Fashion Reports

Fashion Report - Episode Ten

This week, Iím pondering shaved chests Ė mostly the who and why of shaved chests.
Daria: This week, Iím pondering shaved chests Ė mostly the who and why of shaved chests. Jeff? Chip? Theyíre both smooth-chested in the credits, but in the ice-swimming roadblock they were each hairy. Of course, Iím surprised I noticed chest hair at all, considering that very intriguing tattoo across Chipís back, as well as Chipís rather prominent, um, nutbunches. And this was a stomperific episode if ever weíve had one. But chest-shaving? If youíre not a model or competitive swimmer? Has this become a mainstream male vanity practice, or are Chip and Jeff on the extreme with this? This inquiring mind wants to know, at least when sheís not rewinding that tape again and again and again.

Hildy: I donít understand the whole gestalt of the shorn chest. It seems to me that chests do better with a certain amount of manly fur. (Backs are another story altogether--When it comes to a Bathmat Back, Iíd be all over the economy-size jugs of Nair.) But that tattoo knocked me out of my chairóit was completely out of the fictional Chip character that resides in my head. Then, I had just barely scrambled back into my seat when the nutbunches flashed on screen. Whomp! There I was, picking myself up off the Berber again. Holy Banana Hammock, Batman!

Daria: I give up on Reichenís yellow shorts. Theyíre obviously his favorites, which must be why heís worn them three episodes in a row. At least he races well while wearing them. If thatís the case, I hope he continues to wear them. His orange sweater was more to my taste, as were Kellyís low-slung khakis.
Whoops! The Hypocritemeter just took a look at the 10 pair of black pants hanging in my closet and heeled over into red alert status.
Hildy: Very humbly, I must confess, I like the yellow shorts. Thereís so much black and olive and khaki around, itís nice to see a flash of color. (Whoops! The Hypocritemeter just took a look at the 10 pair of black pants hanging in my closet and heeled over into red alert status.) I really enjoyed Chipís color block outfit of a red long sleeved Tshirt paired with a royal blue and black fleece vest. It really popped.

Daria: And do we have any idea where the clowns get the strange headgear? Alís black bonnet that tied beneath his chin must be practical, but it made him look like an old baby. A very old baby. Yick! I am reluctantly moving from giving the clowns, whom I love, a pass for practicality to thinking that they simply have bad taste. Meanwhile, Jeff brought out the multi-colored knit hating hat. Another yick! Only now it looks like itís been grubbed up at the bottom of his pack for a week or so. Whatever happened to the WonderTwins and their Febreeze obsession? Which, if I recall correctly, ranked just behind their dental hygiene obsession. And now Iím wondering if they shaved their chests. Sheesh.

Hildy: That hat was dreadful! Like a Bizarro Team Shower Fresh moment. My theory is that heís wearing it out of respect for Jon. After all, it did make his head look like a tiny cannonball.
Now, a comment on the underwear.
Now, a comment on the underwear. Chipís, um, shining moment made me wonder whether one can buy underwear that accentuates the positive, so to speak, which got me thinking about underwear fashions. I was surprised to see the range of nice-looking skivvies on display. Not a tighty whitey in the bunch, and Jonís were very nice, in particular. Too bad nobody went commandoóthat would have put me on the floor for the rest of the episode.

Daria: Iím also giving up on Philís wardrobe. I know WalMart is a sponsor, and we all love the TAR sponsors just for being there, but the shirt he wore in the episode opening looks like it came from their 2-for-$5 rack. And please donít get me started on the sweater. The Amazing Editors gave us only a glimpse of the greeter, which was sad considering the lack of local color. People bustling about in big cities in the winter tend to dress alike worldwide, so we saw mostly black coats in this episode.
Somebody on the forums said that the sweater made Phil look like a Pez dispenser, and I agree.
Hildy: Somebody on the forums said that the sweater made Phil look like a Pez dispenser, and I agree. Phil is a handsome guy, but he has a relatively small face and turtlenecks just shrink it more. We donít want Amazing Shrunken Head Phil! We want, well, amazing sweaty shirtless Phil, for the most part. I donít think thatís too much to ask.

Daria: No one inspired me to give a Pretty People award this week. Reichen and Chip would win it on a technicality, but in reality Iíd rather give another Lifetime Achievement Award to the WonderTwins (shaved chests or naturally hairless) and John Vito and Jill. Or perhaps while this episode was being filmed, the Supremes and Tangerine were looking fabulous at Sequesterville and likely deserved it. But I donít actually know that. So thereís no award this week.

Now, for the Ugly Ass award? Just as last week you didnít think AssJon should tell Kelly to **** off, I donít think she should call him an ass**** (to use CBSís weird editing). Even if he is one Ė and donít get me started Ė itís not right. So Iíll give the happy couple an early wedding present Ė another Ugly Ass award. Pfffftttt!

Hildy: Heh. They are the ugliest asses left, arenít they? Looks as if they have a lock on the award for the rest of the season, Iím sad to say. But youíve got me thinking about the great possibilities of the lifetime achievement awards. Hmmmm.

Donít forgetóTARCon is only weeks away! Itís not too early to start combing Prada for your party outfit!