Reports from the Yellow Line

Leg 10: They're on a Roll Now

Episode 5-10 (Production #510)
"They're on a Roll Now"

[EXT. ZORB ROADBLOCK, MATAPARA FARMS, ROTORUA, NEW ZEALAND - DAY]

(A large group of Amazing Race and "Reports From the Yellow Line" production staff is clustered around two inflated Zorbs. Among them, HUGH MONERRA, PHIL KEOGHAN, and EDDIE VAN MUNSTER are listening in while one of the ZORBMASTERS explains to a doubtful ANITA MANN how to ride a Zorb.)

ZORBMASTER: ... we put some warm water in with you, seal it up, and off you go!

ANITA: You Kiwis are crazy. I mean, with all the extreme sport stuff around here, I knew it beforehand, but this thing.... How did you think something like this up?

HUGH: Just a hunch, but I'm guessing alcohol was somehow involved.

ANITA: Why don't you do it with me, Phil?

PHIL: Sure, I'll do it. I've ridden a Zorb before.

HUGH: Why am I not surprised?
PHIL starts unbuttoning his shirt. The crew starts whistling and catcalling.
(PHIL starts unbuttoning his shirt. The crew starts whistling and catcalling.)

ANITA: (shocked and delighted) What are you doing?

PHIL: I have to. I don't have any other dry clothes here, and there isn't enough time to get more before the racers arrive. (strips down to a pair of swim trunks)

ANITA: (grinning) Well, if you feel you must. (sidles over to EDDIE) Okay, boss, I'll do it for the intro sequence. I have to know what Phil looks like right after a Zorb ride. (to ZORBMASTER) Is there room in there for two people?

EDDIE: That's a great idea. With a little editing and soft focus, I could sell some of the footage to FOX!

ZORBMASTER: Oh, no. One person per Zorb.

HUGH: That's all right - Phil's wife would've ridden his balls about you riding his balls.

PHIL: That's too true! Okay, I'm ready to go.

ANITA: Hold on a second and we'll do a race down for the segment. (to ZORBMASTER) I'll ride that one.

(ANITA strips to her swimsuit and climbs into her Zorb as the whistles and catcalls start up again. The ZORBMASTER pours water into the Zorbs and seals them up.)

ANITA: Phil, can you hear me? (grins as PHIL nods) Where's the camera in here? Ah, here it is. Okay, we're ready to go, Eddie.

EDDIE: All right, Carl, bring your camera over and follow me. I've got the perfect spot for you ...

[CUT TO: PIT STOP, ROTORUA A FEW HOURS LATER]

(The camera pans over the rolling hills of the Pit Stop area and settles on HUGH, who is standing a few feet from PHIL and the GREETER.)

HUGH: Hello, Amazing Race fans, and welcome to another episode of "Reports From the Yellow Line"! I'm Hugh Monerra, and I'm in Rotorua, New Zealand, the Pit Stop for this leg of the race. The first team of racers should be arriving very shortly. But just before they check in, they'll have to perform a Roadblock

PHIL: A Roadblock is a task that only one person can perform!

HUGH: Thank you, Phil. (leans conspiratorially toward the camera and lowers voice) He gets a little something every time he says that. (normal voice) The Roadblock this leg requires racers to ride a Zorb down a hill. What is a Zorb? Well, let's take a look at this footage of Anita and Phil trying out the Zorbs earlier today.

(Video switches to ANITA talking to the camera in the Zorb.)

ANITA: Hi folks! This race has taken me to some unusual places so far, but none as unusual as this. I'm inside a New Zealand contraption called a Zorb, and it's a basically a water-filled inner plastic ball that is surrounded by a pocket of air 2 feet thick, and all that is surrounded by a larger plastic ball. Now, all the ball does is roll. Sounds dull until you find out that these things have clocked speeds of around 30 miles an hour! And how do the Zorbs go so fast? Well, we roll them down hills like this one!

(Video switches to the view from the bottom of the hill. Two Zorbs are visible at the top of the hill. ANITA is waving enthusiastically in one of them.)

ANITA: (voiceover) Phil and I will now show you what the racers will be doing. Ready, Phil? Okay. Ready, steady, go!

(ANITA and PHIL walk their Zorbs over the edge of the hill. As momentum takes over, ANITA and PHIL start yelling, and the sound of their yells grows louder and takes on a higher pitch as the Zorbs careen toward the camera. Suddenly there is a shift in the camera view, and a few seconds of unsteady footage accompanied by another man's yelling. The movement stops abruptly as the camera lands on its side in the grass, almost perfectly positioned to show the Zorbs rolling away. The video then switches back to HUGH at the Pit Stop.)

