Amazing Race Rants

Amazing Race Rant - Episode 8

"This is the Peloponnese" ... Phil ... either this is the Greek word for ‘Pitstop' or ‘Place impossible to find on a map'.

"Will Eric and Jeremy's string of 1st place finishes continue" ... Phil ... or will the string be paid a visit by the scissors of humor and irony.

"and after narrowly escaping elimination, can BJ and Tyler climb out of last place" ... Phil ... or will they prefer to just oddly dance or stumble out instead.

"Dating back almost 5000 years, this oil rich nation (Oman) bordering Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates is one of the oldest inhabited regions in the Middle East" ... Phil ... proving that no matter how old, rich, or isolated you are, reality TV will eventually find you.

"Once there, teams must find this giant incense burner where they'll receive their next clue" ... Phil ... safely hidden away in a giant bag of potpourri.

"I think the other teams are used to tasting our dust. They probably have mud in their mouth by now" ... Jeremy ... and they're just waiting for the chance to spit some of that back on you.

"We run faster, we work harder, we try to get directions better" ... Jeremy ... and if it wasn't for our lack of modesty, we'd be perfect in every way.

"When other teams have better luck than Monica and I, it drives us nuts simply because there is nothing we can do about it" ... Joseph ... except for going nuts, it would seem. And arguing. Maybe crying a bit.
Relying purely on their own talents for their destiny? They might be better off just living with the bad luck option.
"Maybe that's just a sign that we need to do this on our own by making our own destiny and not relying on luck" ... Monica ... relying purely on their own talents for their destiny? They might be better off just living with the bad luck option.

"We're mall walking" ... Joseph on walking across the bridge ... a sound MoJo philosophy: it's never too early to start planning for your retirement.

"Which way do we walk to it? / We gotta start at the beginning" ... Ray / Yolanda on the bridge ... I guess it makes sense to start at the beginning of the bridge. Does that mean though if they started at the end, they'd be already done?

"Let's just make sure we ask somebody if this is the bridge. / If I see somebody I'll ask them" ... Yolanda / Ray ... yeah, people hanging around a bridge at 4am are always the trustworthy sort. You'll be lucky if they don't charge you a toll.

"Yeah, I'm confused that this may not be the bridge" ... Yolanda ... never hurts to be too cautious but given that the nearest other bridge is miles away, you can see why the producers stopped short of hanging a big "This is the Bridge, stupid" sign.

"You have to stop cussing me" ... Yolanda ... "why the #$%& should I", would have been the funniest response but perhaps not the most relationship enhancing.

"Just remember I'm a grown man. / I can't tell" ... Ray / Yolanda ... if you're in doubt, try grounding him and sending him to his room. Grown men tend to sulk a lot longer than kids do.

"Fly to Muscat, Omen" ... Fran ... is mispronouncing the country name considered a bad Omen? Wonder if the 1st roadblock will involve finding a number on somebody's scalp.

"We don't have the physical sprinting these young kids have, but we have the endurance" ... Fran ... they'll need that for the amount of times they have to keep walking by a clue box.

"The last leg of the race, BJ and I felt like we were out of it. We feel like now we've been given a second chance" ... Tyler ... perhaps to see what it's like to possibly come in last again.

"Let the joy of the Race fill you with adrenalin" ... Tyler ... a blessing from the Church of BJ & Tyler of Latter Day Hippies

"That was so much fun. Let's go back and do it over" ... Eric on passing BJ & Tyler on the bus ... do it a couple more times and BJ & Tyler will be able to join you in the fun.

"Fran and Barry. Follow them" ... Eric ... just be prepared to take your time and to walk pass the ticket counter a few times in the process.

"We're nervous so please, can you issue the tickets?" ... Barry to ticket agent ... a great line to use if you don't mind security rifling through your bags a couple of extra times.

"I think Fran and Barry got this flight because they're standing over there all shady like" ... Eric ... they just don't want anyone to realize they can't find the right Gate.

"We're beyond being the genial grandparents we were in the first few rounds" ... Barry ... funny ... can't recall seeing Barry smoking a pipe or Fran knitting anybody a sweater or baking cookies in the early legs.

"All the ghosts of our fallen comrades are here on the bus with us" ... BJ ... and they're more than a little pissed for having lost to us.

