The ATC Report

IKEA® Catalog Interview with Lena and Kristy

Steve: Hello again, this is Steve…

Dave: …and this is Dave. We’re currently waiting for Lena and Kristy, the last two racers eliminated from The Amazing Race 6.

Steve: Normally, we would already be conducting the interview, but for some reason these two seem to be running a bit behind.

Dave: Perhaps they’re still working on the roadblock.

Steve: Could you have telegraphed that joke a little more? Ahh…here comes someone now.

CBS Intern: Sorry, Lena and Kristy are still behind schedule. We’ll have them here shortly. [Leaves]

Dave: Well. It seems as though we have some more time to kill.

Steve: Ummmmm…yes. Well. Have you noticed how comfortable these chairs are?

Dave: Why, yes I have Steve.

Don Pardo: That’s because you are sitting on the “Trassent” chair, available in any local IKEA® store. It is constructed of plywood with a birch veneer, has a 100% wool covering, and is easily stackable when not in use. Why not get a couple today? They are only $99.00 each; however, some assembly is required.

Dave: Holy sh*t! Where did he come from?

Steve: I think he sleeps out back on the CBS lot.

CBS Intern: Thank you for continuing to wait. Lena and Kristy have one more interview to complete before yours. They will be here shortly. [Leaves]

Steve: You know, I’m really looking forward to talking to these two girls. They impressed the heck out of me by not quitting.

Dave: Unlike some team we know from TAR5. Think about how heavy those hay bales had to be, and they unrolled over 100 of them.

Steve: This race seems to be as physical as ours was, so far anyhow. Hey, hand me my soda from that table over there.

Dave: This table here?

Don Pardo: That’s not just ANY table, Steve and Dave. That’s the “Angersby” table, available only at your local IKEA® store. It features a solid beech pedestal with a tempered safety glass top. Some assembly is required, but it is available for only $79.00.

Dave: I don’t know about you, but he’s really starting to creep me out.

Steve: I wonder how he knows to do that?

Dave: Let’s just try not to talk about any products that IKEA® might sell from now on.

Don Pardo: That would be tough, since IKEA® carries so many wonderful household items. For instance, they carry bathroom furniture and organizers, beds, mattresses, chairs, cookware, storage items, mirrors, tables, tableware…

Steve: OK, we get it! Knock it off.

Don Pardo: Even that rug you’re standing on is the “Femmen” rug available from IKEA® online, or also from any IKEA® store. It’s 100% wool pile on a 100% cotton backing, and is available online for only $59.00. Online prices may differ from in-store prices.

Dave: I hope he leaves before the girls get here.

Steve: Don’t you think it’s kind of weird that both all-girl teams were eliminated in back-to-back legs?

CBS Intern: This is your 3-minute warning. Lena and Kristy are just concluding the interview before yours, and will be here in exactly 3 minutes. [Leaves]

Dave: It’s about time. Should we lead with telling them how much we respected their decision not to quit, or ask them what they thought when they saw Phil walk up?

Steve: Whatever we do, don’t ask them about whether or not the pans counted as one item or more when they were doing the count at IKEA®.

Don Pardo: You’re speaking of the “Kavalkad” set of three saucepans, and the “Kavalkad” set of two frying pans. The saucepan set contains a 1, 1.5, and 2-quart saucepan; while the frying pan set contains both a 20-centimeter (7-7/8”) and a 26-centimeter (10-1/4”) pan. The pans are made of solid aluminum, with a durable non-stick surface. The handles are made of molded phenolic plastic. The sets are sold individually, but either set can be had for only $7.99, available at any of the IKEA® stores, or online.

Steve: Hey, I see the intern coming back. Remember – NOTHING about IKEA® or their products.

Dave: You don’t have to tell me twice, dude.

CBS Intern: I’m sorry, but Lena and Kristy have decided they do not wish to interview with you today.

Dave: What? Why not?

Steve: You have GOT to be kidding! Why won’t they?

CBS Intern: They have read your interviews with the previously eliminated racers, and have decided that it would not be in their best interests to actually speak to you.

Dave: Come on, we really LIKE these two.

Steve: Yea, we promise to be nice. Well, nicer than we were to the others.

CBS Intern: Unfortunately, I must agree with their decision. I read your other interviews also. Please allow me to show you out, now. This way, gentlemen…

Dave: Any chance we could talk to Jonathan instead?

Steve: Yeah, I bet he would like us.

Dave: He’d probably even think we are funny.

Steve: I thought we WERE funny…

CBS Intern: He’s not out of the race yet so you can’t; he might; and you’re not. Good day.

Dave: This sucks.

Steve: Eh, it’s CBS, dude.