HUGH: Well, that may have looked a little scary for our cameraman, folks, but let me assure you he is just fine. Right, Carl? (camera view shakes a "no") Heh, don't worry, gang, he's just joking. (view shakes "no" again as HUGH laughs nervously and clears his throat) Ahem. Anyway, Anita's up on the hill, and she says that the first of the teams has arrived to try the Zorb. Anita, over to you!

(Camera pans to where ANITA and CHRISTIE are waving and walking down the hill.)

ANITA: (v.o.) That's right, Hugh. Colin is about to do the Roadblock, and let's just say he's excited. As in, let's do a flip and crow like a rooster excited! I'm heading down to the finish line of the Zorb course with Christie. What did you think of that Zorb, Christie?

CHRISTIE: Omigosh, it looked so fun! I wish we were both doing it.

ANITA: You weren't going to wrestle him for it?

CHRISTIE: He's more the adrenaline junkie. Hopefully I'll get a chance to do it before we have to leave the country, though!

ANITA: Maybe! Okay, we've arrived at the finish line, and Colin is ready to go!

(Camera pans up to Colin's Zorb, which is just rolling off the edge of the hill.)

CHRISTIE: Colin! (laughing) I can hear his "woo hoo" from here! He looks so funny.

ANITA: He's made it down the sloped hill. Now he has to walk the Zorb over this line.

CHRISTIE: This is the hard part, baby. He's got to make it to the finish line. (waves and gestures to COLIN and laughs again) Looks like a little hamster!

ANITA: You're not going to tell him that, are you? Don't you think it would be better to say, "I loved the way you handled your balls"?

(CHRISTIE and ANITA laugh as COLIN finishes the course and emerges from the Zorb.)

COLIN: That was soooo awesome. (cackles) Woo hoo hoo hoo!!! Okay. Up here?

CHRISTIE: Right up here. See you, Anita!

ANITA: Goodbye, Colin & Christie! Back to you, Hugh!

(Camera pans back up to HUGH and the Pit Stop.)

HUGH: Thanks, Anita. Well, it's Colin & Christie in first place again, and they've won yet another trip! Just what they need! They've got quite a lead on the other teams, so while Colin & Christie head off to get dried off and warmed up, we'll take this opportunity to take a break. In the meantime, visit our website at rftyl.com. We'll be right back!

(Video fades out, then fades in on LINDA and ANITA on the finish line of the Zorb course.)

ANITA: Hello, everyone. Linda & Karen have arrived at the Roadblock, and Karen will be riding the Zorb for their team. So Linda, what do you think of this task?

LINDA: Isn't that Zorb thing crazy? Karen said she was nervous about getting hurt, but there's this huge cushion of air in there. It'll be going fast down that hill, because it's so steep, but I know she'll be fine. Here she comes! (cups hands around mouth and yells) GOOOOO KAAAAARENNNNNN!!!

ANITA: (sotto voce) Lordy. My eardrums.

LINDA: GOOOOO KAAAAARENNNNNN!!! OMIGOD, THIS LOOKS SO FUN!

ANITA: Do you regret not doing the Roadblock yourself, Linda?
Not really it's pretty entertaining to watch Karen tumbling over and over in the Zorb like a dryer sheet!
LINDA: (laughing) Not really it's pretty entertaining to watch Karen tumbling over and over in the Zorb like a dryer sheet! (screaming) GOOOOO KAAAAARENNNNNN!!! WALK! (cheers as KAREN maneuvers the Zorb over the finish line)

ANITA: (as KAREN slips out of the Zorb) Great job, Karen!

KAREN: (laughing) That was fun! Scary, but fun!

LINDA: (laughing) I can't wait to see your kids' reactions when they see you doing that! Come on, come here, come here up the hill to the top!

ANITA: Bye, ladies! (to camera) Hugh, when they arrived, Linda told me they were worried that they were way back in the pack. Can you imagine what their reaction will be when Phil tells them they're in second place?

(Camera pans back up to HUGH and the Pit Stop. HUGH is making a big show of putting in an earplug.)

HUGH: Uh, what was that, Anita? I didn't hear you. I'm getting ready for the moms' arrival. Hey, Phil, Greeter Guy you want a set of earplugs? If you put them in right, they're almost impossible to see.

ANITA: (v.o.) Aha, good idea. You'd better hurry, though, Hugh. As for the other teams, I'm getting word that Brandon & Nicole on their way to the Roadblock. Ironically, the Christian couple spent an eternity at Hell's Gate, trying to find a clue in a huge mud pool. I'm sure they're happy that they were finally delivered from that evil!

