Amazing Race Rants

Amazing Race Rant — Episode 6


“This is Berlin. A trend setting city with a history of social and political turmoil” … Phil … well sure, if you’re going to dwell on those world wars and the whole wall thing. But, c’mon, they make a damn good bratwurst, too.
Perhaps focusing on not killing each other and staying out of jail might be a good start.
“Will Jonathan and Victoria be able to pull together and focus on the race?” … Phil … let’s take baby steps first. Perhaps focusing on not killing each other and staying out of jail might be a good start.

“and will Lori and Bolo be able to fight their way out of last place?” … Phil … don’t give them any ideas, Phil. The 6th place team may find themselves on the receiving end of a flying elbow.

“The last leg Jon was very angry with me. I don’t like anybody screaming at me but that’s just Jon” … Victoria … pretty understanding, but I doubt any judge is really going to buy the “that’s just Jon” defense.

“Hayden can be psycho sometimes and you have to be so patient just to balance us out” … Aaron … nothing like a sweet psycho comment to bring two people together.

“Checkpoint Charlie was one of the gates in the Berlin Wall that was used by most of the spies” … Gus … hopefully Gus won’t have to kill her now for revealing this information.

“Let’s just walk. Let’s just walk. Are you sure? Why do argue with me?” ... Adam/Rebecca … it’s not really arguing, Adam, if she’s pointing out why you are wrong.

“My opinion of Adam has changed. He’s just stubborn and spoiled. I think maybe that we would be better off not romantically involved” … Rebecca … plus have you seen his toenails? I’m not touching those even for a million dollars.

“Being last this morning could be a disadvantage” … Lori… as opposed to those other times when being in last kicks ass.

“When you arrive, put your names on the sign-up board. Oooh, so we’ve got to hurry” … Kris … well the clue doesn’t go into that much detail, so congrats to Kris for making that extreme leap of logic.

“Please go. It’s a green light. Can you go? This is not green. It is red” … Victoria / Cab driver … between Jonathan in Stockholm and Victoria in Berlin, this is the worst case of colour blindness I’ve ever seen in one family.

“Is Checkout Charlie codename for Gestapo” … Rebecca … I don’t know. Is Rebecca a code name for “complete ditz”?

“We should be able to do some research. We don’t know where we are going next? What kind of research do you want to do?” … Kendra / Freddy … maybe research on any German laws regarding the beating of smart ass fiancés.

“We’re sitting here for two and a half hours doing nothing” … Kendra … and the complaining just makes the time fly by, doesn’t it?

“Calm down. You need to calm down, Fred! I’m not going to take this” … Freddy / Kendra … Yeah, Fred. Make them open the roadblock now. I’m sure they’re just being anal about bungee jumping in daylight.

“Jonathan Baker! Why don’t you put my name down! I’m part of the team” … Victoria … take it as a sign, Victoria. Maybe this is your chance to find a better team.

“They’re such spazzes” … Aaron on Jonathan and Victoria … I haven’t really heard that term in 20 years, but yeah, somehow I think it works well here.

“Whatever. I’m just going to regroup in the cab” … Jonathan …poor cabbie didn’t sign up for a regroup session, however his fares are $2.00 for the first tantrum and $1.00 for each additional one, so it could be a good night.

“So I guess it’s my fault as usual” … Victoria … a historic moment. Jonathan and Victoria finally agree on something.
I’m afraid that pistols at dawn might be the only form of counseling left for these two.
“They should probably have some counseling” … Kris on Jonathan and Victoria … I’m afraid that pistols at dawn might be the only form of counseling left for these two.

“When are you going to just carry your own weight? Let me ask you that” … Jonathan … probably when you stop leaving your backpack behind.

“Oh, dude. What’s up with the crane, man?” … Rebecca … sounds like Rebecca has been doing some pre-bungee flying. If the crane guy starts talking like that, maybe you might want to second guess doing this roadblock.

“To put it simply, they’ll strap themselves into this contraption and like a rock in a slingshot, they’ll be flung 200 feet in the air” … Phil … an important safety tip: if the simple explanation uses words like “contraption”, ask for a more complicated one.

