Amazing Race Rants

Amazing Race Rant - Episode 7

My muses have been eliminated. Unless the twins pick up the slack, this is going to be a much shorter section next week.

My muses have been eliminated. Unless the twins pick up the slack, this is going to be a much shorter section next week.

"It's the more brain power than brawn. That's what it's going to take to win this race." Chip that's kind of a roundabout way of saying the twins are going to lose.

"Now that we are in 3rd place, we have a chance to be in 1st place. We just have to be in control of what we are doing." Kami or be more daring and try the "think about what we are doing" method.

"I put my confidence and my trust in the Lord, not necessarily assuming that it's in His plan for Nicky and I to win." Brandon unfortunately, they may be falling into the "trials of Job" section of God's plan.

"I absolutely loved Egypt. The people were so friendly." Nicole the Tanzanian people were friendly, too just a more in your face kind of friendly.

"I think some of them are so scared that they think we are too capable" Mirna I'm not sure if the teams really had "capable" in mind when that "too" sentence came up.

"We're having a good time and we're not going to let anyone take that away from us" Charla/Mirna sounds like a threat. Come elimination time, Phil better watch his ass. Either way with Mirna, Phil better watch his ass.

"It's delayed a half an hour. Everything is always delayed in this country." Charla they arrive late and complain the flight's delayed. Nothing like giving karma a big slap in the face.

"Mirna, it said we had to go outside to get to the taxis to take us to the terminal" Charla I guess it's not one of those new fangled airports where the taxis drive right through the building

"Where are we going? To book tickets for Kenya Nairobia." Karen/ Linda not feeling challenged enough with the race, Linda and Karen begin to invent countries to visit.

"Can you help me? I have to get to Kenya, Africa as soon as possible." Kami wouldn't want to book tickets on that Kenya, New Jersey flight by mistake.

"Ass" Christie to Mirna when you care enough to say the very best, make it an "ass."

"Bitch, move out of the way" Mirna to Christie Crowded little door. You would think the "new" airport might have built a 2nd set of doors to get in.
Rejected terrorist plan #1 block the door with your body and the airport is ours.
"She was blocking the airport doors as if she has control over the whole airport." Charla Rejected terrorist plan #1 block the door with your body and the airport is ours.

"Even though they are the scum of the earth, they think they own the earth." Mirna and they have company on both counts.

"Colin and I just decided that we didn't want to share information with Mirna and Charla." Christie good thing too. I don't think relations after that whole ass bitch thing is very conducive to sharing.

"Mirna is blatantly rude to us and she tries to pit a lot of teams against us." Colin not unlike what we're doing now to them, but that's a completely different matter.

"He leeches onto weak people and he gets rid of them one at a time." Mirna Mirna is apparently having a Survivor moment. The producers might get suspicious if teams suddenly start disappearing though.

"We've been watching the game too much and I know Colin and Christie are good but damn it, Mirna and Charla are better. I love them." Linda might be time for the Moms to do a little less watching, admiring, and loving and a little more I don't know racing.

"I told the man don't help these people because they're violent, which is true." Mirna of course closing the blinds and hiding in the corner doesn't exactly make Mirna the poster child of credibility.

"That Swiss decision was the stupidest decision any of us has ever made" Kami and if you examine the twins' track record, that is really saying something.

"Everyone else at the last possible second all got on the same flight with us. I felt genuinely terrible." Mirna she could always just make faces at them. That could cheer her up.

"We have to keep our fingers crossed that fate is on our side." Mirna maybe with a plane delay, fate is trying to tell you something.

"It's a symbol of God's promise." Nicole on the rainbow of course all God could be promising them is that they're going to be rained on, but why be pessimistic.

"Unbelievable. We're really in Africa." Chip apparently in Chip's travel guide, Egypt has broken away and formed its own little continent.

"And I said, hey man, we don't want to get all the accoutrements with the doggone thing. We just want to deliver it." Chip perhaps the only time you will ever hear the term "accoutrements" so effectively coupled with "doggone thing."

"I don't know if you are a trustworthy man." Brandon and calling the guy untrustworthy now is going to benefit you how? It's a long walk to the village.

"It's very intimidating. Thankfully we have Brandon there to step in." Kami someone to take a few punches while we slip out the back.

"I so wanted to get us out of that situation. It felt dangerous. It felt unsafe." Brandon I'm sure the driver would have helped Brandon turn many cheeks.

"Baby I can't run. Don't run" Nicole she must have used up all her strength yelling and throwing money to the ground.

"I'm really bad at eating foods." Colin makes one wonder just what Colin has been doing with food all this time. Those food fights must get old after awhile.

"Hold it up with this one and push it down with this one." Kami on holding the cart interesting technique. You wouldn't think a push cart would need instructions, but there you go.