HUGH: Heh. You'll have to share that joke with Nicole when she arrives. Now if you'll excuse me, the moms have arrived and I have to protect myself. After that, we've got a few minutes before Brandon & Nicole arrive, so we'll take this quick break. Stay with us, won't you?

(As the moms scream in triumph in the background, video and audio fade out. When they fade back in, the camera is focused on ANITA and NICOLE at the Zorb finish line.)

ANITA: We're back. I'm here with Nicole, who just arrived from Hell's Gate with Brandon. So you escaped Hell, huh?

NICOLE: Yeah, we did find that whole thing funny afterwards. We can't wait to share that story with our youth group! But we didn't find it too amusing while we were there. That place tested our patience and our faith so much!

ANITA: But you found the clue and made it out. And now Brandon's being tested again with a Zorb. Not in the Bible, those Zorbs.

NICOLE: (laughing) No, they're not. But they look a lot better than that mud pit.

ANITA: Here comes Brandon!

NICOLE: (laughing as the Zorb rolls down the hill) That was so funny! He was saying before he did this that he hates this kind of thing. But he's laughing now! (calling to BRANDON) Walk it!
Yeah, Brandon's found he's got the balls for this task!
ANITA: Yeah, Brandon's found he's got the balls for this task! (both NICOLE and ANITA laugh) Anyway, this leg went much better than the last one for you two. In that one, you lost all your money, and you nearly lost your hair.

NICOLE: It was way better, thank God. But I think it couldn't have gotten much worse!

(NICOLE and ANITA giggle as BRANDON struggles his way out of the Zorb. He grins as he straightens himself up.)

BRANDON: That was fun!

ANITA: Not as bad as you thought it would be, huh?

BRANDON: No, not at all.

NICOLE: Told you, you big chicken! Come on, come on. We have to climb that hill. See you later, Anita! Ugh, I hate hills.

BRANDON: Bye, Anita!

ANITA: And we're going to take another break while we wait for the next team to arrive.

(Video fades out and fades in on CHIP rolling down the hill in the Zorb. KIM and ANITA are standing at the finish line, laughing.)

ANITA: We're back again, and now we've got Chip in the Zorb. Sounds like a new dessert or something, doesn't it?

KIM: (laughing) Yes, it sure does. Oh, Chip baby! Omigod! He looks like a little rag doll in there.

ANITA: It looks like he's laughing and enjoying himself, even though he's being tossed around a little.

KIM: Better him than me. As soon as I read the clue of "Who's ready for a wild ride?" I gave it to Chip. I don't do wild rides. (raises voice again) Come on, baby, come on! Baby, you've got to lean to me, come on! Woo hoo! Go, you gotta go! There you go, you made it!

ANITA: So before you leave, Kim, do you regret your not using the Yield on the twins?

KIM: Omigosh, yes. We decided not to use it because we didn't think we were the last two teams. We put ourselves through a lot of unnecessary stress this leg because we thought Kami & Karli were right on our tails. Even now I'm stressing little bit because we don't know whether Kami & Karli have arrived yet. And you can't tell me.

ANITA: Sorry. Not with a multi-million dollar non-disclosure agreement in play!

(CHIP finishes the course and crawls out of his orb. He & Kim take off for the Pit Stop, shouting back their goodbyes as they go.)

ANITA: Well, Hugh, that means that Kami & Karli are this week's slowest team. They managed to stick around for a while despite the fact that they were never in the top tier. We'll take another break, and when we come back, we'll follow the twins as they finish their last Roadblock.

(Video fades out, then fades back in on the final Zorb rolling down the hill in the dark.)

ANITA: Welcome back, everyone. Kami & Karli have arrived, and I'm here at the Zorb course finish line with Kami. Kami, can you tell me how things went today?

KAMI: It went from pretty good to terrible once we landed in New Zealand. We had trouble with driving directions and the mud Detour option took us a really long time. I wish we had that choice to make over again.

ANITA: You think that severely affected your placement on this leg?

KAMI: We're pretty certain that we're dead last. And that's okay, because we're mentally prepared for it. (turns to cheer on KARLI as she tries to walk the Zorb across the finish line) Gotta do it, come on! Strength! (whoops)

(KARLI walks the Zorb over the line, then exits the Zorb with a big "woo hoo!" KAMI & KARLI start running up the hill.)

KAMI & KARLI: (in stereo) See you, Anita!

ANITA: Goodbye, ladies! Well, we've reached the end of another installment of "Reports From the Yellow Line." As always, I'm Anita Mann, and with my colleague Hugh Monerra, I'd like to thank you all for tuning in. See you next time!

[FADE OUT]

This is a work of fiction, for entertainment purposes only. Ain't nothing like the real thing.





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