Commentary

TAR Virginís View - Episode Three

That's it. I cannot watch this show anymore. Last night's episode was just way too upsetting for this TAR Virgin.

First of all, I need to know what kind of sadist plans these activities? What monster would force a human to bite into hundreds of chocolates and then make them fly? I'm amazed we didn't see some technicolor vomit spinning off the top of that mountain.
Second, I expected this show to be fun and adventurous, not terrifying.
Second, I expected this show to be fun and adventurous, not terrifying. Forget all that outdoorsy stuff ... it will take me weeks of prolonged therapy just to get over that horrifying spectacle at the airport. Listen ... you can't frighten me with parasailing, because I would never do that. But I travel for my job and I have to deal with airports all the time. Jim and Marsha lived my worst nightmare - whoa! That whole scheduling/standby fiasco gives me the shakes when it happens FOR REAL - so watching these two lovely people getting utterly screwed by the Argentina aviation system (which is ALMOST as defective as what we have in the U.S.) was too much for my poor nerves to handle.

(Side note: This had to be a set-up. There is NO way planes could be sold out of flights to a place nobody has ever heard of! Patagonia? Whoever heard of that? Phil made this up, didn't he?)

But at least God TRIED to intervene. He did give the Bison Brothers a tire blowout, and almost made one of them keel over from chocolate poisoning (was it Lance? Marshall? Doesn't matter, they're both interchangeable). Yet what kind of loving and benevolent God could let Jim and Marshall lose? That was a travesty! I almost threw my drink glass at the TV.

Finally ... last night I had my first TAR-related nightmare. I dreamed I was a racer in some remote South American country where everybody spoke hideous Spanglish like Mirna. I opened the envelope, and it was a detour. I had a choice between eating 20 pieces of pie or an entire cow (would you like that steak RARE, Senorita?). At the end, Willy Wonka (aka: Gene Wilder) was chasing me around the candy factory with a dagger while Oompa Loompas pelted me with chocolates.

So that's it. I'm not watching this show anymore ... well, at least until the two Lumbering Losers get booted. Then I'll stop.

Maybe.