"My heart is going to stop. Ok just let it go, I'll do it myself." Charla/Mirna does Mirna mean the cart or the heart? Both make for good TV

"Baby this is your specialty, scrambled eggs." Kim I've never heard someone claim scrambled eggs as a specialty with such pride before. To be daring, he occasionally throws in bacon and some toast, too.

"We took a back street to the back door of the house." Karen when you begin to call the narrow path through the jungle a "back street," you may have been in Africa too long.

"Eggs are much harder than the caviar, due to the fact that you can't just swallow this stuff, you have to chew it, too." Chip just what kind of specialty eggs has Chip been making? I'd like my eggs scrambled, crunchy style please.

"I should have just cooked it more. It's like raw eggs. I'm just saying I would be able to eat them so fast if they're cooked more." Colin hmmm, soft runny eggs vs. dry solid overcooked eggs. Maybe he was hoping with enough cooking, the eggs would reduce to nothing.

"Colin is acting like a baby. It's eggs for crying out loud/" Linda spoken like a true Mom. You know Colin isn't getting dessert until all those eggs are gone.

"It's good. It's an omelet." Karli scrambled eggs vs. omelet. Either the twins don't get out much or some chef has been serving them some pretty crappy omelets.

"Who's really hungry? Charla is." Mirna quick to decide, quick to volunteer others.

"It's delicious. It's all protein." Mirna yes an Ostrich egg has about 500% of the daily recommended allowance for protein. Atkins-wise, Charla is set for a good week.

"C'mon, Charla. You can do it. You're good at this." Mirna flashbacks to all those scrambled egg eating championships Charla has won through the years.
Are they going to muling cocaine or something?
"As the winners of this 7th leg of the race, you've won a vacation to Latin America." Phil the Amazing Race can get away with vagueness like a "Mystery location" but I'm hoping American Airlines can be a bit more specific than a flight to "Latin America." Are they going to muling cocaine or something?


The twins show no joy at previous destinations but do a syncro scream for Nairobi. It's not usually at the top of the old spring break list.

Mirna and Charla's first roadblock opening the clue envelope. It's pretty much a given that we won't be seeing them presenting on any awards shows. The Oscar crowd would kill them.

Is there a CBS plot to purposely delay all planes so that the Bowling Moms can make a dramatic entrance?

One advantage the Bowling Moms had they were very familiar with where the new Cairo airport was.

The curse of Mirna I must now fight the urge when traveling by cab to call the driver "habibi."

Sticking out tongues, making faces. It appears that Mirna and Charla's junior high flashbacks are becoming more powerful. I'm surprised the ticket agent didn't make them sit in the corner and do lines.

Charla knew the old saying that everything is delayed in Egypt. Probably hadn't heard that everything is delayed in Dubai as well.

The Amazing Race hasn't done much for tourism in Nairobi. Its slogan "Nairobi, a place for you to fly to other places" just isn't bringing the tourists in.
Brandon's negotiation skills were one step above selling off the women. For $100, Colin and Chip probably could have bought the bus.
And $100 bucks for a semi-private bus that runs out of gas. Brandon's negotiation skills were one step above selling off the women. For $100, Colin and Chip probably could have bought the bus.

Funny how when you combine the word "African" with the word "bees," people just get turned right off a task

In this Detour, teams must find local residents to help them push their carts and guide them to the exact address.

Travel tip: When in Tanzania, the phrase "Do you know this address" translates to "I want to buy a pillow for my chairs."

So they deliver the chairs but leave the cart at the house, too. The teams are going to lose their quarter deposit for sure.

So one little container of gas is enough for the bus to finish its run. Either the town was right around the corner or that's a pretty fuel-efficient bus.

So if Brandon had refused to pay for the gas, would the driver have just left the bus there?

Travel tip: When being threatened by a big bus driver:
  1. Pay more attention to him than the clue you are reading.
  2. Try not to throw money on the ground

I know Brandon and Nicole are close to God, but messing around with a Tanzanian who's got 6 inches on you is a very good way of meeting God quicker than you thought.

Opening a second egg might be a little more time consuming, but in the health department it probably beats eating the yolk you just scraped off the straw mat.

No mud puddle can stand in the way of a cart with Mom momentum. Poor Charla might have been swallowed up completely.

When eating about 2 dozen eggs, please tell me how swigging down a bottle of Coke is supposed to help matters? I'm all for product placement, but this was just wrong.

My Tuesday nights before the invention of the "belch and throw up" camera shot seem so empty now.

What kind of sadistic producer came up with the idea of eating 2 dozen eggs and then riding a zip line. I'm sure the animals in their favourite watering hole appreciated the gifts from above, courtesy of nauseous teams.

The Amazing Race receives top editing awards for removing all evidence of Colin and Kami tossing their cookies all over Phil's shoes.

In a bit of painful irony, the producers arranged a screening of Cool Hand Luke for the teams at the pit stop.

I missed the part of Mirna and Charla's goodbye speech where they thanked all the locals around the world that spent more time carrying their backpacks then they did.

Talk about this story.