Amazing Race Rants

Amazing Race Rant - Episode 6

I'm worried the desert heat may be having an effect on the teams' brains. It does make for good quotes, though.


I'm worried the desert heat may be having an effect on the teams' brains. It does make for good quotes, though.

"Known as the creation room, this subterranean chamber is located at the geographical center of the Earth" … Phil … Of course, for the center of the Earth, CBS could have thrown in a few lava flows or some mole people.

"350 feet into the earth, that's bad ass" … Colin … over 5000 years we have gone from an impressive part of a World wonder to "bad ass." Somewhere a pharaoh is turning in his sarcophagus.

"So you know which one is the Great Pyramid. It's one of these two" … Christie/Colin … making good use of that 12 hours off I see. He's narrowed it down from 3 to 2.

"What makes you so confident of one over the other? Because I know. Cut me a little slack" … Christie/Colin … but isn't accepting an answer of "because I know" allowing just a little too much slack?

"Baby, c'mon. Baby, yeah, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon. Baby, c'mon" … Colin … shut up Colin. You had her at "baby c'mon."
Slowly but surely each team awoke to the idea that keeping sharp objects away from Mirna might be a good idea.
"Slowly but surely, each team awoke to the idea that we are a strong, competitive team and started going ballistic because they became so jealous" … Mirna … and slowly but surely each team awoke to the idea that keeping sharp objects away from Mirna might be a good idea.

"It was so low down underground that I was a little bit worried" … Mirna … the passageway has stood up for 5000 years but to be honest, the builders couldn't anticipate making it whine proof.

"Brandon is cute. I realize that and I appreciate that" … Mirna … the Amazing Love triangle. On the next episode, Brandon and Phil battle it out to see who gets to ignore Mirna.

"The nerves are irritated underneath my kneecaps" … Marshall … I am really just comfortable putting that into the "too much info" file. My knees still hurt would have been fine.

"Cause if you go down, you have to go back up. The question is can you get back up" … Lance … the bigger question is will Egyptian tourism suffer if he can't get back up. Explaining how the pharaohs were always buried with their pizza chefs might be a tough sell.

"I feel like I'm back in junior high having bullies try to put me down. They disgust me" … Mirna … of course, trying to put your stuff in the bully's locker and then ignoring him might have fanned the bully flames a little bit in school.

"Most of the time we read the clue and we don't know if we're reading it clearly and I think that's why we are doing so poorly." … Kami … admittedly those "fly to Cairo" and "go to the pyramid" clues are filled with double meanings.

"I don't know what to do. Just go. Descend?" … Kami/Karli … without puzzles pieces to throw away, the twins are helpless when faced with a hole.

"Being in Egypt and the country is so poor, we decided we were going to try and hit the tourists up" … Karen … isn't that always the way. You go to an international tourist site and immediately you get swarmed by Bowling Moms begging for money.

"Oh my God. This is hard" … Karen on begging … yes, as professions go, begging doesn't have a lot in the way of an easy life with benefits

"I think Colin is jealous of me and he has a Napoleon complex" … Mirna … I'm glad Mirna's Psych 101 class is coming in handy at last but she probably missed the day when they covered paranoia and jealousy complexes.

"This crazy person is trying to assault me" … Mirna … nice to see the old adage of why call it a bump when you can call it assault is still alive in the land of lawyers. Calling him crazy just got him off the hook, though.

"His girlfriend is submissive and he's able to dominate her" … Mirna … and he is forcing her to be jealous of me, too.

"Colin? I'm looking. Are you looking? I'm totally looking around" … Christie/Colin … totally looking … that's a relief. I thought he might only be kinda looking or sort of looking.

"I'm the one who gets stuff done when tasks need to be completed. Christie leaves that up to me and I kinda take care of her" … Colin … I just find it easier to take care of her while she walks and I ride the donkey, that's all. The famous sermon from the ass.

"Baby. I want to have kids" … Brandon … I can't decide whether that comment means Brandon is hating the ride or really enjoying it

"I probably could have helped him carry some of those goats in but they were so smelly and funky" … Kim … so in that vein, I'm sure she's proud of Chip but after carrying the goats, he's sleeping downwind tonight.

"Mirna. The babies. It's easier. Take the babies" … Charla … steal the children? What happened to CBS being the family network?

"Mirna. I'm scared of them" … Charla … one good stampede and they'll be picking Charla up downstream.

"Wait a minute. This one is the bad one" … Charla … you find one in every herd. Remember the old saying, though, "there are no bad sheep, just bad shepherds."

