Amazing Race 6 – The Finale
Ryan Seacrest: It’s all come down to this. After traveling across thousands of miles, the final four teams are heading towards the finish line of The Amazing Race 6. Tonight, in a special two-hour edition of “The Amazing Race,” one of these four teams will be your next Americ…err…Amazing Race winner.
[cue: Theme Music, Opening Montage]
Seacrest: As usual, we have our three judges with us tonight. First on the left is Randy Jackson!
Randy Jackson:Yea, Dog! Woo-woo-woo!
Seacrest: Next we have the ever-lovely Paula Abdul!
Paula Abdul:Awwww, that was sweet.
Seacrest: And finally we have the legend in his own mind, Simon Cowell!
Simon Cowell: It’s unfortunate that the public hasn’t cut you from this job, just as they did with your talk show – which was pathetic.
Seacrest: Ouch! First up tonight our judges will narrow the field from four to three, because we all know that only three teams will be in the second hour of the show racing for the finish line. Let’s begin! Judges?
Simon: It’s very obvious to me which of these teams doesn’t belong. We are running a race here, and I can’t believe that this team wasn’t eliminated long ago. They have absolutely no racing skills whatsoever, and would be hard-pressed to even figure out what a race is from watching it on television.
Paula: Why do you have to be so mean? All four of these teams have proven that they have what it takes, that they belong here, and I think that any of them have the ability to win.
Simon: That’s your opinion.
Randy: Yea dog! I’m feeling you, dog!
Simon: Let’s vote. Randy, who do you say goes?
Randy: Oh, dog. This is a hard one for me, you know? I mean, you know? All of these teams can really lay it out there and hit me right here, but I’m afraid I’m gonna have to say Adam and Rebecca, dog.
Paula: I just want to say that all four of these teams have done a really good job. I really care about all of them, and I want each of them to know that this is a really hard vote for me to make. Hayden and Aaron – you fight about some silly things, but you always seem to pull it together when you need to. Freddy and Kendra – you have said some very terrible things about the places you have been to and have alienated some of your competitors, but you have also been a very strong team. Adam and Rebecca, you also fight far too much and it’s true that you really are a Nancy-boy, Adam – but I have to cast my vote for Kris and Jon. Just because they have been getting a lot of face time the last two episodes, and I feel that their bad luck will continue in the next leg.
Simon: I don’t know how you could possibly make that vote. Kris and Jon have never finished a leg lower than fourth place, they have won three of the 11 legs to date, and they get along far better than any of the other teams.
Paula: You always think you know everything, don’t you?
Simon: I obviously know more than you. Adam and Rebecca – you have spent all but one leg of the race in the back half of the pack, you have finished last or second-to-last in each of the last three legs, and you have no money to start the next leg. I’m afraid this is where the race ends for you.
Paula: I can’t believe you just did that. That was so mean.
Simon: I prefer to think of it as honest.
Paula: I’d like to add a comment about Adam and Rebecca, if I may.
Simon: No. We’re done with them, and his unfortunate hair.
Randy: Dog! Can you feel it, dog? That’s just…woohoo, man – woohoo!
Seacrest: Now we move into the second hour of the show, and our judges will crown this season’s winner!
Simon: I don’t suppose there’s any chance that you will stop talking, is there?
Randy: Dog, that was just so…you know, dog? I mean, I was feelin’ it the whole way, right?
Simon: Masterfully said.
Paula: It’s time we discuss the final teams, and I’d like to begin.
Simon: By all means, be my guest.
Paula: Thank you, Simon. You already know that I think that all of these teams are just wonderful, and it will be very hard to pick one of them for third place. But I’ve already cast my vote that Kris and Jon were going to finish fourth, so I must again vote for them here. I truly don’t think they will be around in the final three, but if they are then they will finish third. They are a really good team, but just not up to the caliber of the others.
Simon: Were you listening when I quoted the statistics about Kris and Jon? I don’t see how you could consider them for third when they and Hayden/Aaron are the two best teams left in the race! In fact, Freddy and Kendra are only marginally better than Adam and Rebecca were. The choice for third place is almost as obvious as the choice for fourth. Freddy and Kendra could surprise us, but only by finishing fourth instead of third. I vote for Freddy and Kendra in third.
Randy: Paula, girl…are you convinced about Kris and Jon? I mean, are you sure?
Paula: I am convinced 100%. Make it 1000%.
Randy: OK, then. I’m going to have to go with Paula on this one. I will vote for Kris and Jon in third.
Paula: Thank you, Randy. You won’t regret it.
Simon: You two are both insane.
Paula: Shut up, Simon.
Simon: Now that we have reached the final two, the choice is obvious. Hayden and Aaron finished first in four of the 11 legs, they have only finished worse than fourth but once, and they have led for part of each of the legs so far. They are the clear choice for first, with Freddy and Kendra in second.
Randy: Dude, I think you made that statistic up – the one about them leading in each of the legs.
Simon: I might have, but if Paula can use a fictitious number like “1000%”, then I can make up statistics.
Paula: You’re such an ass, Simon. I hate to have to agree with you, but I think you are right this time. Freddy and Kendra will finish second, with Hayden and Aaron finishing first.
Simon: Finally, you show some intelligence.
Paula: Simon, just…shut up! Randy, what do you think?
Randy: You know, dog – I thought this would be a lot tougher, but now that we’ve got here I think the choice is pretty clear-cut. Freddy and Kendra, you raced well but just not good enough. Hayden and Aaron, congratulations on winning The Amazing Race!
Seacrest: There you have it, America. Hayden and Aaron win the race; Freddy and Kendra take second, Kris and Jon in third, with Adam and Rebecca coming in fourth. That’s it for this season of The Amazing Race – Seacrest out.
Author’s note: That’s the way the American Idol judges see it. But Steve and Dave have slightly different opinions. Besides which, the more picks we make, the better the chance we have of getting one right.