“I’m ready to do this one. You’re not doing this one, wussy-boy” … Adam / Rebecca … I see Rebecca’s plan to re-build Adam self-confidence is moving along nicely. I guess Adam’s justification for doing this roadblock was that all the other girls were doing it.

“What about if it goes around you neck?” … Victoria on the bungee … normally that would mean death, but since this is the Amazing Race, it’s death plus a 30 minute time penalty.
I’m hoping the auto maker didn’t pay a lot for this promo, because Phil’s pitch is a little bit of a downer.
“Once there, they must choose one of these notoriously unreliable local cars” … Phil on Budapest … I’m hoping the auto maker didn’t pay a lot for this promo, because Phil’s pitch is a little bit of a downer.

“She looked like a fish when a fish gets caught. Flinging around” … Aaron … if Mary Jean did it, Don would be so proud. Hayden does it and she’s a boated marlin. A generational gap or what?

“Victoria. You’re a superhero” … Jonathan … which I suppose would make him Kryptonite.

“I’m glad I don’t got a bigger boob job then what I got” … Lori on pre-bungee … be kind of sad if those were her last words, but it would make for one interesting epitaph.

“We traveled all the way around the world and if we get stopped here, we don’t go further. It’s over. If we don’t get on the plane, we lose” … Jonathan to ticket agent …hey, I’m just following the rules, sir, but when you put it that way, it’s kind of funny, too.

“Initially we decided that I would drive the car because maps scare me” … Hayden … fear of heights and maps. That must have been one messed up childhood.

“This ain’t a lotta car” … Gus … it’s just a whole lotta Gus.

“As an engineer and an aviator, it was no problem driving” … Gus … I didn’t realize that they still made airplanes with gear shifts on the wheel.

“I’ve never driven a car with a shifter on the steering column. It was difficult” … Freddy …frankly, I don’t know how all those people in the 60s got around.

“Just so you know, you are allowed to drive up to 120km” … Kendra … but that would be at the risk of having parts of the car fly off. Still, a convertible would be nice.

“Backward ass Hungarian cars” … Aaron … unlike those American cars that never get a dead battery.

“That’s zero. You’re in zero gear” … Rebecca … I guess in order to go in reverse, Adam is going to have re-learn his integers.

“I’m really good at cars. I know where the clutch is” … Jonathan … man, they are really lowering the standards these days as to what qualifies being good at cars. If he could find the radio and adjust the mirrors, too, he would be great.

“I can’t keep it in the same gear or the car will explode.” … Adam … however, there’s about a 50/50 chance that will happen simply by hitting the gas pedal, so time to take a chance and shift.
Aaron wisely says nothing, realizing this is not one of those statements that she’s looking for agreement on.
“Have you forgot? I am retarded with directions” … Hayden … Aaron wisely says nothing, realizing this is not one of those statements that she’s looking for agreement on.

“Turn the air on. There is no air! I’m just teasing. God, have a sense of humour” … Victoria / Jonathan … interesting strategy. Based on how Jonathan has been on the race thus far, Victoria deduces that now is a good time to start teasing him and gauge his sense of humour? Start running, camera guy.

“150 feet is a long way. Let’s do the cannonballs” … Kendra on the catapults …Kendra, obviously used to those short distance catapults, feels out of her league with this task.

“I like the catapult idea. It sounds like more fun” … Gus … Gus is right. I guess it was a bad idea to start charging visitors a fee for getting to roll the cannon and balls up the steep hill. It’s not that much fun after all.

“We’re in a competition. Can you do something for us? We go to Egertown, Egerville?” … Jonathan to the police … ah, Jonathan is playing the role of a dumb tourist. He’s been playing that role so well it almost seems real.

“OK. That was amazing. Amazing the things that I can do” … Jonathan … so asking directions from a cop is amazing? They were probably offering to guide them just so he’d get off their highway.

“They will receive their next clue using a wireless Intel Centrino laptop to log onto American Online. You’ve got Mail” … Phil / AOL guy … and the viewers will receive their next blatant product placement coming up right after these messages.

