Amazing Race Rants

Amazing Race Rant Episode 5

It's nice to see when Charla and Mirna get tired of talking, I can count on the twins and the committed Christians to pick up the slack.

It's nice to see when Charla and Mirna get tired of talking, I can count on the twins and the committed Christians to pick up the slack.

"One question at a time for the people." Charla is it the people not understanding you or once you go "Woo Woo" to their face, they simply don't want to understand you anymore.

"He had some good gold teeth though" Mirna Mirna adopting the well known correlation between bad flossing habits and knowledge of the streets of St. Petersburg.

"Nicky helps me believe in myself" Brandon and don't worry. She will quickly make sure that when those beliefs are wrong, they will be promptly stomped out.

"St. Petersburg. It sure looks like the pictures we've seen" Chip Pretty impressive they've seen pictures of St. Petersburg. Makes you wonder what kind of travel brochures are making their coffee table.

"We can't find a taxi. We can't find the train. Our hair formed icicles as we were walking" Mirna so you might come in last AND look bad for Phil. This is a nightmare.

"Choo Choo, Hermitage" Mirna I'm willing to bet that once you are in the train station trying to buy tickets, you really don't need the Choo Choo anymore

"The Russians might be the most miserable people on the planet. They're angry looking" Marshall miraculously, they cheered up as soon as Marshall and Lance left.

"You're sweet. You're sweeter" Brandon/Nicole time for one of those angry Russians to step up and just slap these two.

"Kim and I are staunch Christians. Because we knew the parable of the prodigal son, we were able to visualize a father welcoming his wayward son" Chip pity the poor non-Christians who have to use a dictionary to look up the meanings of such words as "return", "prodigal" and "son".
Calling Jesus the prodigal son. Colin has just decided he wants to take the express route to hell.
"Isn't the prodigal son Jesus? The return of Jesus." Colin calling Jesus the prodigal son. Colin has just decided he wants to take the express route to hell.

"Here's a Rembrandt. Is this it? No? But that is a Rembrandt" Colin one of the master's lesser known works "Return of the man with the frilly collar."

"Do you know where Rembrandt is?" Brandon just waiting for a smart ass curator to let Brandon know that, at last check, he was still buried in the ground in Amsterdam.

"Charla do a dance for us. Entertain us while we wait" Mirna nice to see those dwarf stereotypes are still dropping by the wayside.

"We may not like Mirna and Charla but the one thing we do know about them is that they're not stupid" Marshall if they could only see what we've seen.

"Everything is green. My lucky colours" Mirna so Mirna's lucky colours are green and a different shade of green. Why can't Marshall and Lance be hearing this?

"In my eyes, everybody on our plane is tied for last place" Nicole or everybody on the plane is tied for 3rd place. Where has the optimistic faith gone?

"Charla, where are the yellow rocks? I don't know. Why did we go down here?" Charla / Mirna yellow rocks vs. paved road. An easy mistake to make.

"Make your way to Giza Plaza" Chip just down the road from the plateau, the Giza Plaza, serving Pharaohs' shopping needs for over 4000 years.

"Take your time, honey. Charla, I'm here" Mirna to Charla in the hole I'm not sure if another reminder that Mirna is safe up top while Charla crawls into the hole is really going to comfort her that much

"Do you know where you're going? No but we're going to keep running till we find something" Karli and the Sahara desert is the perfect place to start running around blindly. Poor camera guys.

"This is so cool. That's a pyramid" Nicole / Brandon once again, Brandon is proving to be a value source of information on this race. He'll be counting the pyramids for his next trick.

"I was a little scared to do the roadblock because of the crevices." Brandon it's not the heat, it's the humidity or in Brandon's case, it's not the caves, it's the crevices.

"I kinda felt like Indiana Jones" Brandon yet Raiders probably wouldn't have been a hit if Indy used re-enforced ladders in well lit caverns and pulled a puzzle sack out of a pond.

"As I was running to the horses, the only thing I could think about is it's a big horse and I've never ridden a horse before" Charla probably another good thought to ponder would be if your Blue Cross coverage covers this.

