Fashion Reports

Fashion Report — Episodes 10 & 11

Really, Freddy. It is NOT ok to steal airplane blankets and then to wear them, José El Dorkpants.
So, it's been three or four weeks of racing, and we've seen everything those Racers have in their packs. What's left to discuss? Freddy's makeshift poncho! He looks like someone who's living in poverty . . . and just keeps breeding and breeding. Really, Freddy. It is NOT ok to steal airplane blankets and then to wear them, José El Dorkpants.

It all makes me wonder, though. Losing a clue-I can understand that, to an extent. But losing a jacket? That's a stretch. It's too bad he didn't get lucky and lose Kendra.

My fash rep advice is to avoid ponchos altogether. They turn you into a shapeless blob. Women, avoid the shawl, too. It was big two years ago. Let it die . . . along with Jessica (freakin') Simpson.

And another thing, Freddy, it is NEVER okay to wear black calf socks with athletic shoes. Or to wear an American flag to cover greasy hair.

And, speaking of greasy hair, I must say that Bolo's skullies were being put to good use. They looked silly, but so did his hair.

Jon, he of perfect hair, showed us that no one can be perfect 100% of the time. He started off ep 10 in a baseball cap, and removed that cap on the charter flight. HELLO, HAT HAIR! The deal with the devil for great hair all the time must not have covered that eventuality. Apparently, the devil's powers may enable Jon to pop up out of a pool and tousle the hair into instant perfection, but not even the devil can mend the damage of a baseball cap. Let this be a lesson: once on, the baseball cap stays on. Come damnation or Philimination.

Aaron continued to sport sweat bands in eps 10 and 11. It seems he has two. One yellow and green, one red and yellow and green. It's the most color we've seen on the boy since episode one!
They gave him length (minds out of the gutter, people). And he needs all the length he can get. Gutter!
We saw nothing new from Adam and Rebecca in eps 10 and 11. We did see Adam briefly in shorts, though, and I must applaud that choice over man-pris. They gave him length (minds out of the gutter, people). And he needs all the length he can get. Gutter!

Hayden and Kris formed the episode 10 strippers union. They both disrobed for the camera at the track. Tasty treat . . . if you're into that sort of thing. I liked it better when Jon was stripping in the recap episode, but, hey, yay to TAR for being an equal opportunity exploiter!

Hayden and Kris (and Rebecca) all happened to wear light blue tank tops in ep 11. It was the first time I can recall seeing cross-team triplets! Part of me hopes that it wasn't just a fluke. Wouldn't it be grand if the three of them stayed up late, giving themselves facials and planning to do something to exclude Kendra, Princess of Purple? Of course, chances are, if it were a planned thing, Kendra might well have been included . . . but unable to participate because she had nothing but berry in her backpack.

In ep 10, though, we did see what a beauty Kendra can be when she doffs the violet. I loved the black cap she was wearing when she was throwing up. That and the black underneath the purple jacket (which we saw as an all-black outfit at the track) made her look like a sexy cat-burglar. It bordered on fetishy. And that's always fun!

Also fun, Hayden's knit cap. And her pink sleeveless tee. I like seeing the women in sleeveless tops, as opposed to skank tops. Any variety makes me happy at this point.

Unless it's the variety shown by Lori in her white tee with mesh, beige half-sleeves. At least the beige matched her khaki shorts. And sick, sad purse (which I didn't see-thank God).

But that purse and those skullies . . . sorely missed.

Since everything seems to have been done before (and done to death) in terms of these Racers outfits, eps 10 & 11 will be the eps of the Variety Award for those Racers who went outside their normal modes of dress.

Best variation (female): Hayden. Sleeveless instead of skank top. Looked good. Hid some of the boniness.

Best variation (male): Adam. Shorts instead of man-pris. The best choice every time.

Worst variation: Señor Freddy and his ghetto poncho. I wonder what Kendra said to him about that outfit off-camera.

Best dressed (individual): Kendra. Looked damn fine puking. Now that is what really separates the models from the rest of us. Anyone who can rock a hot cat-burglar outfit while suffering food poisoning is someone who deserves to have "they pitcher took."

Worst dressed (individual): Freddy. Black socks with sneakers, zyl frames (so 1999/2000), homemade poncho, gross hair barely hidden by a do-rag. He's like the Central American Napoleon Dynamite.

Worst dressed (team): Lori & Bolo. For old times' sake. Their absence on the Race leaves us with much less to mock. And they were fun. Didn't care for the skullies, but the team was fun.

Peace, out, fash readers. (And stay tuned for a very special-and very belated-finale/TARcon fash rep!)