Fashion Reports

Fashion Report — Episode 5

The Racers chose the fifth leg as their “let’s dress inappropriately for a race around the world” leg.
Big Slick: As leg five was run in under 24 hours, some Racers wore the same clothes from start to finish. Unfortunately (for them), there is still plenty to discuss in the fashion report. The Racers chose the fifth leg as their “let’s dress inappropriately for a race around the world” leg. I saw skirts, jeans, purses, flip-flops, and all manner of blunder. Many Racers looked good, but, when it comes down to looking good vs. one million dollars . . . okay, I’d choose to look good, too. Well, I’d find a happy medium (I’d like to think).

Giuseppe: Hell, I’d go shopping with Carson Kressley, then plan all my outfits in advance and have them rolled up into separate baggies in my backpack with accessories labeled accordingly. Well, maybe not, but that’d be fun.

Big Slick: Giuseppe, who were the prime offenders?

Giuseppe: Oh poor, poor Gus. It really is unfortunate that nobody changed clothes, because we were stuck with Gus in that ill-fitting green shirt and crotch bunching shorts. Bad, bad, bad. I also confirmed this episode that the man is indeed wearing black-strap sandals with white socks. I . . . I just . . can’t.

Big Slick: Kris and Jon wore flip-flops. Not sporty Tevas, like Hera’s, but actual flip-flops. Have you ever tried to run in flip-flops? I have. Actually, I ran about a hundred feet, and then I flipped them off (no pun intended) and ran barefoot.

Giuseppe: I love flip-flops, as many of y’all know. But for racing? They’d be left at home. And, yes, I’ve run in flip-flops, and it resulted in scraped up toes and a bloody knee. Definitely not advised. At least Jon and Kris wore theirs in what seemed to be a little down time in the leg. Once they got to the airport, they were back to sneakers. But I forgive them, because Jon in white plastic flip-flops is hella sexy.

Big Slick: Hera wore a skirt. And not a sporty, tennis-style skirt. Sadly, it was also an unattractive skirt, but her cute blue top and matching do-rag made up for that.
Good thing there was no squatting.
Giuseppe: I was wondering if that were the first skirt we’d seen on the race. Um, Hera, I love ya, girl, but why in the name of Martina Navratilova would you wear a skirt to run a leg? Good thing there was no squatting. Thankfully, she changed into track pants once reaching Berlin. And I did love her blue top. Pastels really work for her. The soft colors look great against her skin tone.

Big Slick: Lori brought out that sad, sad purse again. I felt more sympathy for it than disgust this time around. How would you like to be sandwiched next to that fake boob all day?

Giuseppe: Please, don’t make me gag.

Big Slick: Okay, let’s address Jon, then. We saw him go from sleeveless to tank. I thought his arms were beautiful, but he topped them with those shoulders. Damn. It’s just getting better each week. If the trend continues, he’ll be landing on the mat in his boxer briefs soon.

Giuseppe: (Oh, please, let it be true!) Ahem. Since we’re discussing skin here, I’d be remiss in not pointing out Adam’s upper body. This leg he wore a loose white tank top, and his pecs filled it out quite nicely while showcasing those beautiful biceps. With the cap hiding the hair horns and with him making dirty sausage jokes, he really was quite cute to me this episode.

Big Slick: Jonathan showed his true colors when he wore that fugly, black stocking cap in Senegal. Evil smurf.
I didn’t pause/rewind/play that scene at least 10 times. Really, I didn’t.
Giuseppe: And Freddy very nearly showed us his smurf, albeit unintentionally. Squeezing under the gate at the wall, there was a total Basic Instinct moment. Um, not that I looked that hard. I didn’t pause/rewind/play that scene at least 10 times. Really, I didn’t.

Big Slick: Don and MJ (may they sequester in peace) looked cute again in their green and blue t-shirts and khakis. This is the sort of team coordination I like. There’s a definite theme, but they’re not twinning. Everyone can learn from them (as far as clothing, not racing).

Giuseppe: We saw that type of coordination with JVJ, Teri and Ian, Reichen and Chip, and a few other teams from races gone by. I like it, too. Matching outfits are a big no-no, but when you can dress in different outfits and still be recognizable as a team, then it’s a good thing.

Big Slick: As backpacks caused a lot of duh-rama this week, the episode five awards will be for backpacks (and, of course, best and worst dressed).

Worst Backpack (individual): Freddy. His is very big, very ugly, and has no discernable outside pockets. He has no easy access to the goods inside while in confined spaces (trains, planes, and automobiles). It is also black, and that can be a surprisingly uncomfortable thing in hot weather and bright sun.

Giuseppe: Oh, I need my friend and former fashion partner Daria to help me on this one, as she is the backpack guru. I never pay attention to them unless they look like they’re going to crush the racer they’re strapped to, or if they’re covered in ugly yellow saran-wrap type covers. But I’ll agree with you on Freddy’s pack. It’s not very attractive. It looks like someone cinched a belt around a hardshell Pullman.

Big Slick: Best Backpack (individual): Kendra. Size matters. And hers is the smallest. Gives a little insight into why Freddy’s is so big.

Giuseppe: I’ll say Aaron, just because I like the yellow/gray color combo. And the fact that it gets to ride Aaron’s back all day.

Big Slick: Hot.

Giuseppe: Worst Backpack (team): Gus & Hera. Theirs look like your typical, overstuffed high-school packs. Not a fan.

Big Slick: They really do make it seem as if the team just hopped off the yellow bus and started to race.

Best Backpack (team): Kris & Jon. Matching, red North Face backpacks. You can tell they were purchased especially for the Race. They’re not too big, and they’re well-suited for hoofing it. They’ve also got a fun, hip style (like the team itself).

Giuseppe: I totally agree. Their packs are cool and sleek-looking, just like them.
He looked like a ballpoint pen. Well, they’re a little longer and sleeker than Bolo. I suppose he looked more like a roll-on deodorant.
Big Slick: Worst Dressed: Bolo. He ends up here a lot. It’s not that I don’t love him. He and Lori are one of my favorite teams—so funny and fun. It’s just that he wears jeans. And blindingly bright t-shirts with the sleeves rolled up. And those head things! Come on! This week’s was silver. He looked like a ballpoint pen. Well, they’re a little longer and sleeker than Bolo. I suppose he looked more like a roll-on deodorant.

Giuseppe: Well, now that I’m done laughing hysterically at that, I’m going to have to give my worst dressed shame stick to Gus, for reasons cited above. Between the shorts, the shirt, the sandals (with socks! Gah!), and the hat, he was definitely offending my sense of fashion aesthetics.

Big Slick: Best Dressed: Jon. The shoulders helped a lot but didn’t land him here on their own. He got here with his tank and cargo short combo in Senegal. He accented the outfit with flip-flops and the best accessory of them all, his dazzling smile (hey, it's Xmas time, let me be cheesy). His look fit his personality completely: cool, chill, ready for fun. And he was one of the Racers who had the decency to change clothes on the flight and give us more to trash talk here in the fash rep! That t-shirt he donned for Deutschland had the best fit of any shirt we’ve seen on a man thus far in TAR6. And also stylin’ was his sunglasses over visor technique. TOO COOL!

Giuseppe: I will honor Rebecca with this award this week. The girl has a body, and the tight, dark blue, low-rise pants really showcased that ass. She should be very proud of it. I also liked Freddy’s black shirt and khaki shorts ensemble. Simple, yet classy. See ya next time!



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