Amazing Race Rants

Amazing Race Rant – Episode 4

Brandon and Nicole gave Charla and Mirna a run for their money in the quotes department, but they are still no match for the masters.
Quotes

Brandon and Nicole gave Charla and Mirna a run for their money in the quotes department, but they are still no match for the masters.

“In the last leg of the race, Mirna and I had to defend ourselves because Marshall and Lance were attacking us” … Charla … was it attacking us or just telling us to shut up … she has the lawyer gift of drama.

“Being a lawyer, I had to deal with despicable human beings on a constant basis” … Mirna … thank God none of it has rubbed off on her yet.

“Even though we are Christians and want to share the love of the Lord with other people, when it comes to winning, I want to be as ruthless as I can possibly be” … Nicole … interesting religious path … they’ll be plenty of time to share His love once I’ve won a million dollars.

“Mirna might possibly be the rudest person I have ever met in my life” … Colin … and coming from a cell phone salesman, that is really saying something.

“Running this race with a twin sister can be an obstacle because we both have the same strengths” … Kami … she has a good point, though admittedly aside from being good swimmers, I haven’t actually seen what those strengths are yet.

“In our normal work day lives, we fight and scream but here we’ve pretty much agreed on everything” … Marshall … on the next Jerry Springer … two brothers united by their hatred of Mirna.

“We have God and we have ourselves. We don’t need a favour from you” … Mirna … and I’m sure God is tickled pink to be on this team.

“I am so happy not to see that criminal’s face for awhile. I can’t stand criminals” … Mirna … for sure, criminally Colin is much worse than say … someone who tries to defraud an airline with a fake “I need a doctoro” line.
“We are stuck on a bus with no cell phone and no internet service” … Kami … these lousy Argentinean buses. You mean all they do is go places!
“We are stuck on a bus with no cell phone and no internet service” … Kami … these lousy Argentinean buses. You mean all they do is go places!

“We’re kind of 2nd guessing our plans for Russia. We wanted to not get caught up in groups” … Brandon … I guess the first way to avoid that would have been to stop Colin from buying your ticket for the better bus or to not go to the travel agent with them, but que sera sera.

“I’m not mad at them, but they’re scum bags” … Marshall on Brandon/Nicole … nice to see Marshall has reached a point where his feelings are more of a general happy dislike.

“We need to go to Russia right now” … Charla … I always found that “right now” technique to work really well with ticket agents. I mean, do the rest of the ticketed passengers on the plane need to fly right now … probably not.

“I don’t feel comfortable with drinking vodka” … Brandon … well I can pretty much guarantee that comfort is not what you’ll be feeling having hockey pucks fly at your head. Might want to re-check the faith’s rules vs. guidelines section.

“I want to live a life that’s an example to others” … Brandon … so remember kids, always work together with people, at least until you can sneak away.

“If this hurts, you are in a lot of trouble” … Nicole to Brandon … hopefully Brandon will learn that once you hear that line, you’ve got trouble coming either way.

“Bring it! Bring it” … Brandon … the “encouraging the hockey players to shoot harder” strategy. I’m thinking Brandon might have had a little vodka off camera.

“I don’t know if I can make it go down my throat” … Colin on caviar … I suppose Colin could draw upon that ancient mystical technique known as “swallowing.”
‘It’s right there. It’s a horse’ … Marshall … imagine the surprise. The Bronze Horseman statue wasn’t just a clever name after all.
‘It’s right there. It’s a horse’ … Marshall … imagine the surprise. The Bronze Horseman statue wasn’t just a clever name after all.

‘You’ve got a taste for the good life baby. You’re Miss Texas’ … Brandon … of course if the good life involves being on reality TV, it might not be all that it’s cracked up to be.

“It’s like swallowing a giant loogie” … Nicole … she’s obviously had some cool life experiences. Somehow I don’t think that is the pageant answer that won her Miss Texas.

“If you have the motivation to do it, you’re going to get it done” … Colin … well Colin certainly had the motivation … the motivation to have Christie do the challenge.

“She’s the strongest of the women here” … Mirna on Charla … and she’s coupled with one of the most annoying … they make quite a pair.

“Concentrate on what you are doing. Put the thing in your mouth. Shove it!” … Mirna … oddly enough, “Shove it” was exactly what Charla was thinking.

“Are you going to hug me?” … Phil to Mirna … vying for the dumb question award. I guess Phil’s been hitting the vodka or Chip hug really messed up his head.


Observations

I wonder how many of Mirna’s clients are actually enjoying watching her on the show … from the comfort of their cells.

How many pairs of matching shirts do the Bowling Moms own? Hell, even the twins aren’t dressing alike all the time.

Racing tip #1: If you are going to be at pitstop for 12 hours, take 5 minutes and ask somebody how to get back to town … unless you enjoy early morning drives through the Patagonian forests.

It’s takes 2 hours, sitting at a deserted bus station before someone comes up with the idea that there just might be a different bus from a different company. They must have good magazines to read.
On next week’s show, Brandon and Nicole face a spiritual crisis at the airport when confronted by a group of Krishnas.
With the choral music and the gaggle of nuns, CBS is showing that committed Christians have a religious experience every time they go to an airport.

On next week’s show, Brandon and Nicole face a spiritual crisis at the airport when confronted by a group of Krishnas.

Not that I’m complaining, but those were pretty wide seats and good meals for economy class on Lufthansa. Where are the sandwiches, water, and Kama Sutra seats that we have come to expect?

Does CBS need to put a warning up before they do a cut scene to Phil’s coat? That thing nearly blinded me the first time.

You have to wonder what the Cossacks were thinking when they dreamed up that sword, vodka shot tradition. I really can’t see that becoming too popular in bars.

If the racers come back to North America, instead of the vodka sword detour, will they have to play Caps instead?

I’m surprised that Colin didn’t just keep the sword afterwards. An intense guy with a sword … who’s going to stand in his way?

Nice to see if you don’t make it into the National Hockey League, you can still find work on reality television.

How starved are these fans for entertainment that they are willing to watch two Americans get pelted in a hockey goal? The line at the movies was too long?

It was comforting that Mirna, in talking with the hockey players, has brought back her effective use of speaking English with a foreign accent. She’s got more range than Meryl Streep.

When did the Amazing Race turn into a segment from Fear Factor?

On NBC, they’ve got people eating bugs for $50,000, and these gals are struggling with caviar for 1 million. Something is wrong here.

It was only for a split second but I swear I saw Mikey from the Life cereal commercials sitting down to a big bowl of caviar.

Add a little milk to the caviar and you’ve got the most expensive breakfast cereal on the market … Fishios.

Note to CBS: I have now seen enough close-ups of people eating caviar to make my life complete. You don’t ever have to show that again.

Note to Nicole: It is more traditional to sleep after finishing a big meal, not during it.

It was nice that CBS brought out Rasputin’s grandson to work the finishing mat with Phil.



Talk about this story.