Guys, if you ever needed confirmation that women hear things completely different than you say them, tonight’s show was it. Ron said something to the effect of, “honey, you need to chill for just a bit.” What Kelly heard him say was, “shut the f--- up.”

The sad thing is that she truly believes that Ron indeed said what she thought he said. In fact, as they watched the show tonight she again heard him say the exact same thing, and pointed out how she was 100% correct. Why? Because regardless of what men truly say, women hear something else. Even though women’s ears hear the same sounds that men’s ears do, by the time the words are transmitted to the brain they have magically morphed into something else.

Hey, you don’t have to believe us. Men, ask any woman who watched tonight’s show what Ron said to Kelly. Prepare to be astounded. We men all know that Ron told her to chill. Women all know that he told her to shut the f--- up. Since we’re on the subject, here’s some other common statements men make, and what women actually hear when men make them (remember, Steve and Dave have been married for a long, long time. No, not to each other – to our wives. In Dave’s case, four of ‘em. So we know about which we speak.):

He says: “You really look nice in that outfit.”
She hears: “Geez that outfit makes your ass look fat.”

He says: “Let’s go out for dinner tonight, shall we?”
She hears: “Get in there and cook me a steak.”

He says: “Can I help you clean the house?”
She hears: “I’m going to sit here and watch the baseball game.”

He says: “Wow! Your hair looks nice, did you have it done?”
She hears: “I’m horny. Let’s do it.”

He says: “That dinner was delicious. Since you cooked, let me clean up.”
She hears: “What’s for dessert?”

He says: “We had some unexpected bills, and need to watch what we spend.”
She hears: “Why don’t you go get that $300 dress you’ve been looking at?”

He says: “You spent $300 on a dress???!!!!”
She hears: “That dress could really use those $500 shoes you’ve been eyeing.”

He says: “…and $500 more on a pair of shoes??!!!”
She hears: “Now that you have the dress and shoes, why not add a matching handbag?”

He says: “A handbag too?!!! I give up. You obviously think we have enough money to spend it frivolously on whatever you want. Never mind when I say we had some unexpected bills and need to worry about our spending. This is just too much. Come on! You have to think about both of us instead of just yourself!
She hears: “I…think we have enough money to spend…on whatever you want. Never…worry about…spending…too much…on…yourself.”

He thinks: Shut the fuck up.
She says: “I heard that.”

So, Ron, if you decide to pursue your relationship with Kelly, Steve and Dave offer this suggestion to secure a lasting union. TIVO. That’s right, the second best invention known to man (heated seats in your car being #1) will save your marriage. Pause the big game when she starts yammering about how the kid is doing in school. Back up Final Jeopardy just like you never missed it when she rambles relentlessly about the tulips blooming.

As for the rest of tonight’s race – we saw Rob and Amber continue to excel, major mistakes by a couple of teams at the roadblock, and the elimination of Brian and Greg. These two guys turned out to be pretty funny, although TAR aficionados should have figured they would never finish in the top three with the number of errors they had made (and continued to make tonight). Too bad production couldn’t make a snap decision and make it a non-elimination leg. It would’ve been priceless watching those two try to get on an airplane dressed as they were. Furry hats rule. Here’s our bold prediction for TAR7 – Rob and Amber will win the race. You heard it hear first.

And now, time for the award-winning “Spot Romber.”