"Charla, you look just like a true jockey" Mirna so many dwarf stereotypes to smash, so little time.

"I just hope they don't spit on us, Charla" Mirna are they talking about the camels or the other teams. Could you really blame either?
I'd really like to blame that comment on the desert heat, but it is the twins. I'm impressed they found the pyramids at all.
"Karli. What does a satchel look like?" Kami I'd really like to blame that comment on the desert heat, but it is the twins. I'm impressed they found the pyramids at all.

"We stink as usual" Mirna probably not what Phil wants to hear after giving out a hug.

"How amazing is this, huh? Riding a horse. I had a great time" Phil/Charla I think Phil might have been referring to the Pyramids or the Sphinx, but sure, I guess the horse ride was amazing too.

"This is where we need to go next. How do you know? I don't know. It's a guess" Kami/Karli when in doubt, always fall back to the "running aimlessly in the desert" plan.

"Karli and I do not have a plan. We have no idea where we are going. We're clueless" Kami as team mottos go, it's not all that inspirational. Pretty good epitaph though.

"We have no money. We're in Egypt where everybody's poor" Karen using that logic, you would think it would be pretty easy to get around Egypt without money since nobody really has any.


After eating 2 pounds of caviar, I'm wondering just how much eating the teams did during the mandatory rest stop.

Hats off to the Hermitage for putting "nearly 3 million works" on exhibit. That building must either be huge, or they're counting the windows, carpeting, and light fixtures as art.

So in the teams' opinion, Russian cab drivers should know "International airport" just fine, but if you want to go to the train station, you must go "Choo Choo."

Is wandering the streets of St. Petersburg going Choo Choo the fastest way to get to the station or the surest way of getting arrested?

It is more impressive that Mirna and Charla found someone on the train that knew where the painting was or that she knew despite Mirna mispronouncing "prodigal."

The Marshall and Lance philosophy foreign countries would be a lot more fun if they weren't filled with foreigners.

Racing tip #1: When trying to find a painting of the prodigal son, try choosing one with people in it.

Racing tip #2: Any chance of having the cleaning staff help you find a painting can quickly be lost once you start jabbering and pointing in every direction.

If Jesus is the prodigal son, just what sort of standards does God have?

I'm sure the "return of the prodigal son" has been reviewed by art critics for years, but Brandon was the first one to give it a "Woo hoo" rating. Homer Simpson comes to the Hermitage.

Lucky for the twins they found their long lost giant triplet to guide them through the Hermitage and to the travel agent.

Beware of dwarves that sneak away into the night.

Didn't the boat guy think things might be a little suspicious after watching Colin and Christie go back and forth to the island and then return carrying a sarcophagus?

Racing Tip #3: If you're going to argue, it might be better to save it till after you drop the sarcophagus and leave the temple.

You know if this was FOX, they would have damn well had some guy in a mummy costume ready to jump out of the sarcophagus. A fast forward with a scary twist.

That Egyptian priest looked about as a happy to see Colin and Christie as the biblical plagues.

Good travel tip Russian cab drivers are okay, but Egyptian cab drivers rock.

Poor Marshall. Who would have figured that a "round the world" race would have involved this much walking.
Kami and Karli in the desert. Moses had better navigational skills than they do.
Kami and Karli in the desert. Moses had better navigational skills than they do.

Who's up for going down Osiris's shaft? Is CBS now recruiting some of its clue writers from FOX?

Is it the pinnacle moment in every Egyptologist's career to be chosen to hand out maps on the Amazing Race?

It would have be interesting to see if Mirna hadn't spotted the clue box, just how high up the Great Pyramid she would have climbed with an angry mob of Egyptologists waiting for her to come down.

How much business can that carpet merchant being doing if his store is in the middle of the sand dunes? It's all location, location, location

If Marshall and Lance were Egyptian, would the pyramids ever have been built?

Is the money taking twist real, or was Phil just really hard up for some cash. He did everything shy of pulling out a gun on Linda and Karen.

Note to all teams Egyptian cab drivers welcome both Egyptian pounds and American dollars. Not as important now to Linda and Karen I guess.

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