Amazing Race Rants

Amazing Race Rant - Episode 10


“We’ll think about it” … unknown laughing guy to Brandon’s begging … when not spreading the Lord’s message, Brandon’s begging brings laughter to the tired and weary travelers of the world.

“We need to learn to be okay when things are going well. If we can do that, we’ll be a lot more successful” … Christie … more successful than being in first place? Now this is an ambitious girl.

“We know we have to be playing a little smarter because everybody is going to be playing hard” … Kim … so step #1 of the “little smarter” plan is to help Colin find the travel agency. Maybe you should move up and start playing a lot smarter.
Not a proud day for a model.
“We have to get by on food, taxi cabs … his good looks” … Brandon / Nicole … mention relying on Brandon’s looks and out comes the pity money. Not a proud day for a model.

“If you travel by Singapore Airline you will arrive at 11:35 pm. We need to make reservations. We can’t do that sir. There are no seats available” … Chip and travel agent … and the point of mentioning flights we can’t get on is? Maybe we should be a little crazy and start focusing on the flights that … I don’t know … still have seats.

“We’re not used to begging for money. It’s really hard. It’s taking me out of my comfort zone” … Nicole/Brandon … and by co-incidence giving money to crazy young Americans takes most of the hotels guests out of their comfort zones, too. Luckily, security didn’t turf the butts out onto the street.

“We need to make travel arrangements … TO NEW ZEALAND” … Linda to travel agent … I know the Moms are excited, but I can’t imagine anything at 4am in a Calcutta travel agency that is really going to get these guys cheering and applauding.

“To catch up we need to support each other and leave it in the Lord’s hands” … Brandon … of course, I’m sure the Lord would appreciate you actually trying to race a little bit, too.

“Colin and Christie beat us to the punch. From this point forward, Chip and I will have to be more aggressive” … Kim … when you use Chip, aggressive, and punch all in the same thought, it sounds like Colin is in for some painful days.

“Kami and I don’t want to stand in line behind all the other teams” … Karli … one idea about line avoidance … maybe they should explore the concept of not showing up last all the time.

“No question is a stupid question” … Nicole … racing partners, however, seem to come in all shapes, sizes, and mental abilities

“I’ll backhand you, boy. You won’t be able to model in this town ever again” … Nicole …a dangerous threat. Calcutta after all is the new Milan. He’s probably the only model in town with a blond fro, so that has to be worth something.

“I lied. I said we have reservations” … Kami … No problem. The travel agent probably lied too when she said she cared.

“Ma’am. I don’t understand why this is so hard” … Kami to ticket agent … the travel agent deals with real reservations all the time. Is it that hard for her to adjust to imaginary ones?

“I hate, I totally hate airports” … Karli … Karli must have missed that memo that mentioned that the Amazing Race does occasionally make you fly places.

“Please. We will do anything to make this flight” … Kami … haunting memories of Dubai creeping in. The Kami and Karli show; hugging, rubbing, and singing their way across Asia.
With their luck and mental prowess, the twins make their own buffer, thank you. Chip would be better off throwing a hole or puzzle in their path.
“We’re hoping the twins don’t make the flight because we need the buffer and the twins are so doggone fast” … Kim … flights don’t slow the twins down. With their luck and mental prowess, the twins make their own buffer, thank you. Chip would be better off throwing a hole or puzzle in their path.

“Ah, New Zealand. I could live here” … Christie … wow, an instant love affair. That really must be one impressive airport.

“We’re not going to try and yield someone to screw them over” … Christie … we’ll see how long the nobility lasts once Colin gets yielded. That hourglass’s days will be numbered

“I apologize. I’m sorry. I should have just turned around. I stand corrected. You were right and I was wrong” … Colin … nothing funny here. Just happy the world didn’t come to an end after he said it.

“Are you feeling lucky?” … Brandon … when Brandon starts paraphrasing Clint Eastwood, he’s been racing a little too long. Go ahead. Pray my day.

“It’s probably a little of my protective father rubbing off on me but that sledging just didn’t sound safe” … Brandon … and crawling around in a bubbling mud pit is a fine example of parenting?

“All those rocks and Nikki banging her head” … Brandon … yet somehow that vision loses its meaning when you’re ankle deep in a mud pit.

“I’ve never heard of sledging, have you? No. Then how do you know you can do it? I can do it. That’s all I wanted to hear” … Linda / Karen … just wait until one of their kids comes up with that kind of reasoning. It’s straight to the mud pit for them.

“Are you sure it’s just mud?” … Brandon … maybe a little fire, a touch of brimstone. At Hell’s Gate, you get a nice mix. Surprised he didn’t see Gollum splashing around looking for his precious clue.

“This is kind of cool” … Nicole … Not exactly the kind of slogan the Hell’s Gate mud pits was looking for, but it’s better than “This sucks.”