"The pink girls are sitting behind us here. Is Oman in China?" ... BJ ... sadly, they're probably watching the show right now wondering the same thing.

"They're playing dumb. They're playing dumb" ... BJ on Frat Boys ... playing? Well that's a polite way of saying it. Might be more accurate just to take the playing out altogether.

"Crap that was my dumb face wasn't it" ... Jeremy ... and coupled with the ‘asleep' face, Jeremy is pretty much covered for looks for the rest of the day.

"Your flight arrives at 10:50. We just found out for you, but I'm sure you already knew" ... Tyler to racers in line ... yeah we did, but it is nice to hear confirmation of it.
Donít be expecting too much help from anyone at this point. Consider yourself lucky they didnít try to hide a bag of hemp in your backpack.
"Thanks for helping us" ... BJ to racers in line ... don't be expecting too much help from anyone at this point. Consider yourself lucky they didn't try to hide a bag of hemp in your backpack.

"The hippies I think are mad at us" ... Monica ... probably safe to say you won't be invited to their next group sing-a-long or love-in.

"This country is cool" ... Jeremy on Oman ... sure is ... right up until the point when the sun comes up. Then it goes from cool to bad boy pretty quick.

"Cleanest looking McDonalds I've ever seen. / Yeah it's like a temple McDonalds" ... Eric / Jeremy ... a Mecca for cholesterol worshippers everywhere with re-enforced pews for any Super-sized parishioners

"American people think they're rich, but these people who are rich here are like crazy rich" ... Monica ... and yet with all their wealth, one of their finest achievements is building a giant McDonalds. Money does strange things to people.

"I don't know what language they speak here, but I can't read the sign. It's all squiggly" ... Ray ... it's probably a nice mix of Arabic, bad penmanship and a few too many vodka tonics on the flight in.

"This is like BJ and Tyler of Arabia" ... Tyler ... somehow I doubt they'll win an Oscar for their exploits, but wandering around the desert for hours does seem plausible.

"So you think it's cool to cuss me out and shoot birds at me" ... Yolanda to Ray ... if by cool, you mean dangerous and life threatening ... then yes, it's cool.

"You think it's cool to talk to me how you talked to me" ... Ray to Yolanda ... nope, just annoying and time consuming is all.

"Ray and I haven't been communicating well." ... Yolanda ... and this is even after Ray started resorting to hand signals.

"Once a key centre of trade with East Africa, it's now a sleepy fishing town" ... Phil ... that's about to get a brutal awaking. When Reality comes to town, it does not come quietly.

"What should I do? I'm in the front now" ... Jeremy ... I assume he means at the front of the pack of cars, but just in case, Eric should let him know to grab the wheel and feel around for that long pedal on the floor.

"Everybody's trying to follow us right now. We don't even know where we are going" ... Jeremy ... they may be lost, but at least they have the honour of being the first lemming to jump off the cliff.

"It's the hippies. / Those buttheads are following us" ... Joseph / Monica ... are they buttheads because they are following you, or that they actually chose to follow you.

"The boys just watched us get information from that guy and drove off in front of us" ... Monica ... hopefully Monica will realize that there is an advantage to not only watching someone give directions, but to actually hear them as well.

"He is our guide across the flooded road. He looks like an amazing muscular man" ... Tyler ... between running across sand, rocks and water, he probably does enjoy a good Tae Bo workout at the local gym.

"It looks like he knows this area really well" ... Tyler on his guide ... unfortunately most of what he knows is now buried under 4 ft of water.

"I just want to pick him up and take him home in my pocket" ... Monica on the guide ... that's the problem. Omanian guides look so cute in the wild but they rarely adapt well to domestic life in your backyard. Plus getting him through customs can be a challenge.

"Go next to them. We don't care if we get stuck" ... Eric on the stopped trucks ... and what fitting last words those would be ... in the vein of ‘let's climb this electrified fence'. At least they'll find out if the Auto club of Oman uses camels for tow trucks.

"Is this the most awesome chocolate surprise you've ever had" ... Tyler on crossing the river ... Tyler must have had some pretty crappy desserts in the past if this river tops his chocolate list.

"Eric and Jeremy want to be 1st so bad that they sometimes cut in front of the line" ... Monica ... especially if nobody at the front of the line wants to go first.

"Yeah that's the frat boy way, to just barge into a situation" ... BJ ... actually barging across a deep river sounds like a sensible plan. Beats the gentle floating away option.

