Fashion Reports

Fashion Report - Episode Nine

By yourself, with someone else, in a group, in bed, on the floor, or on the kitchen counter Ė it doesnít matter where you do it, but do it you must.
Daria: Welcome back from vacation, Hildy. Even though weíve seen all the clothing before, this episode gave us a wealth of material. Iíll cut right to the chase: Millie, dear, there are certain bodily urges, even needs, that cannot be ignored. High on the list is something that starts with ďsĒ and has the middle letter ďeĒ. By yourself, with someone else, in a group, in bed, on the floor, or on the kitchen counter Ė it doesnít matter where you do it, but do it you must. Meet this bodily need, and you are a calmer, happier person. Ignore it, and you become frustrated and bitchy, distracted and distraught. I am, of course, talking about SLEEP!!! Wow Ė talk about a picture of Killer Fatigue. And lack of sleep aged Millie 10 years from the previous episode. Which is a pity, because sheís an attractive young woman under normal circumstances. But in this episode, she looked like hell.

Hildy: Hee. I heartily concur. Itís all very well to be competitive, but your brain and body only work when you take care of them, dear. Hypercompetitiveness turns into a weakness when not properly controlled.
Bad hair might have been contagious, because Chuckís looked awful.
Daria: The sad thing is, I thought Millieís little olive tee was darling. But she was otherwise the picture of hysteria. Even her hair looked bad. Bad hair might have been contagious, because Chuckís looked awful. I donít know if he slept on it wrong or had the haircut that no man should get before going on the race, but he looked like heíd been attacked by a swatch of fake fur. I have two items for the burn pile this week. I still donít like Reichenís loud yellow shorts. On the other hand, Alís red shirt has stopped bothering me. But Kelly should have left her teensy little Lycra short-shorts at the beach house. This is a race, not a see-and-be-seen bar.

Hildy: I like Millieís Tee, and I liked the shorts, too, which is pretty much inconsistent with my previous stance on cargo trousers. Let me see if I can create a loophole to wiggle through. Oh yes, here it is: Those shorts looked like a combination of lifeguard short styling and cargo short coloring. Phew. That was a close one.

Daria: Last week, Swimmerboy and I had some giggles at the expense of Reichen, who up to that point had done most of his emoting with his eyes. This week, however, he got all goofy with those charming orangutans. I love men who love animals, and I thought he and Chip were adorable! Their excellent stompers donít hurt, either. This was a good week for stompers Ė Davidís sleeveless tee showed his off to nice effect, and the clowns both have good, strong builds.
I have fully denounced my previous Clownist bigotry.
Hildy: Okay, I have to confess here that I have previously laughed a rich, loud laugh at the very notion of clowns having stompers. In my head, those clowns were little round men with big red noses, and nothing was going to shake that image, thank you very much. But this week, the size 20 clown shoes fell from my eyes, and I was forced to notice that those guys are built! With stompers! I have fully denounced my previous Clownist bigotry.

Daria: This episode had fewer local costumes than the previous one, but the headdress on the greeter was noteworthy. I also liked the intricate weaving at the top of the Chipsterís fruit baskets. And Philís blue shirt was yummy!

Hildy: Philís shirt was an improvement, thatís for sure, but I didnít fall in love. Why canít one of the sponsors of this show be J. Crew? I ask you. My favorite local costume by far were the red fur suits worn by the Fast Forward locals. Not something Iíd want to wear for a night on the town, but on them, it worked.

Daria: Yet again, Iím with Reichen and Chip for the weekly Pretty People award. First place, sweet behavior at the FF and, with the exception of the yellow shorts, their usual sharp looks won my vote. And Iím voting the Clowns again for the runner up spot. Good racing, gentlemanly behavior, and muscular arms pull them into second place.

The Ugly Ass award is tough for me this week. I thought AssJon was particularly nasty on the CBS video clips, and I donít find him particularly funny Ė just mean. But Millie was so over the top, how can I ignore her? And the bad behavior was a result of bad racing Ė because neglecting opportunities for sleep is bad racing indeed. So my vote goes to Millie, all by herself, with AssJon a distant second.
While I am now a postulant at the Holy Temple of Clown Love, I cannot go so far as to give them a Pretty Person award.
Hildy: While I am now a postulant at the Holy Temple of Clown Love, I cannot go so far as to give them a Pretty Person award. Yes, they race well and seem to be great people, but the third leg of the PP stool just is never there. They dress horribly. Do rags (yeah, I know, practical.) Sleeveless T shirts and baggy swishy shorts. Yech. Iím with you on the ReiChip PP award, tho. They certainly are pretty to look at.

As for the Ugly Ass award, Iím gonna go with AssJon. I felt sorry for Millie, because she was so clearly exhausted, and she did take full responsibility for her giant map snafu. But AJ told his fiancťe to go F**k herself. If I were Queen of the World, heíd be in big trouble.