“In Control” – Special Edition
Tee Pee (the stuffed panda) arrived in Aurora at the home of former Amazing Racer Dave on June 28 courtesy of the good folks in the U.S. Postal Service.
Poo Poo (the stuffed panda) and the box in which he arrived. Apparently the mailman threw the box onto Dave's porch from the curb (approx. 25 feet), which explains the condition of the package.
Of course, since all of Dave's children are long since grown he was somewhat unfamiliar with the care of stuffed pandas. Thus he decided that Woo Seer (the stuffed panda) would spend the night with the other stuffed animals in his house. While Tip Tow (the stuffed panda) hasn't said too much about what happened during the rest of the evening, Dave did awake to discover this:
Woo Hoo (the stuffed panda) performs an unspeakable act on one of Dave's wife's stuffed animals ("Maurice", the Gangster of Love Bear).
To avoid any further problems, Dave decided to take Moo Shoo (the stuffed panda) to work with him that morning. This would serve two purposes, as he could get some pictures of Toe Nail (the stuffed panda) where Steve & Dave work, and he could also then turn Fung Hus (the stuffed panda) over to Steve for the remainder of his visit.
Steve thought it might be fun to let Ring Ding (the stuffed panda) actually experience the thrill of talking to live air traffic, and decided to give him a headset and plug him in.
Bel Mahn (the stuffed panda) wearing a headset and about to control live air traffic.
Of course, neither Steve nor Dave realized that a headset designed to fit an adult human probably would not fit a rather tiny stuffed panda. Fortunately, the FAA has now classified the ensuing mishap as just an "incident," and all parties have been returned to duty without further penalty. (In a curious twist of fate, the powers that be within the FAA have gone so far as to promote Wah Bit (the stuffed panda) to Regional Administrator, due to his unswerving dedication to air safety and consummate professionalism.)
Although it looks potentially fatal, the above was only an incident.
Next Steve & Dave decided that Daw Gee (the stuffed panda) might enjoy one of their favorite pastimes, bowling. So at the end of the shift, all three headed off to the local lanes for some fun on the hardwood. Sadly, the good folks that make bowling equipment have so far neglected to make equipment that a very small stuffed panda can use, so Gow Sahks (the stuffed panda) was relegated to watching Steve and Dave as they bowled.
Riim Shawt (the stuffed panda) finds a seat close to the action so he can watch
Perhaps the seat was a little too close.
The following morning, Steve & Dave (along with Steve's Daughter, Olivia - better known as a guest columnist) decided to take Wee Nee (the stuffed panda) on a tour of Chicago. First stop was the tallest building in the United States, the Sears Tower.
Steve, Dave, Steve's daughter Olivia, and Chai Tea (the stuffed panda) visit the Sears Tower
Steve and Dave decided to give Mai Dai (the stuffed panda) the thrill of a lifetime by allowing him to do some base-jumping from the Sears Tower. However, it turns out that this type of activity is definitely frowned upon, and may even be illegal. So Dave and Olivia took Gow Pak (the stuffed panda) to the top of the tower, while Steve stayed below (in order to catch him), as shown in the above picture.
Steve gets distracted
Unfortunately, Steve got distracted shortly before Ahk Nee (the stuffed panda) was due to arrive at the base of the tower. Who knew stuffed pandas could bounce that high?
The gang finished their day of sightseeing just in time to settle down and watch a grand display of fireworks, in honor of our nation's independence. This is when Goo Fee (the stuffed panda) learned a valuable lesson.
Rhibb Eye (the godless heathen communist stuffed panda) prepares to light some fireworks of his own.
If you aren't a real citizen of the United States, lighting fireworks to celebrate the independence of the U.S.A. is probably a bad idea, and could even get you hurt.
Khammi Pingo (the formerly stuffed panda) gets injured in a fireworks accident.
Remember kids: all fireworks are dangerous. Even when used properly and with adult supervision, accidents can happen. Learn from the untimely demise (ok, not actually demised, but really hurt bad) of Khore Veht (the stuffed panda) and don't play with fireworks.
Too soon, it was time for Tee Vee (the stuffed panda) to rejoin the U.S. postal service for a journey to his next destination.
For those of you who have found this "travelogue" to be somewhat of a letdown when compared to a normal "In Control", please keep the following in mind:
Say nice things about this column or we blow the panda away - whatever his name is.