"Mark our words, there will come a time when the frat boys experience coming in last" ... Tyler ... let's hope the Hippies are around to see that moment, aside from on TV.

"It's like driving through the middle of the desert" ... Ray ... yeah you find a lot of that in desert countries like Oman. Their rainforest driving consists of one tree.

"Camels are really stubborn aren't they" ... Monica ... bet some of the racers could give them a run for their money though.
Well if you got hoisted, trussed up in a net and put into the back of a pickup truck, you might have a few spit-filled words to send out as well.
"I drew this sketch of the camel. He looked a bit feisty. Camels bad" ... BJ ... well if you got hoisted, trussed up in a net and put into the back of a pickup truck, you might have a few spit-filled words to send out as well.

"It's like we're going to drive until we dehydrate and die" ... Eric ... nah. You'll probably run out of gas long before then. More likely you'll stumble around lost until you dehydrate and die.

"This sucks. This is the worse experience I've had" ... Jeremy on being lost with the camel ... sure the camel not too pleased about signing up for this either. If he gets loose from his net, they'll be a kick or two given out before a dash for the nearest oasis.

"Man we're idiots" ... Eric ... sadly it's only near the end, when the light bulb finally turns on.

"Oh my gosh. That could have taken 2 seconds" ... Jeremy on finding the camel stop ... well sure, if you read the map and followed the directions. But how would you get to see the sights and sounds of Oman that way.

"Let me lift the camel up because you're hurting his elbows" ... Yolanda ... camel is probably thinking ‘she called them elbows but she is being nice'. I'll spit on her later maybe

"The camel doesn't smell that bad. He could have smelled worse, I would have imagined" ... Yolanda ... you've been flying around the world for 3 weeks. Consider yourself fortunate the camel doesn't say the same about you.

"I think we're in last place. / I've never thought of myself in last place so I can't start now" ... Yolanda / Ray ... don't think of it as being in last place. You're just the Rear Guard.

"And they'll need to keep the Shuwa (wrapped lamb) with them because this Omani delicacy will be their dinner" ... Phil ... a really nice reward for the vegetarians in the group. Next a big glass of milk for the lactose intolerant people to round things out.

"Use caution as you are digging into a buried oven" ... Tyler ... yeah, you don't want to hit the buried gas line or dent up the buried refrigerator by mistake

"Why does it say that you're digging into a buried oven?" ... Monica ... well, you can either go on faith at this point or just have the doctor explain it to you while he's bandaging up your arms

"Joseph you're not going to want to sit in the car next to me after this" ... Monica on sweaty digging ... time to just smile and add that to his growing list of reasons.

"You can really just be quiet and find that food. You don't have to pout about it" ... Joseph ... and with one comment, both the dinner and the digger begin stewing at this point.

"Don't worry boy. Dinner's coming" ... Tyler to the camel ... with BJ's luck, it's a good thing the camel can go days without water. Dinner might take awhile.

"C'mon Eric, you've got to dig like a champion" ... Jeremy ... you know, just like those champion ... digging people ... do

"Hey I don't need your lip right now" ... Jeremy to the camel ... well just come a little closer and I'd be happy to share some other things with you instead. I call it the camel surprise.

"Here comes the Bedouin!" ... Fran ... bringing the next clue and hopefully some utensils for dinner.

"Fran I'm exhausted. / Just get me out of here" ... Barry / Fran ... Fran obviously experiencing the exhaustion of watching Barry dig so much.

"I got to dig for gnomes, I've got to dig for food. You got to bungy jump" ... BJ ... true but who's the lucky one really. Tyler just got to defy nature ... you're getting a chance to commune with it.

"BJ, c'mon. Now is the time to just dig" ... Tyler ... complaining and bitterness always goes better over dinner anyway.
Letís hope mommaís not a big TV fan, or Yolanda will be doing a lot of digging to get out of that one.
"Just take your time baby, get a pattern going. / Your momma got a pattern goin" ... Ray / Yolanda ... let's hope momma's not a big TV fan, or Yolanda will be doing a lot of digging to get out of that one.

"It's hard to watch him digging just laying on the ground" ... Tyler ... maybe if you poke him with a stick, he'll get up, dig faster, and stop bothering you.

