Fashion Reports

Fashion Report - Episode Four

Daria: This week, I became increasingly aware of hair. All of the remaining women have long hair, and they must put it up on the fly, because they’re usually reading the first clue with it down. Eventually, they’re wearing clips, braids, hair bands, and the like – except for Tian and Jaree, who keep it down. Throughout this episode, Tian was quite striking, but while she was changing the tires at the roadblock I kept thinking she’d get grease all over it and freak out. Or yell at it.

Hildy: Long hair worn down during the race bothers me, as it seems like a bad general practice—you can guarantee that it’ll get all rat’s nesty during the leg, so the smart thing to do would be to keep it under some sort of control. Your grease monkey example is a case in point. Wouldn’t you rather have the hair out of the picture and be able to concentrate on the task at hand? Unless you were Team ATC, of course. They didn’t have to worry about hair so much as they did busting the zipper on the jumpsuit. I wonder if the show makes them pay for incidental damages. I can see the bill at the end of the Race now: “One zipper: 69 cents. Overstretched Bungee: 43.87; redundant use of whale jokes: 30 minute penalty.”
Incidentally, I’m convinced that Mr. Bruckheimer likes to invent stunts that force the racers into very silly costume.
Incidentally, I’m convinced that Mr. Bruckheimer likes to invent stunts that force the racers into very silly costume. I’m waiting for them to have to put on Tyvek suits with respirators for some reason. Actually, they might come in handy this week, now that I think of it. What other ridiculous things could they be forced to wear?

Daria: Team Who’s Jeff – or Dave, I keep thinking this is the testosterone version of Dark Hair/Light Hair – has a hideous, dark-blue, long-sleeved t-shirt with white horizontal stripes. It goes into my clothing-that-must-burn pile. I believe the same Who owns the bright red bandanna that also goes into my burn pile. It’s a shade of red that should only worn as nail polish or women politicians’ suits. That’s not to say it’s feminine, it’s just wrong. And speaking of female vs wrong, here’s where I bitch about those inept, bumbling fathers in the J.C. Penney ads. They’re your kids, too, dads – learn how to handle them yourselves. Ah, I feel so much better now!

Hildy: I hate those ads, too! Thanks for passing on the message that it’s okay to not know how to take care of your own kids, JC Penney. Befuddled dads who are ruled by their kids is just the right kind of parenting message to send. Aaaand, in a grotesque mental contortion designed to get me back on topic, I’m happy to note that most of our racers clothing looks as if it came from REI rather then Herr Penney. With one glaring exception: That dreadful salt and pepper turtleneck that Phil wore at the beginning of the show. Onto the fashion bonfire you go, dreaded sweater. That sweater gave Phil—and I realize that I’m blaspheming here—the merest suggestion of man boobs. Must go rinse out mouth with soap now.
That sweater gave Phil—and I realize that I’m blaspheming here—the merest suggestion of man boobs.
Daria: I mentioned that Tian stood out this week, and Jaree did, too. Yes, they were still difficult people, but with their bulky coats off – finally! – they were able to show off their slender figures with sleek, form-fitting shirts and pants in what appeared to be stretchy fabrics. While at the museum during the Fast Forward, they fit right in. I could see either or both of them hosting an art history show on one of the more high-brow cable networks.

Hildy: Okay, here’s where I pluck a nice big fat bunch of sour grapes and start chewing. Yes, they did look good, but the thing that I noticed about these models? Their faces were not perfect! They had laugh lines and some chin sag! This made me very happy, as misery enjoys a good crowded room full of folks in similar circumstances. The green metallic jacket was less grating this show.
Kelly had a head lamp! I like racers who wear head lamps.
Daria: Kelly had a head lamp! I like racers who wear head lamps. And interviews indicate that Josh hadn’t had a winter jacket during the entire race, despite the fact that racers were told ahead of time to pack for hot and cold climates. I had given him the benefit of the doubt on the coatlessness, thinking perhaps he had a super-micro-fiber shirt and was trying to look cool. In the same situation, I would have demanded the emergency money from the production people and offered to buy a coat from anyone on the streets in Milan willing to trudge home cold.

Hildy: I just read that Josh interview and thought, “You great stupid Git.” (Yes, I did just finish reading Order of the Phoenix. How did you guess?) All I could think of were high schoolers these days, who scorn all form of outerwear as some sort of cultural statement. Perhaps Josh meant the coatlessness as a gesture to his peeps, since he pretty much behaved like a teenager throughout his stay on the race….

Daria: Did you have any thoughts on this week’s greeter, Hildy? I was a history major in college, but I couldn't place this greeter’s character in a particular era or class. I did think he was reasonably handsome, and he wore his clothes well, however.

Hildy: I suspected that he was meant to be a classic Provencal man of the soil. (Why I think this is beyond me—perhaps it’s because I just finished re-reading Mistral’s Daughter for the umpty-fourth time.) At any rate, several posters thought he looked as if he were the long-lost brother of Bob Dylan. I liked the whole ensemble, however--Definitely less skeevy than the maquillage worn by Mr. O Sole Mio.
This week’s runners-up Jon and Al seem to have dropped the mugging, they tied for second, and they played nice with the other teams and each other.
Daria: Last week, I chose Monica and Sheree for my first weekly Pretty People award, given to the team with the best combination of good looks, good nature, and good racing. I’ll spare you the suspense – I’m giving it to them again this week, and for the same reasons as last week. They did well in all three components. This week’s runners-up Jon and Al seem to have dropped the mugging, they tied for second, and they played nice with the other teams and each other. Even Al’s momentary annoyance at Jon while rappelling was expressed as a polite mutter rather than a caustic yell. While not classic male-model material, they have practical short hair cuts, sensible small packs, and a unified-but-not-uniform look, which add up to an overall pleasant appearance. Good going, guys!

Hildy: Pleasant guys if they keep their mouths shut, that is. I can’t really say that they have lousy personalities, because from all accounts they are nice people who race a clean race and have done thoughtful and compassionate things, such as helping out Millie. And the Ham quotient has subsided significantly, thank all the gods. But still, they make me nervous. I worry about the next time they’ll clown around, and all the good will they’ve been accumulating will deflate-- pfffft—just like that.



Not enough fashion talk for you? Talk about it in the forum.