Roundtable

Andrew’s Amazing Intro to TAR5

I am soooo psyched about the new season. I, of course, have checked out the CBS website and read up on all the teams. So here is my quick first impression: I think Phil K. and Mickey Mouse had sex and produced a child named The Amazing Race 5! Sounds like I’m on crack doesn’t it? Hear me out as I explain my theory team by team...

Let's start with Alison and Donny:
She was locked in a house and rescued by a "Prince." Is this not some sleeping beauty action going on here?

Bob and Joyce:
Has anyone seen The Rescuers? These two are so cute, even mousey cute. I could see them flying around on an albatross together.

Brandon and Nicole:
Religious and attractive. I know y’all saw Hunchback of Notre Dame. She is so dead on Esmerelda it’s not funny. He could pull off the knightly gentlemen as well. No Brandon, I am not calling you Quasimodo.

Charla and Mirna:
I love ‘em already! You may think I will throw out a Snow White scenario here but I won't. I fit them into my theme as Bambi and Thumper. They’re both cute as can be but perhaps a little naive looking. I'll be rooting for them!

Chip and Kim:
God, these two look like a perfect pair, so I'll hand them the highest title of Mickey and Minnie themselves. They'll do well, I can feel it.

Colin and Christie:
They are more Aladdin and Jasmine than Aladdin and Jasmine. LOOK AT THEM! If they find a flying carpet, hand them the million.

Dennis and Erika:
These two win the "Colors Of The Wind Award.” That’s right: John Smith and Pocahontas. Look at her smile. And sky diving naked? I’m sure Pocahontas jumped from waterfalls buck naked! (Hopefully this Dennis does a little better than me and my Dennis.)

Jim and Marsha:
Simplest one of them all: King Tritan and Ariel. Give him a magic staff. I hope she can sing, she would be totally cute with some seashells on.

Kami and Karli:
Oooh, tricky one. If they’re evil, we’ve got the whole evil step sister ploy or perhaps the Siamese cats from the Lady and the Tramp. But I think they’ll do "wonderfully" -- as would Alice in Wonderland...times two.

Linda and Karen:
Looking at them I can’t help but wait for them to start singing Beauty and the Beast. I see a little Miss Potts resemblance here, anyone else? Beware if they should turn to the dark side, a little Ursula may shine through. But I think they'll be on the good side.

Marshall and Lance:
They crack me up already and they haven’t said a word! I could throw Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum out there, but I think they'll better fit with Donald and Goofy. Just wait!

Okay, so maybe I’m on crack. But I thought they all fit the characters quite well. From the get go, I see no supervillains. They all look like members of the Mickey Mouse club, except some are older, some are balder, and some have bigger boobs. But, should they all wear mouse ears at some point – then you’ll all notice the resemblance.

Andrew of Dennis and Andrew
The Amazing Race 3