“In Control” — Leg 9 (or thereabouts)
We’ve done this before. Gotten really lazy, that is. You see, Steve was on vacation all week and planned on starting the column on Wednesday. Then something came up (he swears he really needed that nap), and he just never got around to it. On the other hand, Dave divided his time between working and bowling this week (hey, the city and state tournament were both really important) and just never made time for actually writing the column.
The truth of the matter is: We’re not sure if anyone reads the column. Hell, last week, we filled it with misspellings and grammatical errors to see if miri even glanced at it as she posted the darn thing. Nope. “Rumber” was still mentioned. So off Steve went on his “vacation” (visiting various Wendy’s with his collection of small body parts), and off Dave went to wine country to discover the magical Pinot Noir from the movie Sideways (some friggin’ bowling tourney). Oh, and we’ve also been busy with the latest issue of Playboy with Victoria. We haven’t seen a Racer naked since Chuck from our Race came to our room one night in Vienna. He was whining about how Millie STILL wouldn’t give it up. So, to make Chuck feel better, we pantsed the clowns.
As the deadline rapidly approached, we thought briefly about copying the CBS web site’s version of the episode and trying to pass it off as our own. The nice folks at the CBS legal department assured us that the ensuing lawsuit probably wouldn’t be settled for over a year, and we figured it would be easy to skip town by then (as we still had current passports with unused visas). Then miri, DariaG, and Big Slick caught wind of our plan, and there went THAT idea. (Just because they once stopped some schmuck from copying our column and passing it off as his own, they’ve suddenly become the freakin’ copyright Nazis.)
After a quick discussion, we decided that all of you had probably watched the show anyhow, so what could we tell you that you didn’t already know? Sure, we could have made fun of the fact that Ron & Kelly’s clothes and money got eliminated while they themselves remained in the Race. We could have mocked Rob for “worrying” two other teams into an earlier flight than his own. We could have awarded Meredith & Gretchen the coveted “The clue box is at the base of the tower, so let’s head to the top of the tower and see if we can’t locate it from there” award (three times). Ron certainly deserved the “Hey look! From up here, I can see the checkpoint with Rob & Amber standing on the mat” award.
But, as we said, you already knew all that. So, why bother rehashing it? Besides, we’re too busy pouting about the prizes. Can you believe that now they’re awarding prizes for LAST FREAKIN’ PLACE!?? With those rules, we would have cleaned up!
Here’s the return of “Find Romber” (from a suggestion by Steve’s 5-year-old daughter):
Extra bonus points for finding Waldo. Mega bonus points (plus a healthy reward) for finding Steve’s wallet, which he dropped somewhere.