The ATC Report

“Bolo's Big Adventure” - A Travelogue

is for “Adidas Aba ba”
(found in Eee-thee-oh-pie-eh).
We didn't spend much time there,
but the airport seemed okay.

is for “Bradleburk,”
the Germans call it a gate.
We thought it really was an arch,
like at McDonald's, where we ate.

is for “Chicargo,” Illinoise -
a beautiful ocean city.
We came to shore on power boats.
The skyline sure was pretty.

is for “Duh Car,”
where we found that poet's grave.
The place seemed pretty run down,
even the roads weren't paved.

is for “Eee-thee-oh-pie-eh.”
Pull two donkeys and you're home free
Laurie said the way I acted
It felt like she pulled three.

is for the town of “France,”
but it's different to the locals.
I think they called it Corsica,
which is why we called them yokels.

is for “Grin, Dammit” -
the place we ended leg one.
It took so long to get there,
we thought we'd never get done.

is for the city called “Hungry”
Trabants lined up in a bunch.
None of those crappy cars would start
so I ate one for my lunch.

is for “IKEA”
(a store in Stockem Sweedin).
We counted so many pots and pans
my fingers started bleedin'.

is for “Jindarme” -
a Four and Legion Aire.
We found them on the isle of France.
We left, but they stayed there.

is for the county of “Kayar,”
where we stacked up fish a bit.
No more sushi for me, thanks -
I think it smells like shit.

is for “La Crows” (a lake),
where Laurie hauled out salt.
Right past that whining “Nancy Boy,”
two places we did vault.

is for “Mason,”
which the French would call a house.
We saw Napoleon's Mason.
The French call him a louse.

is for “No Hair” —
the busiest airport in the land.
We wondered if Steve and Dave were there
to give our flight a hand.

is for “Oh Limpic”,
the stadium in Beerlin.
Lori rode the bungee there
“Her boobs didn't move,” I grinned.

is for “Pudabest.”
(I think that's how it's said.)
It was that town in Hungry
where I hit Freddy on his head (snicker).

is a letter I never saw
that named a town or place.
We might have finally seen one,
if we were still in the race.

is for “Raymond's Sick,”
in the land that's named for ice.
The country's awful small, though,
I think we went through twice.

could stand for many places,
but this one is “See Lanky.”
That's where Phil said we were last.
(I cried and used my hanky.)

is for “Two for Burgs”
and the German Devil's Mount.
Lori rode the soapbox down,
I watched the timer count.

is for the “U.S.A.”
I hope I spelled it right.
We loved this country oh so much,
We're moving there tonight.

is for “Voss”
a town in Norway, true.
We finished up leg two there.
The cold had made us blue.

W, X, Y, Z
Are more letters that did not fit.
I hadn't seen enough I guess,
to use those letters, I admit.

It's plain to see that if I'd tried
those letters with names to fill,
you would not be reading this right now,
for I'd be writing still.

Steve & Dave's addenda:
We know our column sucked this week.
They can't all smell like roses.
But if you feel like ripping it,
you must do so in proses.

(ah crap, that sucked, too…)