoo of a serial number, reaching up from the ground. The Museum of Jewish Heritage in New York City is a hexagonal building, symbolic of the six points of the Star of David and the six million victims of Jewish heritage of the Holocaust. The Florida Holocaust Museum in St. Petersburg includes an actual rail car used to transport Holocaust victims to death camps. Whitwell Middle School in Whitwell, Tennessee also has such a rail car, filled with six million paperclips collected by Middle School students. Montreal is the home of the largest population of Holocaust survivors in Canada - and the third largest in the world - and is home of the Montreal Holocaust Memorial Centre and Museum. If you can't make it to any of those museums, the USC Shoah Foundation Institute, which was founded by Steven Spielberg to film testimonies from Holocaust survivors, offers streaming video of some of those testimonies on its website.

If you're going to make sausage, you're going to need a sausage stuffer.

How to make your own Polish Sausage: Epicurean.com has a recipe for Polish Sausage. SausageMania! lists recipes for various kinds of sausage, including Italian and Spanish sausages, as well as general tips for making sausage. Their biggest tip is to skip the grinding phase and use ground pork from Costco or other warehouse stores. If you're going to make sausage, you're going to need a sausage stuffer. Dakotah Sausage Stuffers use water pressure to power the sausage stuffing process, and at $100, are the most economical sausage stuffers on the market. For other supplies, such as sausage casing, there are a number of online stores, such as the One Stop Jerky Shop, or the Butcher and Packer Supply Company, which is located in Detroit's Eastern Market district.

How to own your own suit of armor: Pony up the cash. There are places online that offer full wearable suits of armor for sale. They are available at online retailers like swordsandarmor.com, knightsedge.com, and a2armory.com. However, they do not come cheap. They range in price from $1949 to $3400. For the same cost, you could play as a paladin, or honorable knight, in the massively multi-player online role playing game (MMORPG) World of Warcraft for over ten years.  

How to finish last on the seventh episode of The Amazing Race: Don't be on one of the first two dhows to Zanzibar, and pick the wrong detour choice in Warsaw. All of the teams who were on the first two dhows to Zanzibar were able to find alternate flights to Warsaw, and did not miss the connection at Kilimanjaro. Last place in the first leg of the night came down to picking the correct detour choice, which, given that it came down to the ear of the piano tuner who probably wanted to get the hell out of there, was the piano tuning and not the non-objective X-ray option. With the wrong detour choice made in the first half of the leg, and with both sets of intersected teams doing the same detour option in the second half of the leg, and a roadblock geared more for a sight gag than to allow a team to gain ground on the opposition, there was absolutely no chance for the Guidos to overcome being marked for elimination. Joe and Bill, we will toast to evil in your memory.