Fashion Reports

Fashion Report - Episode Two

Note: Swimmerboy’s real life has demanded his attention, but the fabulous Hildy has agreed to step in with her fashion opinions and insights. Hildy knows fashion and is currently reading a biography of Coco Chanel, but states that she would “rather have a pair of handmade hiking boots than a pair of Manolo Blahniks.”

Daria: Welcome, Hildy! What do you think of the racers’ clothing and gear thus far?
I have suffered too much Post Traumatic Dork Syndrome to ever think those glasses will look cool.
Hildy: Well, I am right away going to out myself as a Luddite and confess that I did not tape TAR, but then again, I don’t tape shows in general. This means that I took a lot of cryptic notes during the show, and spent quite a bit of time thereafter trying to translate the ensuing hieroglyphics. Unlike you and Swimmerboy, I hated a lot of hats, but for the most part, I have to say that people chose some good looking and practical items. I’m with you on the doubtfulness that Millie’s Pure as the Driven Snow ensemble will wear well, and also I hate Josh’s glasses. Hate. Them. (And if your school pictures grades 3-9 featured THE SAME FREAKING GLASSES, you’d be singing alto to my soprano in the Hatred Harmony. I have suffered too much Post Traumatic Dork Syndrome to ever think those glasses will look cool.)

Daria: Since the racers were all bundled up in their coats this week, most of my comments are specific to Venice. I loved the brocade jacket of this week’s greeter. I also liked the masked revelers in the Roadblock, although I wish we could have seen them in brighter light and more detail. The flowing capes and large-brimmed velvet hats the air traffic controllers wore in the Fast Forward were particularly fetching – I have a friend who’s a high-ranking official at the Federal Aviation Administration, and I’m thinking of suggesting the capes as an ATC uniform. I’m not so sure the hats would work, though.

Hildy: As a matter of fact, I have something to say about a couple of the coats. While I deplore the Match Factor, those yellow parkas of the NFL women looked if they were up to the job, and they looked good, too. Nice color choice by that team. On the other hand, the metallic green monstrosity worn by either Tian or Jaree (sorry, I don’t know them apart yet. I’m terrible with faces) affronted my eyes. I doubt it was waterproof, either, which is probably not a good decision when viewed through the watery lens of Venice hindsight.
I loved the Venetian fashions—the sumptuous silks and velvets made you just want to reach through the TV screen and touch the clothing.
I loved the Venetian fashions—the sumptuous silks and velvets made you just want to reach through the TV screen and touch the clothing. The Renaissance garb was cast into particular high relief when some dripping, stressed racer came up to one of the partiers. In particular, Chris’ wet, haggard face was not done any favors by contrast. (His hat didn’t help, either.)

Daria: If Russell weren’t such an ass, I wouldn’t pick on him for having big ears. But he is an ass, and I do think his ears are pretty big, especially for a model. “Molto grandi!” as they say in Italian.

Hildy: Well, I guess his large ears will be burning for the next couple months if his toolish antics continue. I’m just hoping that Cindy will continue to pin them back for him. Perhaps we could call him Dumbo?

Right, Topic. I am generally a fan of the stubbly look, but Russell’s 5:00 shadow on the train didn’t do him any favors. Then again, I’d probably think he looked adorable if he behaved like Danny or Oswald. (Speaking of adorable….)

Daria: Kelly is still wearing too much make-up. If she stays in the race long, I think she’ll be the last to give it up. Tian, Jaree, Monica, and Sheree all seem to be sneaking some on, but they don’t seem to be trying to look “made up.” Cindy, Millie, and Amanda don’t appear to be wearing any, and I approve. Anything beyond lip gloss is excessive, in my opinion.
We’ll have to measure the relentless advance of shiny forehead syndrome across the well-entrenched makeup defenses of those women.
Hildy: We’ll have to measure the relentless advance of shiny forehead syndrome across the well-entrenched makeup defenses of those women. You have to think that anybody who considers her MAC lip gloss her most important travel item is going to put up a battle of Somme-like proportions. Since my makeup-wearing is confined pretty much to weddings and Christmas parties, I’m right with you on the naked face love. Besides, did you ever take makeup camping? Of course not. That’s essentially what these folks are doing for the next month—camping. Ditch the rouge pots, ladies, it’ll lighten your load. And one more thing: Considering the lack of sleep the racers are battling, it doesn’t make sense for them to rob themselves of any little shred of REM just to put on some eyeliner. But that’s just me. I’m a sleep girl.

Daria: Speaking of lightening the load, I noticed more of the backpacks. I’m very pleased to see that Cindy, Kelly, Monica, and Sheree appear to have packs that are designed for women, instead of using smaller versions of men’s packs. Jon, Jon, and Al also have reasonably sized packs, while everyone else looks like they’re carrying too much. And we had a few more bad knit caps in Episode 2. Jeff’s was colorful, which is exactly what was wrong with it.

Hildy: Yes! I have copious notes on hats! What was with all the thin black skull cap type choices? I actually see the point (small, lightweight, packable, reasonably unoffensive visually) but was amused by the homogeneity of choice. Tian, Jaree, and at least two other folks wore hats of this ilk. Other hat notes, taken verbatim: “Don’t like Jon’s hat.” (Kelly’s Jon.) “Jeff’s striped hat skull? (sic) Ick!” “Chris’ hat sux!” And Amanda’s grey hat with the pink flower? Deplorable.

Daria: In that last sprint to Philimination, Amanda was wearing socks under sandals, with her running shoes tied to the back of her pack. I hope sore feet didn't do her in.

Hildy: Now I like my Tevas and B’stocks as much as the next person (along with my to-die-for cocoa suede Jimmy Choo slingbacks, of course). But I have never embraced the concept of running or hiking in sandals. I know many people use sports sandals for short approach hikes – to rock climbing venues, for example – but wouldn’t a lightweight hiker also do the job, and with far less risk of stumbling, ankle twisting, or foot crushing? In a Race like this, footwear is the most important item you’ll wear, in many cases. Get good stuff, and break it in before approaching Dodger Stadium.



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