Amazing Race Rants

Amazing Race Rant - Episode 11

Saving the Shire for this fate might not have been a good idea after all, Mr. Frodo.
Quotes

"Its lush and majestic landscape was used to create the fantastic on-screen world of the Lord of the Rings. These same rolling hills became the 10th pitstop in a race around the world." … Phil … from Middle Earth to a reality show pitstop. Saving the Shire for this fate might not have been a good idea after all, Mr. Frodo.

"I think both of us are very intelligent." … Colin … I'm not sure if Jesus the prodigal son and his scarab sword would agree with that.

"We've come in 1st the last 3 legs because everybody else sucks." … Christie … nice to see despite a winning streak, Christie is hanging on to that mutual respect for the other teams.

"It's not just that the other teams suck. I think we're pretty decent." … Colin … I'm surprised there is room in the car for Colin, Christie, and their combined egos.

"Linda and I would never have expected to be in second." … Karen … probably putting it a bit lightly. Fortunes could have been made in Vegas predicting this.

"Forget friends. You can have friends later." … Chip … a good point. A million dollars does have a way of bringing in the friends. And these teams aren't exactly likely to be doing any friendly reunion shows.

"Strong arms and strong legs. Is that you or is that you? [pause] Alright. I'm doing it." … Nicole/Brandon … with all these roadblocks he's doing, I think Brandon is starting to envy Job a little.
I guess by making him do these roadblocks, Nicole is reserving the "hurt my boyfriend" rights all to herself.
"Get him. Don't hurt my boyfriend." … Nicole … Nicole is protective. I guess by making him do these roadblocks, Nicole is reserving the "hurt my boyfriend" rights all to herself.

"I look up and it looks to be as tall as the Empire State Building." … Chip … with Peter Jackson filming King Kong just down the road, Chip climbing up a bridge might help inspire some shots.

"The pain of Jesus. The blood of Jesus. Jesus, you got to help me." … Chip …Careful, Chip. Telling Jesus that he's "got" to do anything is a sure fire way to end up doing a half gainer back into the river.

"If the Moms can do this, they're going to win the race." … Chip … but just to make it interesting, we'll keep on racing anyway … even if it is just for second place.

"I think you've got to go where the flag is." … Karen … well it's only taken about 10 legs but they figured out they have to go where the flag is. Maybe the twins gave them some advice.

"I don't know anything about the Philippines. I don't either. I know it's an island." … Nicole/Brandon … probably missed the days in modeling school where they discussed geography and how an "s" usually makes things plural … sorry … more than one.

"Heel … Toe … Heel … Toe." … Linda … by the end of this roadblock, Linda will not only be able to climb ladders but walk in high heel shoes, too.

"You're going to make me step off. That's nuts." … Linda … well climbing up a rope ladder to a bridge isn't ranking too high in the sane department either, so you might as well go for broke.

"This is scary. Are you sure this rope's going to hold?" … Linda … one school of thought says you just saw Chip do it, so it has got to be a strong rope. One the other hand, after Chip, how many drops can that rope have left in it?

"You look like Peter Pan." … Karen … the green suit might be a bit of a tight fit but to be fair, if Peter had three kids and a mortgage to pay off, he'd probably need some bungee rope help to fly, too.

"Where's Colin and Christie? They're way ahead of us. That's so typical." … Brandon/Nicole … those guys just never wait up. I don't know why we race with them if they're not being fair.

"Colin and Christie are like the Los Angeles Lakers. They are the best." … Chip … funny, I always thought Chip would make a better Shaq than Colin. Colin is more of the angry Lakers fan type.

"Everybody wants to see their most intense competition go. So I vote Colin and Christie out of the game." … Brandon … an excellent strategy if you were … say … playing Survivor. He's probably looking for Colin's torch to snuff out.

"Colin and Christie have been really nice to us but we still want to use the Yield on them." … Linda … I can only imagine poor Colin's fate if he had pissed off the Moms. Sent to his room? Grounded for a week?
Practical with a twist. Serious with some flair.
"Jeepneys are the Philippines' most common form of public transportation and a remnant of the American military presence during WWII." … Phil … and with the way the Jeepneys looked, that must have been one funky military presence. Practical with a twist. Serious with some flair.

"Colin is standing at the Yield sign watching me. That was so uncomfortable." … Chip … where does Colin get off staring at Chip when he could be staring at Chip's picture smiling back at him from the Yield sign?

"Left. What does left mean?" … Nicole … Brandon's accomplishment: Finishing the jeep. Nicole's accomplishment: making the letter "L" with her index finger and thumb to remember left from right

"Linda and I are both mothers of three. We're used to putting things together. Moms can fix anything." … Karen … sadly something went horribly wrong when they ended up transforming their jeep into a swing set with a slide.

"Me and Brandon let some women beat us putting together a car. I'm, like, 'danggggg'!" … Chip … saying that with Kim beside him, was Chip wondering "Gee. It's been awhile since I slept on a couch. Let's give it a try"?

"I can't even look over at them. I'm so ashamed." … Chip … driver, please drive faster. A bigger lead is the only thing that helps my guilt out.

"It's okay. Run them over. Just run them over" … Christie …. It must be Christie turn to work the "I'm insane" shift. Colin will be punching in shortly.

"It's a labour intensive task but teams will be dealing an animal that's used to working with people, so they should be able to get the task done quickly." … Phil … but working with Amazing Race teams? That mixture has Pamplona written all over it.