"This is rough. We could be here forever" ... Tyler ... at which point the cameraman double checks his water and snack supply.

"Tell me when it's my turn to talk" ... Ray to Yolanda ... don't open that can, Ray. You may end up never speaking again.

"You're acting like a child. / A child that's trying to find my way home" ... Yolanda/ Ray ... a lost panicked child behind the wheel of an SUV. Their only hope is to start looking for the nearest policeman or balloon salesman for help.

"The Philiminator will not eliminate us" ... Tyler ... it'll take one hell of a hippie dance and the entire cast of the Muppet show on your head to get out of this one.

"We got a pretty good shot at coming in 1st place here" ... Joseph ... so what can we do now to really mess it up?

"Fran and Barry are 1st. / What do you want me to do about that?" ... Monica / Joseph ... the answer lies somewhere between congratulating them and stealing their maps.

"This doesn't look like a castle so much to me" ... Jeremy on empty wilderness ... maybe the clue is a metaphor referring to the castle of nature. Or maybe a giant sand castle. Or maybe you're just screwed.

"I imagine if we're having this much problems finding the place, other teams are also" ... Eric ... yeah ... all the other teams that decided to take a short cut across the Omanian desert that is

"Are you guys still in love or are you having a bad day with each other" ... Phil to Ray and Yolanda ... definitely some rough spots, but at least they got to learn a few new cuss words to help them bond together as a couple. With luck, they'll become pet names.

"Is this a little humbling, because you guys have been making the race look easy so far" ... Phil ... Surprising and depressing maybe, but humbling? That's a strange and foreign word to them. Kind of like overtime or workaholic.

"We thought we were doing well, but today made us rethink some things" ... Eric ... like the wisdom of taking shortcuts when they've already been lost once today.

"You just can't win ‘em all Phil" ... Jeremy ... a few more days like this, and they won't have to worry about winning any.

"We feel like we're going to be the humans we are and not the possessions on our backs" ... Tyler ... luckily, they won't be any possessions to tempt them otherwise.

"We're going to be complete BJ and Tyler and nothing else" ... Tyler ... scary to think what they've been holding back from us so far.

"All the other teams see us as weak but we're just as strong as them if not stronger" ... BJ ... with no backpacks, they'll certainly be lighter in any case.

"Our fun loving goofy attitude got us this far, and we're still going to use it in the next leg of the race" ... BJ ... of course that attitude has seen you last and 2nd last over the last two legs. Maybe the strategy needs a bit of tweaking.

"The other teams aren't going to see us coming" ... BJ ... except as that little spec in their rear-view windows.


Was showing Oman on the map for our geographical benefit or just to show us how close the racers are getting to Iraq ... the ultimate Roadblock?

Unfortunately for Ray, he discovered too late that Yolanda's extra racing talent is having eyes in the back of her head

Is there any irony in continuing an argument that started about finding a bridge while crossing the same bridge?

When you are the last place team, is there really a lot of benefit to putting your names on the Sign in sheet? Who are you ahead of ... the camera crew?
In Survivor, the ghosts of fallen tribe members are usually burned at the end of the season. In the Amazing Race, they get to ride a shuttle bus to the airport.
In Survivor, the ghosts of fallen tribe members are usually burned at the end of the season. In the Amazing Race, they get to ride a shuttle bus to the airport.

If you close your eyes, BJ's hand does a really good impression of Lake.

The Hippies have to learn to control their anger and realize that a flight that looks quite full, does not necessarily mean it is full.

How do people who don't speak English always know how to say that?

If you learn nothing else from this episode, it's that Greece is known for its beautiful bridges and Oman is known for its lack of them.

Getting to wear a ceremonial dagger is pretty cool for a shop keeper. I wonder if the ceremonial baseball bat is hidden behind the counter.

How fair is life if Barry's reward for digging in the hot sand is getting to drive the car immediately afterwards.

At what point would BJ be better off to just give up digging for the oven and just start digging his own grave. He might have better luck with it.

Does driving the Shuwa from the Roadblock to the Pitstop constitute getting Take-out food?

If MoJo looked angry at coming in 2nd, I don't think they'll be cheered up any by finding out 1st got a trip to the city Monica always wanted to visit. Fran and Barry better sleep with one eye open.

When BJ and Tyler had to give up all their possessions, does that include the Lamb dinner too? Phil was looking pretty hungry.