Fashion Reports

Fashion Report - Episode Two

Daria: Wow. I now believe the rumors that TAR5 was going to be one of the best. I love this show! Sadly, I think we donít have the best cast from a fashion standpoint. Iím seeing more lows than highs.

Swimmerboy: Definitely better than last season. I don't know about the fashion savvy of this cast, though. I think we need to wait until they get to some cooler climates to fully establish who'll be making Mr. Blackwell's lists.
I had headgear issues this week.
Daria: I had headgear issues this week. Colin covered up his head with a bandanna Ė not an improvement from last weekís overlong bangs. Jim put on a do-rag, presumably to protect the scalp beneath thinning hair, once they got out in the sun. I think thatís sad, because I like older men in baseball caps Ė thereís a jauntiness with that look, and do-rags donít do it for me. And Kim, beautiful Kim, with that extremely fussy scarf Ė why? Itís not practical, and it didnít work.

Swimmerboy: Oh, I didn't think it was that bad. At least it matched her shirt. But I do agree that it wasn't particularly practical, and between this and the overuse of bandanas on Big Brother 5 this season, I don't care if I never see another headwrap again. Is this some fad that I don't know about? If so, whoever started it should be dragged out into the street and shot.

Daria: I have questions. Do Marshall & Lance have anything thatís not black? Do Kami & Karli shop here? Are Linda & Karen going to wear shirts I hate every damned episode even though I love them and theyíre my favorite team? Are Colin & Christie ever going to be on screen long enough for me to notice anything other than his bandanna?
Lance and Marshall? Well, we all know black is slimming...they actually might not be wearing enough black.
Swimmerboy: I admit to a big ol' crush on Colin, so I'm all for them getting more screentime to give us more to look at. Lance and Marshall? Well, we all know black is slimming...they actually might not be wearing enough black. Or maybe they should add some vertical stripes to the ensemble. Ok, I'll stop being bad. But I do hope we see them in something different soon. Their backpacks couldn't possibly be filled with nothing but their restaurant shirts and caps could they? They aren't really in this just for the promotion of Cafe Nostril, right? Right??? And I have to wonder if Karen and Linda weren't asked to wear their bowling shirts on the trip to play up their whole theme. I mean, I love the ladies...but we get it. You bowl. Give the shirts a rest already.

Daria: Hereís something interesting that I picked up from our dear friend, Mama Tiger. Her daughter is a dwarf, so I e-mailed her to ask about how dwarfs get their clothes. I assumed thereíd be a website or some central clearinghouse, but she said ďthere are tailors who do alterations . . . it can be fiercely expensive. . . . Thereís also the wonderful Lands End that does alterations for free no matter how major Ė although they did call one woman to verify she really does only have a 14Ē inseam! So Charla probably has to buy clothing and then have it all altered.Ē I think Charla has her look established. It might not be the look Iíd choose, but Iím not the one paying for the alterations.

Swimmerboy: That's interesting, and I'm a bit surprised that there aren't any specialty shops or online stores that cater to this need. I haven't seen Charla dressed in anything wildly inappropriate; she seems to have pretty good fashion sense so far.

Daria: Phil is looking much handsomer this season, donít you think? The Western look really suits him.

Swimmerboy: Yes...I find myself wanting to play Cowboys and Indians with Phil while watching this episode. I'll leave it at that because I don't want to give TMI.
So perhaps we need something like The Tarflies School for Remedial Racing. And I think there should be school uniforms.
Daria: Iíd like to bring up a concept you and I discussed briefly and that we might expand on in subsequent reports. Some of the racers donít seem to get that itís a race. So perhaps we need something like The Tarflies School for Remedial Racing. And I think there should be school uniforms. Unfortunately, the TAR colors are rather garish for apparel, so Iím not quite sure what to do about that. Iím also thinking that we donít want to wash out anyoneís coloring. Like, for example, the twins. Canít imagine why I thought of them in relation to the School, but there you have it. Youíre a design person Ė do you have any thoughts on this?

Swimmerboy: Well, if Kami and Karli had their way, the uniforms would be akin to what Blake wore in Season 2, leg 3. Blazer, shirt and tie and preppy shorts. I'm sure they'd be gung-ho for some knee-highs, too. But since we're not playing nicey-nice here, the Tarflies School uniforms should be a bit more suited to task. Or maybe there should just be weekly outfit-tests based on a given location and demerits will be given for wearing the wrong thing. I envision a stern-faced Phil--eyebrow raised to the fullest--inspecting the racers in a line and slapping a yardstick in his hand.
I envision a stern-faced Phil--eyebrow raised to the fullest--inspecting the racers in a line and slapping a yardstick in his hand.
Daria: I like that idea, Swimmerboy, kinky though it is for this column. And now itís time for the Pretty People award. This week, Iím giving it to Bob & Joyce. I thought they looked so cool and crisp, like theyíd just stepped out of a gig as the ďolder modelsĒ in a J. Crew catalogue. They have mastered the concept of casually perfect Ė just take a look at them getting into the car as they leave the pit stop to head to the foam club. I immediately envisioned them at a beach house on the Jersey shore, on the deck with a bottle of Pinot Grigio, watching the ocean in the evening twilight. They really did look like they could go from the race into almost any other situation, which was kind of nifty. Iím also going to give Nicole some credit for being prettier with her make-up off, and Brandon for his stompers (arm muscles, for you newbies). Finally, please donít hate me, but I thought Alison and Donny looked good. They sort of matched without overdoing it, and they were both cute from a purely visual standpoint. Too bad they talked.

Swimmerboy: Hmmm...my eyes go blind every time I see Alison, so I don't know about her, but yeah, Donny did look good this leg. It is a shame he's as bad as her, because Donny really is an extremely attractive young man. As for my award this week...I think I'm going to give it to Nicole and Brandon. They raced well, they got along well, and they looked good doing it. Bob and Joyce do get second place points, though. See you folks next week!



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