Amazing Race Rants

Amazing Race Rant — Episode 7


“Clicking into AOL is like communicating with my best friend” … Jonathan … cold, two-dimensional, and it doesn’t talk back. Sounds about right for Jonathan

“That’s why women don’t rule the world” … Jonathan … proposing the theory that every great dictator rose to power based on their cab hailing abilities.
Still, no one prepared Adam that he might have to face the challenge of the double click on the race.
“Wait, I just did it wrong. Babe, why are you retarded right now?” … Adam / Rebecca … just “right now?” That’s being a bit generous. Still, no one prepared Adam that he might have to face the challenge of the double click on the race. Maybe there’s an adult around who can help him.

“If we aren’t last, God is with us completely” … Bolo … or he’s just really peeved at the other teams. Surprised Jonathan hasn’t received a stray lightening bolt or two.

“Rebecca, why are you going that way? Hurry up, Adam” … Adam / Rebecca … snubbed again by the cool kids and his girl, Adam relives his high school nightmares.

“It looks like Disneyland but real” … Aaron … not sure the Hungarian architects had that the whole “Amusement Park of the Future” theme in mind when they built the city, but it works.

“It’s that whole Gothic architecture thing that gives it this feeling, like you can feel it” … Kris … if you are getting a happy feeling from Gothic architecture, the designers must have been way off the mark.

“Let’s go be romantic by ourselves” … Adam … not sure the producers would allow it any other way. Group romances are reserved for Fox.

“I’m so over being romantic with you. I don’t want to be romantic with you. You’re like my brother” … Rebecca … and the fact that he can still pursue her after this line is a fine reflection of his commitment to her, or that his relatives might be a little too close.

“They don’t want to be with us because we suck and the sucky part about it is I’m a cool chick. I’m fun to hang out with” … Rebecca … apparently Rebecca is torn between the goal of winning the race vs. getting a cool date for the prom.

“I look at Aaron and Hayden. I look at Kris and Jon. It just seems so much healthier than what I have” … Rebecca … and then I look at Jonathan and Victoria and figure that I don’t have it so bad after all.

“Rebecca and I have a lot of problems and issues” … Adam … the chief being his apparent lustful feelings towards his newly proclaimed “sister.”

“I still have a lot of love for her. That’s never gone away” … Adam … no matter how many times Rebecca has.

“You know what, Victoria? You’re dumb” … Jonathan … and she’s got the marriage license to prove it. The mental magician must have spent hours coming up with a snappy put-down like “you’re dumb.” He must be making notes.

“It ain’t great digs but it’s better than sleeping on the street” … Gus on Hotel Fortuna … as hotel slogan’s go, that should probably go on the “maybe” pile.

“We’re heading to the historical railway museum” … Jon … not to be confused with the Budapest museum of modern railways, also called the train station.

“We are all in a race. And you are part of that race” … Jonathan to Cab Driver … notice the part about winning a million dollars wasn’t mentioned.

“Who pulled the gate down?” … Freddy … I’m guessing that “gravity” isn’t the answer that Freddy’s going to get a kick out of.

“When I find out who pulled the gate down, it’s somebody’s ass” … Freddy … I find that threats are always the best way to make someone come forward and confess.

“One of you I will break in half” … Freddy … unless you’re Bolo … or Jon … Gus would be pretty tough … Lori would beat me up … okay, one of you I will really scowl at.
Kendra showing how she’d failed her bedside manner class in nursing school.
“It was like getting hit by a bat. Yeah, it looks like it” … Freddy / Kendra … Kendra showing how she’d failed her bedside manner class in nursing school.

“Teams will have to take part in the legend of the vampire and drink a goblet of pig’s blood to win the fast forward” … Phil … not sure the legend of the vampire would have lasted as long if they simply terrorized the pig herds of Eastern Europe.

“The next clue is waiting outside the main entrance to the Hajos Alfred Nemzeti Sportubzoda” … Phil … the roadblock will probably be having to say the name five times really fast.

“You messed my face up. You messed my face up. Wah. Ain’t gonna take no pictures with that face. Super Model” … Bolo … Bolo with the distinct racing advantage of being able to be hit by a steel bar and not having anyone know the difference.

“Ooh, it’s very vibrat-y” … Kris on the railcar … soon to be in spas everywhere … the Hungarian shiatsu machine.

“Did I say it wrong? Haron and Aiden. I always say that” … Kris / Jon … not to worry. For getting a cab before they did, I’m sure Hayden and Aaron have a few Kris & Jon name variations on the go, too.

“Do you speak English? No” … Gus / Cab driver … though he apparently understands it just fine.

“I lost total control. It was like someone taking the lid of a pressure cooker” … Freddy … or in this case, viciously bashing the lid with a steel bar.

“We just played water polo in Hungary” … Kris … well that’s one more thing crossed off the life’s “to-do” list. Time permitting, bowling in Budapest is probably next.

