How-to

Bart's How-to Guide Episode 5

How to find someone buried in an avalanche who is wearing an avalanche beacon: The Utah Avalanche Center recommends that you move fast and cover a lot of ground. Ninety three percent of avalanche victims dug out within the first fifteen minutes can be recovered alive. Only around thirty percent of victims dug out after forty five minutes are recovered alive. Less than ten percent of victims dug out after two hours are recovered alive. Telemark Ski describes the best way to search for a buried avalanche beacon in terms of the flux line, which relates to the field of the electromagnetic signal transmitted from the beacon. The website also has a product review of the Mammut/Barryvox Opto 3000 search beacon, which was the product that the racers used to find their next clue.
So you want to create a quote out of words that someone has said, just not in the same sentence? Whatever you do, make sure the words sound like they were said in the same pitch and tone.
How to do a Frankenquip: So you want to create a quote out of words that someone has said, just not in the same sentence? Whatever you do, make sure the words sound like they were said in the same pitch and tone. The result may be as bad as the startup sound on the computer of Waylon Smithers if you don't pay attention to those things. In the introductory interview, Ian says, "The psychological stuff is a whole lot different. There's a whole lot more....", and then a voice that sounds kind of like Ian's, but more like the reanimated corpse of Barry White, says, "strategy." If you want to create a Frankenquip out of words said by Ian that is believable, don't use words said in two different octaves that make it really obvious that you are making a Frankenquip.

How to get Guido into a Thong:  If the Team Guido guys can wear a thong, why not Guido himself? It will even help to neutralize his flatulence! A company called Flat D has developed the Dogone - a Dog Gas neutralizing pad "in a thong design". Using elastic straps and suspender clips will make sure that the thong fits properly - though it does come in a small size perfect for Guido, as well as in medium and large sizes.

How to play a French Whore: Ask Garth Brooks. The retired country superstar once played a free concert at the Arcola Broomcorn Festival, the festival where Dave Barry has marched in the parade with the Lawn Rangers. But more importantly, he was the guest host for the February 28, 1998 episode of Saturday Night Live. The episode included a skit called "Old French Whore", where high school students played a game show, assisted by Old French Whores. The second photo here shows Garth Brooks as Coco, an old French whore. Garth did a phenomenal acting job, and that skit is widely regarded as being awesome.

How to get your own mine-sniffing rat to keep as a pet: You can't, legally, in the United States. The Gambian Pouch Rat is known for its ability to be trained to help clear land mines; however, in 2003, it became known as a source for the first American outbreak of monkeypox. An American firm imported an infected Gambian Pouch Rat from Africa, where the disease is rare but not unknown. From there, the rat in turn infected several pet prairie dogs, which went on to infect humans. Because of this, the US Centers for Disease Control banned the importation of Gambian Pouch Rats, as well as all other rodents of African origin.

How to support AIDS Awareness: This episode was filmed on December 1st, World AIDS Day. The theme for World AIDS Day 2007 is Keep the Promise: Leadership, focusing on keeping world leaders accountable to their promises to invest in health care for those suffering from AIDS. There are many ways to keep the promise and support those with AIDS. One way is to purchase Product (RED) merchandise, like a shirt with the same slogan as Oswald's. There are many local events that support local AIDS charities. For example, in Royal Oak, Michigan, there is AIDS Walk Detroit, which raises money for various causes. Look for one in your area and help support those who are living with HIV and AIDS.

How to have a N. O. W. moment on the race: Don't waste an opportunity to have one. Phil Keoghan is the man behind No Opportunity Wasted, a book encouraging folks to live their lives never wasting an opportunity. While many of the items that end up on N. O. W. lists are big items, like traveling around the world or walking across the Mackinaw Bridge, part of living life N.O.W. is taking advantage of spontaneous opportunities to have a N.O.W. moment. A detour can be an opportunity to aim for the heart by affirming the beauty of a young child and painting her nails for free. Checking in at the pitstop is an opportunity to rediscover your childhood by playing a quick game of tag and trying to get someone dirty. Oswald and Danny and the Beauty Queens understand that the race is something that you only get to do once or twice in your life, and they are not wasting an opportunity in the process.

How to finish last in the fifth leg of The Amazing Race: Pick the wrong Detour choice and don't do a good job at it. As much as Eric and Danielle bitched about losing to the Guidos in a foot race, they gained a bunch of ground on Uchenna and Joyce in the Detour. Uchenna and Joyce did not load the coal fast enough, and not getting the help of locals cost them time in trying to find the location where they had to drop off the bag of charcoal. That was all it took to cause them to come in last. Fortunately for them, it was a non-elimination leg and they live to race another day.