"The cousins are … achoo … behind us and I think I'm allergic to poop" … Kami … Unfortunately, I'm not sure you can get anti-poop allergy medicine without a prescription.

"Charla. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Mirna, I don't know what to do" … Mirna/Charla … just an idea. You could just to sail away and leave Mirna to the sheep … those damn vicious sheep.

"This task requires keen eyes and a lot of patience" … Christie … and throw in basic vocabulary skills, or possibly a dictionary.
I guess the Egyptians must have been either very strong or their enemies were short and slow.
"A scarab? What's a scarab? Is that a sword?" … Colin … a stone sword? A little less practical than those new fangled metal swords. I guess the Egyptians must have been either very strong or their enemies were short and slow.

"Is this it? That's a rock." … Colin/Christie … he may be a good digger but he's not quite ready for the Antiques Road Show.

"Is that a piece of poop dried? Eeew" … Kami … Is it more disgusting to pick up the dried poop or to whip it at the poor camera guy?

"Do you have good eyes? Do you have your glasses?" … Charla … one question kinda answers the other, doesn't it?

"Please Lord. Keep praying for me, Nikki" … Brandon … always a good plan, though I don't believe relations between God and the ancient Egyptians are all that tight.

"And when you get it, don't let anybody see it" … Chip … 12 hours of rest and we're out of the helping people business. He must have gotten a talking to off camera.

"It's a …it's a … it's a … rock or something" … Charla describing a scarab … Excellent. Now they can narrow the search to try and find a rock OR something.

"As the winner of the 6th leg of the race, you've won a vacation to exotic Mexico" … Phil … when you are standing on the banks of the Nile, I'm impressed that Phil can say "exotic" Mexico with a straight face.

"This is certainly the first time I have ever had to come out to a team on the course" … Phil … and you know if Phil has to come out on the course, he's bringing a can of whoop ass with him.


Was Colin's knowledge of which pyramid is the Great Pyramid based on his last trip to Vegas or on which one Tony the Tiger would pick?

Another country, another accent from Mirna. They say that if you don't use your English with an Egyptian accent on a regular basis, you could lose it.

Just so I understand … Mirna doesn't know the Arabic words for "airport" or "taxi", but is fluent with "faster", "honey", "thanks", and "maniacs." Either she took a very strange Berlitz course or she learned her words from watching an Egyptian porn channel.

The Moms ended up affording three cab rides, one with extra stops. Just how much money did they get from begging? I could work for a day and barely afford that.

Important travel note: "Old old yes" in Arabic means "I'm taking you to the new airport."

If your driver has trouble with English and took you to the wrong spot, why get back in the same cab with him?

On Egyptian highways, the shoulder is an acceptable lane for oncoming traffic to use.

I'm trying to figure out if Colin is jealous of Mirna because
  1. She'd tried to take his cab
  2. She had a good spot behind him in the ticket line

Note to CBS: next season, order bigger donkeys. I felt sorry for the little guy Colin was riding … Colin's feet almost touched the ground. At least Brandon's donkey had the guts to complain that this doesn't make sense.

Given the religious symbolism, I'm surprised that Brandon didn't lead the donkey and have Nicole ride. Joseph and Mary moments don't come by all that often.

That was one excited water farmer. Luckily there were only two teams or that guy would have to switch to decaf.

Important herding tip: Yelling "Stay" to an Egyptian goat might not be effective.

Note to CBS: the concept of "in your face TV" does not necessarily need to include close-up images of Chip and the underside of a goat.

Congrats to CBS for making Charla's bad sheep downright menacing. Cue the thunder, lightning, and scary music, and that sheep could be capable of anything.

When even goats aren't willing to sail with you and try to run away, that is really a blow to the old self-esteem.

I noticed that some of sheep and goats were bumping into Mirna. I can't decide if they were crazy, trying to assault her, or just plain jealous.

Note to CBS: next season, to make the dig challenge go better, please consider either
  1. Having the teams find rings or necklaces instead
  2. Change the term "scarab" to be "scary beetle rock thing"
  3. Get smarter teams or
  4. Get teams that have seen obscure films like the Mummy, the Mummy Returns, or Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Just how deep a hole was Karen going to dig before she decided to dig elsewhere? She was looking for a scarab, not China.

Is it a twin thing that allows them to not really know what they're looking for yet still know exactly where to dig for it?

Nice to see that even in foreign countries, you can always entertain the crowd by tripping and falling flat on your face. Kami and Karli are inadvertently becoming the new Clowns.

Would you really want to spend 12 hours relaxing in a place called Crocodile Island? Banana Island sounds more pleasant … and it has goats and sheep.

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