“Adam killed the car. We’re done” … Rebecca … with Adam’s driving, I wouldn’t be ruling out suicide so quickly.

“So this nice guy pulls over and does some voodoo spell on our car” … Rebecca … I believe the wizard called it his “put it in gear and turn on the ignition” spell. It’s quite powerful.

“Hey, look, there’s two cars here. We’re in third place” … Jonathan … the mental magician at work again. The calculator must have been just off-camera.

“You gotta be the man now and do the front. Well, then, you gotta to be the woman now and be quiet” … Victoria / Jonathan … and the cannon has gotta to be the cannon now and just blow these two up.

“I know what that means. It’s not good” … Kris on Hungarian drive by insult … on the plus side, he did offer me a lift once I dumped my non-driving boyfriend in the numbered car.

“We had a flawless run. If we were on your plane, we’d be number #1” … Jonathan … flawless because he hasn’t had to run with his backpack yet.
Hayden and Aaron should probably concentrate a little more on getting the cannon balls and a little less on the feng shui of the cannon.
“But we load it that way. It’s got to shoot people” … Hayden / Aaron on cannon position … Hayden and Aaron should probably concentrate a little more on getting the cannon balls and a little less on the feng shui of the cannon.

“Let’s just do that. I feel good about that. Rebecca, this could take 40 hours. Who’s the rock star today?” … Rebecca / Adam … despite his good advice, Adam has been demoted to the rank of Amazing Race roadie.

“Rebecca, push! I’m pulling. You’re not supposed to push, you’re supposed to pull. C’mon, push it!” … Adam / Rebecca … nice to see Adam and Rebecca taking time out of the busy race to work on their version of “Who’s on First.”

“Boy, these sure are some dirty balls” … Rebecca … edgy material and she provides her own laugh track. I thought they be saving these gems for the Director’s cut of the Amazing Race.

“You’re psychotic! You have to just relax!” … Aaron screaming to Hayden … and if this is Aaron’s relaxed state, they really should cut back on those double espressos at the pit stops.

“C’mon. Look. Race. Race” … Jonathan to Cab Driver … crazy screaming guy who wants me to look at his envelope. Next stop … Budapest mental hospital.


Watching Gus, I felt like I was watching less of a race and more of a travel documentary of major European cities.

If Hayden got hit by the car at Checkpoint Charlie, would that be considered a roadblock or a detour?

I not sure anyone noticed this because he hid it quite well, but I think Jonathan was bitter about missing that first flight to Budapest.

For all the wrong turns he’s made, it was interesting to find out that if Jonathan lost the race, it would be completely the fault of the ticket agent.

It’s a little known fact that cars in Budapest come with their own Bavarian oompah band music.

With their emissions, are those Budapest cars solely responsible for the thinning of the ozone layer?
Both of them could probably do with a mental tune up.
So Hayden is psycho but Aaron hurts his hand punching a rubber pylon. Both of them could probably do with a mental tune up.

Gus takes advantage of liberal driving laws in Budapest by driving across somebody’s lawn.

Lucky the Amazing Race had a mechanic on hand to confirm a dead battery. Probably have a separate specialist for flat tires, too.

If Victoria ever passed away, would it be most likely labeled “Death by trunk”?

Just how did Bolo fit into the back seat of one of those cars? With advanced yoga, that would still be tough.

If that was what Victoria calls sweet talking, it sure has gone downhill.

It is ever a wise move to jump on the trunk of a moving vehicle and tell your girlfriend to “put it in gear”?

If a couple can find time to argue over a tarp, they can find time to argue over just about anything.

Would the teams have had more luck on the catapult challenge if they moved the target directly behind the catapult?

Nice to see that no matter where you are in the world, the use of the term “choo choo” is still universally acceptable to cab drivers. It just doesn’t go out of style.

I wonder which guide book Jonathan was referencing when he found out that Budapest is in fact a shirtless society for men.

In the spirit of this week’s TO BE CONTINUED episode, will we soon be blessed withA Christmas episode of the Amazing Race
  • A “very special” episode of the Amazing Race
  • The Amazing Race reunion show
  • or a “Who shot Jonathan” episode?