Fashion Reports

Fashion Report - Episode One

I can already tell this is gonna shape up to be a great season to snark on fashion.
Swimmerboy: Wow, what a way to start! We have several things to comment on for this first leg of the race. I can already tell this is gonna shape up to be a great season to snark on fashion. Let’s get down to it, shall we, Daria?

Daria: I’m ready! We’ve got hair, we’ve got shirts, we’ve got blood as an accessory – I knew this was going to be a great season, but these teams are exceeding my expectations.

Swimmerboy: I’d first like to address an issue I raised in last year’s pre-race report – which Chip, Kim, and Marsha obviously didn’t read. Pants rule #1? NO BLUE JEANS! Wow, when I saw them walking up the beach to the starting line, I had to make sure my eyes weren’t deceiving me. Were these guys really wearing big heavy blue jeans on a race around the world? Luckily, they ditched them once the first part of the leg was over, and for their sake, I hope that’s the last appearance the blue jeans make. Seriously, guys, not practical! Can you imagine them doing the zip line stunt into the pool wearing those? What do you make of this, Daria?
These folks should have left the denim at home and visited REI. On the other hand, jeans don’t show blood very well.
Daria: Aww, I loved Chip and Kim, and I liked Marsha. So I hate to criticize (although I like the Bowling Moms, too, and I plan to snark on them), but you’re right. Denim is practical for day-to-day wear, because it goes with everything. But jeans are not really warm enough for cold weather tasks, and they’re way too hot for warm weather tasks. These folks should have left the denim at home and visited REI. On the other hand, jeans don’t show blood very well. Mirna and Chip both had beef blood on their white shirts afterward, which brings up another banned item: white shirts. Not practical; not practical at all.

Swimmerboy: Now I know in the past, we’ve had issues with the matching outfits, and it seems that this year’s racers are outdoing themselves. At the start of the race, we have five – count ‘em, FIVE teams in matching outfits. But I have to say, Dennis and Erika were pretty cute in their matching fleece jackets in dark blue/light blue with black trim. At least there was some subtle difference there.

Daria: Dennis and Erika looked great! It’s too bad we’re losing them. I thought the Bowling Moms’ shirts were over the top – wretched excess, anyone? On the other hand, I’m buying either a pink or turquoise bowling shirt for TARCon, since they’re my team in the racer reports. It should look good over those black linen capris I bought recently. But my best friend won’t be there with me, wearing the same damned shirt, either.
Oh, Dennis…why’d you have to give up your taxi?
Swimmerboy: Well, I’m so glad that we were able to get right to a warm location in contrast to the snow-covered mountains of Italy in last year’s premiere. Gave us a chance to check out what these guys were hiding underneath before anybody was eliminated. Oh, Dennis…why’d you have to give up your taxi? I was quite enjoying watching your legs…er, I mean watching you run around Uruguay in a blue sleeveless t-shirt and black shorts. In fact, the sleeveless tee and shorts combo seemed to be the order of the day for the young male racers. Capris and khaki’s worked well for the ladies. So far, Daria, I’m not seeing any glaringly bad fashion choices among the crowd. Mirna’s powdery blue pants were a bit suspect, though. What were those?

Daria: I think Charla and Mirna will dress to reflect their sense of drama, which is ample. So I forgive the blue pants on that basis. Unless she wears them every week, that is. But Brandon’s red t-shirt was way too shiny. Look, I know micro-fibers are the thing to wear, but try something less garish that doesn’t create the impression that you might have escaped from a polyester factory.

Swimmerboy: Comments on hair? I didn’t think anybody’s was just horrible. I thought the girls were all very practical with the way they wore it and deciding when to put it up or down. The guys weren’t bad, either. I think I can even forgive Brandon’s messy curls just because he has nice legs. (What? I’m a leg man). Colin, whom I do like, has a pretty funky cut going there, though. Good thing he kept it covered under that cap most of the time.
I think TAR3’s Zach should send Brandon some headbands ASAP!
Daria: I think TAR3’s Zach should send Brandon some headbands ASAP! He needs them more than Zach ever did. And Colin’s bangs were scary – it was as if he was growing them in case he needed an emergency comb-over. Cut the bangs, Colin. I thought Chip and Kim were adorable. I wonder if he’s bald or if he shaves his head. If it’s the latter, he’ll have a grooming problem later on. And Kim looked like she had extensions, but maybe not. She’s quite beautiful. I liked Jim’s mustache and gray hair, probably because my dad had that same look at the same age. And Bob and Joyce struck me as well-groomed, too.

Swimmerboy: What do we think of Phil this go-round? Personally, I think the man is getting more handsome each season. I thought he looked fantastic at the start of the race in a white turtleneck under black jacket. Very handsome indeed.

Daria: As long as the red sweater lady from TAR4 doesn’t dress him like that again, he’s in good shape. And I agree, he was pretty hot this time. Let’s hope the rest of the season keeps the fashion theme.
So it’s time for the “Pretty People Award”! I’m going to give mine to Chip and Kim.
Swimmerboy: So it’s time for the “Pretty People Award”! I’m going to give mine to Chip and Kim. First, I think Kim is by far the prettiest female racer. Seriously, she’s absolutely gorgeous. Combined with their overall great attitude and ability to laugh at themselves, they walk away with the honor this week. Colin and Christie were a close second, though. And even though they were eliminated, I do want to mention Dennis and Erika here. They were very gracious losers, and I’m kinda sad to see them (and Dennis’ stompers) go so soon. Erika has a beautiful smile and Dennis really does seem to be a really nice guy. Good luck in the future, you guys!

Daria: I’m in complete agreement about Chip and Kim, so it’s unanimous – they get TAR5’s first Pretty People Award. He’s as gorgeous as she is, and they both have such great smiles. I’m going to have to disagree about Colin and Christie. Maybe in another episode they’ll win me over, but I thought his bangs were unfortunate at best. I’ll give my second place to Dennis and Erika, because they’re well-dressed and beautiful (especially his stompers). And I’m declaring third place to Jim and Marsha. He’s a dashing older man who doesn’t let a little flesh wound – or bloody, torn khakis – stand in his way, and she’s got a pretty face, good hair, and strong carriage. If her parents were always yelling at her to stand up straight, it paid off, because she holds herself very well. I can’t wait for the next episode, when we could have a whole new set of Pretty People winners.