"In Control" - Vol. IX, No. 4
We thought they should have let the teams drive the cars on the test course. But maybe they didn't have time to study for the test, so they had to have someone help them. We don't like tests very much.
Dave & Lori lied to another team. Everyone knows that you shouldn't lie, even if it is a race.
BJ & Tyler were silly when they were looking for a gnome. We think that maybe they were just acting goofy so that they could get more time on TV.
Wanda & Desiree were really dumb for driving around in a circle. All they had to do was look at a map to see where to go. But then Danielle & Dani followed them, so maybe it was just a road that went in a circle.
Lake & Michelle were pretty smart to get someone to help them find where to go. A lot of people say their helper's name was Fern, but we never heard his name on TV. We wonder how everyone knows his name? Maybe he is a famous person we don't know about.
Dave says that Fern was smart not to drive when he was drunk. Steve says that Dave is just being a critical hippo, whatever that is.
Eric & Jeremy are always trying to flirt with all the girls they see. We wonder if Danielle & Dani know they do that?
We would have chosen to break bottles at the Detour. Everyone knows that white men can't jump. They also can't dance. Everyone said they had to wear "later hose and." Later hose and what? They never said.
Jeremy or Eric was talking about tongue wrestling. We don't know what he meant by that, but it sounds icky.
When the teams got to the mat, Phil called the man next to him "Peter." BJ & Tyler called him "Santa." We think Phil might have been wrong, because he looked like Santa to us.
Wanda & Desiree should have run faster and they would not have been eliminated. Teams don't like to be eliminated.
Finally, Steve and Dave want to thank all the people who have written to support us during our fight for respect. Even the churches in town have decided to try and help us.
Note from the TARflies editorial staff:
As part of our ongoing attempt at conflict-resolution with the notoriously cantankerous Steve & Dave, we have agreed to allow them to submit the above article in what they claim to be a "bold new style, sure to be an instant hit with all TARflies Times readers." We're reserving judgment.