"Must catch up with other teams. Because they Yielded us. They played unfair." … Christie to jeep driver … the driver's mental battle: defend the honour of Colin and Christie vs. I don't really understand what you're saying or care to, either. Not a tough choice.

"Oh, Brandon, you're so good. You're good, too, baby" … Nicole/Brandon … and that's about as close to an Adult rating as we're going to get from these two. Might have been nice to thank the ox, too, who did have a small part in all this.

"My ox is broken." … Colin … Honey, if you're not going to take better care of your ox, you can't keep him. Hope the warranty on the ox hasn't expired … it's expensive to get the parts for some of those foreign bovines.

"This is bull shit." … Colin … courtesy of the ox, no doubt. Well it's not like Colin brings out the best in animals, or like there is an ox port-a-potty close by.

"If there is anyway possible that you could not wander aimlessly." … Christie … a pleasant mix of helpful with a side order of judgment and criticism. That should have a soothing effect on Colin.

"Listen to yourself. No wonder you can't control it." … Christie …she's has a point. You really don't see the successful yet angry-on-the-verge-of-meltdown farmers in the media too much.

"Oh my God, I hate you!" … Colin … TV movie moment: she loved him for his Zorb riding; he hated her lack of farm skills. Can the ox help them find love again?
I agree stupid might be applicable but as to which animal … the jury's still out.
"Whoa. Whoa. Stupid ox. Stay in the field." … Colin … horse commands said in English given to an "ox" that knows Spanish. I agree stupid might be applicable but as to which animal … the jury's still out.

"Well, we're obviously not doing it the way it is supposed to be done." … Christie … quite the understatement. The Philippine people would have starved long ago with the Colin and Christie method of plowing a field.

"Do you know the Coconut Palace? The Cookie Palace?" … Brandon/cab driver … sure, they might be late for the pit stop but you have to agree there are probably a lot worse fates than ending up at the Cookie Palace.

"Over 100 is prohibited here. I have no choice but to break the law. Yes. Good!" … driver/Christie … after the attempted hit and run, not too many moral questions about speeding could get in the way.

"We can't stress out. It's in the Lord's hands, right?" … Brandon … you may want to take a little responsibility yourself, Brandon. God's probably doesn't appreciate having the buck passed to him all the time.

"God takes care of his idiots and I'm first on his list." … Chip … I'm sure the other teams are keeping Chip close company on that list.

"It's on. Like, it's on." … Colin … finally we get to see the hidden intense side of Colin living underneath that shy demeanor of his. The trash talking needs a bit work, though.

"I believe with all my heart that the Lord has put everything in me to win." … Nicole … on the flip side, he probably sprinkled her liberally with a lot of things that can really mess her up, too, like having challenges that involve lefts and rights.


Observations

Peter Jackson: From "the man who made Lord of the Rings" to "the man who caused the Amazing Race to come to New Zealand." Will history judge him too harshly?

I'm surprised none of the teams took the still inflated Zorb at the starting line and got a bit of a jump on the others

Advice to the Moms: Take 5 minutes out of the 12 hour break and look at the map. Find yourself on the map and assume that you will have to leave the pitstop and go elsewhere.

With their driving/map bickering, I wasn't sure if I was watching the Bowling Moms or the Bowling Teenagers

Interesting to see how a moment being at a higher altitude can cause Colin and Brandon to partake in strange screaming and dancing rituals.

With Brandon calling on God's help, and Chip asking for Jesus's help, I hope they aren't inadvertently starting some big Father - Son feud upstairs.

Note to Karen: it's okay to try and find an earlier flight but you don't have to whisper to the camera guy. He's not going to snitch on you.

How much time filler did CBS need that they felt they had to treat us to images of Chip snoring?

Could this be the first time in the race that anyone has been happy to see Colin and Christie?
Chip's big mistake was trying to hip-check a Bowling Mom.
Chip's big mistake was trying to hip-check a Bowling Mom. Nicole or Christie would have flown 20 feet, but a Bowling Mom … she'll push you right back.

The Bowling Moms are going to have a pretty busy Christmas morning this year … what with having to put together Jeeps for their whole families.

Can a lack of tourism be that bad that Victoria needs to promote itself as the capital of the duck industry in the Philippines?

In their haste to get their jeep on the road, the Moms might have wanted to consider closing the back door of the jeep as a good safety tip.

Weird looking cars and pedestrians in danger. I guess I'll get to see the Amazing Race again when it airs on Fox's "Most Amazing Car Chases."

Nothing like getting on a bus and finding the Bowling Mom that came before you left a giant mud pool on the seat. I hate it when that happens.

Like the Bowling Moms aren't getting enough attention from their cameraman, they have to grab their shoes and start honing in Chip and Kim's camera guy, too.

After watching Colin in the fields, would his doctor be wrong to pro-actively set him up with a nice valium prescription?

With Brandon and Nicole relying on God's help so much, I wouldn't be surprised if he asked for a 1/3 of the prize. It's only fair.

After Chip's bear hug, Phil was probably wishing that Mirna and Charla were still around … and that's saying something.

The Hawaiian tourism board can't be too pleased, what with being downgraded from "exotic" to merely "beautiful."

I think this pit stop will have eating and sleeping, but mingling with other teams? … probably not a good idea.