“This waterfall is the highest you can run on a sledge in the world” … instructor … given that the worldwide appeal of sledging is made up of maybe two rivers in New Zealand, that’s not really saying much.

“That was a nice adrenalin rush. Yeah, that woke us up.” … Christie/Colin … it certainly makes that morning cup of coffee look pitiful by comparison. Starbucks vs. sledging … the battle begins.

“I didn’t yield the twins because I think the Moms are way behind us” … Chip … but that certainly won’t stop me from looking good in front of the twins and getting a hug or two.

“I’d rather go in hot mud than cold water right now” … Kami … perhaps the twins need to read the clue again and understand that this is not a day spa they’re going to

“That might have been my biggest mistake in life” … Chip on not yielding the twins … one could also argue that whatever you did to drop from second to tied with the twins ranks up there as a pretty big one, too.

“They’re screwing the helmet to my head. That can’t be good” … Linda … just a standard procedure. Probably replacing the loose screw commonly found in the heads of sledgers.

“Do you think I’m doing it right?” … Brandon on mud digging… as Nicole rethinks her whole “there are no stupid questions” philosophy.

“I don’t know if I can do it. It looked like she went feet first” … Karen … Linda probably did lose some style points on that one, but I’m not sure if there is actually a good way to go over a waterfall.

“He does all these extreme sports to get his high. This actually reminded me why I love him” … Christie … a kind sentiment. I guess nothing brings back loving memories quite like a man rolling around in a giant hamster ball.

“I would never be with anybody else in the world” … Colin … a good thing, too. After watching him on the show, the list of potential anybodies has probably shrunk considerably.

“I’m having to stop and say, Brandon, you’re not in control. The Lord has control of our lives” … Brandon … and to a lesser degree, CBS. I wonder which one decided Brandon and Nicole needed some time to root around in the mud.

“The twins may very well stick their hands in one time and find it” … Brandon … or they may very well stick their hands in and be stuck forever. Both scenarios are well within the twins’ range of achievements.

“Will it be obvious do you think?” … Kami on the mud clue … you’re crawling around in a pool of mud. Just how obvious do you think it will be?

“Why do I think we’re making this too hard? Because we make everything too hard” … Kami/Karli … and in one sentence, the twin motto is born.

“Pump up a Zorb. Man, I hate this stuff” … Brandon … what kind of secret life has Brandon been leading if he knows Zorbs well enough to hate pumping them up?

“Yeah, but I want a million dollars” … Nicole … Good thing Brandon saved her from those sledge rocks or she would never have got the chance to roll him in a giant plastic ball down a hill. Her protective mother instinct just hasn’t kicked in yet, I guess.

“Wouldn’t it be funny if we were going in the wrong direction again? Hysterical” … Kami/Karli …Funny? Yes. Unusual? No.

“It’s a roadblock. You’re going to do it right? Uh, what is it. You’re going to do it regardless” … Kim/Chip … the new clues will have to read: A roadblock is a task that only Chip will perform or else.
If they had used the Yield, they might have come in fourth place instead of fourth place.
“I opted to goof around, be the jokester. So what’s the moral of this story? Use the Yield!” … Chip/Phil … definitely. If they had used the Yield, they might have come in fourth place instead of fourth place.

“We’re so much alike that it’s hard to deal with ourselves … times 2” … Kami/Karli … I suppose it is easier for the viewers to deal with them, with all those mute, fast-forward, and channel changing options available.

“And one of these remaining teams will face the ultimate betrayal” … Phil … a one way trip to Survivor Vanuatu, perhaps.


The way the teams were reacting at the start, either New Zealand is really popular place to go or the curried Indian food was starting to kick in badly.
A bald head, with some Krishna robes thrown in, would have been perfect for their money begging routine.
Would Brandon and Nicole have been better off to have had their heads shaved last week? A bald head, with some Krishna robes thrown in, would have been perfect for their money begging routine.

When the travel agents keep saying AM, but the subtitles are showing PM, it really rattles one’s faith in TV.

Amazing Race policy … if you are ever running into ticket troubles, just hope for a commercial, and everything will be fine right after.

What exactly was the purpose of the sledge guides? Years of training and their best advice was “Hold On.” I never would have thought of that.

Was there any irony sending the Christians to look around Hell’s Gate?

Was it blasphemy for Nicole to call Hell’s Gate “cool”?

Did it begin to snow at Hell’s Gate when Colin apologized to Christie?

They’ve been to the pyramids; last week they made bricks; this week crawling through mud. Slowly but surely, Brandon and Nicole are recreating The Ten Commandments for me. Have a parting river roadblock next and I’m set.

Will Colin and Christie be doing more traveling during the race or after it?

If CBS had any sense of irony, they should have populated that mud pool with scarabs.

It’s nice to see that Nicole has a strong faith, but apparently it does not go far enough to include praying in the mud.

Just how lost did the twins get, that they are racing to the pitstop in daylight but finish their Zorb rolling in pitch black darkness?