“Distract him! Hi!” … Rebecca / Adam on how to score a goal … with his hair wet and flattened down, Adam quickly resorts to Distraction Plan B.

“I’m going to take off my underwear and jump in” … Jonathan … and so begins our TV tour of famous police stations of Budapest.

“I have a cannon for an arm. I am the Michael Jordan of water polo” … Aaron … a fair comparison, but Michael didn’t exactly run for his next clue after every shot.

“I’ll make a cheer for you. No. If you start doing that I’ll stop eating” … Hayden / Aaron … new team strategy, have Hayden go cheer on the other teams, with musical accompaniment. They’ll be there for hours.

“You’re not doing it right” … Jonathan on soup eating … I never would have guessed there was a right technique for eating 24 ounces of soup with a teaspoon, but there you go. I notice his coaching fell short of grabbing a bowl himself to show her.

“He obviously likes it” … Jonathan on Jon’s soup eating … Jon inadvertently becomes Life cereal’s Mikey of the Hungarian spicy soup world.

“She’s the eater” … Jonathan on Victoria … since the position of insensitive idiot had been taken, eater was the only role left.

“There’s a hair in my soup!” … Victoria … if it makes it any more comforting, the spicy soup probably killed whatever it was attached to.

“Look at her eat at a million miles per hour. How does that little thing put all that in her body” … Jonathan … calling her a thing probably helps, but the greatest inspiration is that this soup is standing between her and getting away from you/

“Hayden. You are the biggest pain in my ass” … Aaron … give the soup time to work its magic. A few hours from now, it might be a different story.

“The faster you eat it, the less full you’ll get” … Adam … yeah. Your gag reflex will see to that right quick.

“Braaaw. Braaaw. I think we need more music” … Aaron / Adam … Definitely. That whole audience participation part of the band’s set seems to be falling a bit flat.

“You are a machine” … Adam to Rebecca throwing up … I think once society has created a machine that throws up, technology may have gone a bit too far.
It’s Hayden prerogative to confuse the cab driver in as many languages as she sees fit.
“Hurry hurry. Mui rapido. That’s Spanish. I don’t care if it’s Spanish” … Hayden / Aaron … that’s right. It’s Hayden prerogative to confuse the cab driver in as many languages as she sees fit.

“Rebecca. I’ve never seen a monster like her” … Jonathan … you can believe him. Jonathan is a self-taught expert on the subject.

“That was one of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen” … Adam on Rebecca’s eating talents … Budapest is a beautiful city, but what I’ll remember most is the soup gorging.

“I pour Tabasco sauce over everything. I love spicy foods. Paprika. I love paprika” … Hayden / Cab driver … Hayden figuring that the best cure for an upset stomach is to have people talk about spicy foods.

“Honey, wipe your nose cause you’ve got snot pouring out from the spices” … Hayden … why go the “honey, here’s a Kleenex” route, when embarrassing and brutal honesty is available.

“Don’t go into the pit stop crying again” … Jonathan … I’m sure Phil would much prefer that you toss your cookies over the mat instead. There’s probably a show rule that no racer is allowed to cry at a more than two pit stops over the course of the race

“My daughter will always be my daughter but now my daughter is my friend” … Gus … and that friend now owes me a giant beer from the Berlin Brahaus.


When opening up e-mail is now presented as a racing challenge, it might be time for some new writers.
With all the product placement, you would think HP could throw in a printer or two and have them print off their clues rather than copying them off the screen.
With all the product placement, you would think HP could throw in a printer or two and have them print off their clues rather than copying them off the screen.

Would somebody please tell Aaron that he really doesn’t need to talk back to the computer. It doesn’t care.

If you ever had to take a train at 2:55 in the morning, would seeing Lori and Bolo on it not be your worst nightmare?

Why does Jonathan ask for a driver that speaks English, yet then proceeds to talk in big hand gestures?

The Amazing Race can no longer claim that no number stands were hurt during the filming of the race.

When Jonathan was trying to calm Freddy down, would playing the Twilight Zone theme have been appropriate?

Is it safe to say that we won’t be seeing the Hungarian water polo team go very far at the Olympics anytime soon?

Pig’s blood is easy. Now protein shakes … they’re hard.

Nothing says “welcome to my town” like a scary guy with a whip. Puts a whole new spin on being eliminated, though.

After Lori’s attempted hickey on Phil, will he revert to nothing but turtlenecks?

If I never hear another set of Hungarian improv jazz again, it will be too soon.

I guess the restaurant’s plans to have an “All you can eat soup” night might not be a good idea after all.

Eating strategy tip: while your partner is eating, it’s probably not a good idea to point out where everyone else threw up.

Yelling HUNGARY at the pitstop probably didn’t do much to settle many soup filled stomachs.

Hats off to Gus for getting through that big bowl of soup with only a little sweat and a burp. Probably could have used a beer stein chaser to finish it off.

It’s sad to see that all this racing is apparently getting in the way of Adam and Rebecca’s sightseeing.