The ATC Report

“In Control” – TAR7, The Finale

[Steve & Dave’s Note: we had every intention of writing this within a week of the finale. Unfortunately Steve decided that then was his chance to, “finally make it big on Broadway” and headed off to California. After getting things sorted out (and himself turned around) he eventually arrived in New York only to discover that the rest of the racers had beaten him there (surprise), so he stuck around for the TARflies lunch (bigger surprise).

At the same time, Dave was in the middle of drinking himself blind after losing $5000 on a Rob/Amber in first, Uchenna/Joyce in second parlay. He blamed the loss on a “hot tip” he had gotten from Jonathon and Victoria. Although he’s now using the, “I was just joking” defense; it seems as though sitting on your roof in just your underwear while waving a .44 Magnum and yelling obscenities at the passers-by can get you put on the “Watch” list of many law-enforcement agencies.

So that’s why this column is so late. Really. Could we make something like that up?]
You know, Steve – I’ve been saying this to anyone who would listen, but the finale was pretty anti-climactic to me.
Dave: You know, Steve – I’ve been saying this to anyone who would listen, but the finale was pretty anti-climactic to me.

Steve: Anyone who would listen? By that, I’m guessing you mean me, since I’ve heard this only 15 or 20 times already. Why don’t you go into your spiel on “luck” now?

Dave: No really – you and I both know how much luck plays a factor in The Amazing Race (since we were the recipient of it – both good and bad), but I thought the finale displayed that all too clearly. How many times were the racers bunched on that last leg? If they weren’t bunched, Uchenna and Joyce would have been 8-12 hours behind almost from the word go.

How many times have you seen a pilot allow the jetway to be put back to allow a couple more passengers on? Again, if that doesn’t happen then Uchenna and Joyce slug it out with Ron and Kelly for second and third.

And how much luck did Uchenna/Joyce have when their cabbie knew the location of the “King Of Havana” cigar shop after he made the quantum leap that “King Of Havana” is the English translation of the shop’s actual Spanish name?

That’s why I keep calling it anti-climactic. The finale showed that luck – not necessarily real racing skill – is oftentimes the single determining factor in The Amazing Race.

Steve: Are you finally done? Dude, don’t you realize that the finale was several weeks ago, that everyone who is a fan of the show already saw it, and that they’ve already formed their own opinions on what happened?

Dave: What?!! I state my opinion, and you decide to rip on me for it? Surely you must be joking.

Steve: I’m not joking, and don’t call me “Shirley”…ah, screw it – they’ve probably all seen “Airplane”, too.
Maybe we should just start mentioning screen names. That way they’ll see their name here and drop a note in the “Steve & Dave” section of the board.
Dave: Okay, we can’t talk about the show and we can’t do old movie bits. So what do you want to talk about? Near as I figure, only a handful of people read this thing anyhow. Maybe we should just start mentioning screen names. That way they’ll see their name here and drop a note in the “Steve & Dave” section of the board.

Steve: We do that all the time. You shouldn’t just come out and tell people that, though. Until now, they probably didn’t KNOW that’s what we were doing.

Dave: Come on, the folks at TARflies are hundreds of I.Q. points smarter than the sheep over at TWoP. They knew already.

Steve: Oh, like THAT wasn’t a lame attempt to garner favor with the posters. But speaking of TWoP, we could always talk about MissA…

Dave: Shut up, bitch! Don’t mention that name in my presence.

Steve: But I’m talkin’ about Shaft…

Dave: Nice segue. How long do we have to make this article anyhow?

Steve: I dunno. Do we need to include another “Find Romber”?

Dave: Ha! We could do a picture of Uchenna and Joyce at the finish line. Find Romber – you can’t because they finished second. Or, you can’t because they’re off planning their wedding. Or, you can’t because they’re currently negotiating their next CBS reality show appearance.

Steve: Uhhhhhh….yea. So, “Find Romber” is out then, right?

Dave: Cute. Hey, we could point out that we (well, me actually) correctly predicted the order of finish in our last column.

Steve: That wasn’t too tough. Read up on a few spoilers, did you?

Dave: Just one, actually.

Steve: Well now we’re on page 3 – at least on MS Word. Don’t you think we’ve done enough?
We really haven’t said anything of any consequence. Do you think Tribefan will be satisfied?
Dave: We really haven’t said anything of any consequence. Do you think Tribefan will be satisfied?

Steve: Did you actually read any of our other columns? Since when have we ever said anything of consequence?

Dave: That’s sort of my point. We usually go for quantity over quality. Right now the quality is zilch, and the quantity isn’t too far behind.

Steve: Hey, nice use of a username back there. You even got me.

Dave: Thanks. I was hoping it would slip through.

Steve: Should we be done then?

Dave: Yea, why not? Be sure to tune in next season, faithful reader, when Steve and Dave get to rip on whole families instead of just teams of two!

Steve: Rumor has it that one of the “families” even includes their trusted pet – Zippy the Wonder Pony. Should be fun…

Dave: Until next season then, hasty-la-bye-bye.

Steve: Toodles.