Racer Reports

Racer Report - Episode Eleven

Team: David and Jeff
David and Jeff assured themselves of a final three spot by being the only team to seek out a Fast Forward that seemed tailored for a team that knew how to surf. That just about sums up the pivotal eleventh leg of the Race. As we await the team's departure from the Seoul pit stop, Jeff says, "What would you do for a million dollars?"

David and Jeff are the last team to depart the pit stop, 91 minutes behind Kelly and Jon, the first team to depart. At the kite clue marker at Hangang Park on Yeouido Island, they receive the route marker directing the teams to fly to Brisbane, Australia. They also read the Fast Forward clue that directs the teams to drive to a beach located one hour from Brisbane. At Inchon airport, David and Jeff make their reservations onto the same flight as Reichen and Chip and Jon and Kelley. We're not shown how they decided to take that flight, unlike the other three teams. But we do hear them confirming that their flight to Brisbane through Singapore arrives in Brisbane at 6:30 am the next morning. We also see that their flight departs the gate at 2:00 p.m. (although the flight information board shows a scheduled departure time of 13:45 (1:45 p.m.). On arrival at the Brisbane airport, we see David and Jeff first off the plane and running through the terminal. They take a van taxi to the beach where the Fast Forward is located.

In the Fast Forward, teams have to pass a lifeguard test where they paddle out on a surfboard to a swimmer who needs to be rescued, pull the swimmer out of the water, and return the person to the beach. Once they complete the task, the successful team wins the Fast Forward. (In re-watching the episode for this report, I used the still-pause button to read the text of the Fast Forward clue shown on screen during Phil's explanation. Guess what? It's the exposition hands from season two, because the text of the fast forward clue as shown to us this week is actually the fast forward clue for the TAR 2 Namibia fast forward, which was won by Oswald and Danny!)
Their surfboards rolled over, their victim slid back into the water, and it seems like they were laughing at the difficulties they had in manipulating the victim securely onto the surfboard.
David notes that he lives on a beach community and that he's in the water (as a surfer, apparently) twice a week. But when they got out of the van at the beach, they ran the wrong direction and then made a 90-degree turn towards the yellow and red flag and surfboard where their instructor was waiting. It’s apparent that both David and Jeff know how to paddle a surfboard as they paddled out to the victim, who is 150 feet offshore waiting to be rescued. The waves are choppy, and at first they started paddling at an angle away from the victim. It took several attempts before David and Jeff succeeded in getting the victim onto a surfboard. Their surfboards rolled over, their victim slid back into the water, and it seems like they were laughing at the difficulties they had in manipulating the victim securely onto the surfboard. But they eventually succeed and bring the victim to the edge of the shore and successfully carried her onto a carry-board, completing the fast forward. They received their directions to drive to the next pit stop, the Mooloolaba Yacht Club.

When they arrive on the Amazing Mat, they learn from Phil that they are, indeed, team number one, and that they have won yet another vacation (their third, by the way), this time to "exotic Mexico." After we learn that they will be joined by Kelly and Jon and Reichen and Chip as part of the final three teams for this edition of TAR, David and Jeff comment on the final legs: Jeff says: "There's only one winner and nothing else." David concludes this leg with the comment, "You haven't seen anything yet!"

I'm sure we haven't!
–– by theschnauzers
The Korean Airlines gate woman has great knack for telling someone to “fuck off” with a smile on her face. Bitch.
Team: Jon and Al – Team Clown n’ Ball
I knew our guys were in trouble the moment they finally struck good Taxi karma in Seoul. For the very first time they actually had a great driver in a foreign country who spoke perfect English and took them right to the clue. As they reached the clue, their luck ran out. Once in the airport “Chris” at the 24-hour travel network gave them bad info on flights… And then there’s the debacle with the Korean Airlines fucknuts who outright lied and stood in their way from getting on the flight with the rest of the teams. The Korean Airlines gate woman has great knack for telling someone to “fuck off” with a smile on her face. Bitch. Not that I’m bitter at all… No sir.

But with a few days of contemplative mourning I’ve decided to embrace the Clown attitude and roll with things that don’t necessarily go the way I wanted to. Jon and Al did almost everything they could have right in this leg, except give up on their flight earlier. It was nice to see them loosen up with the much more appreciative crowd in Korea. The vaudeville spit take was hysterical. The best joke of the entire season, in my humble opinion. It was wonderful to see Al conquer his fear of heights and the joy on his face for beating it.

It was also refreshing to see their composed reaction to being Philiminated. I know many out there were screaming at their TV’s at that moment, but if you taped it and had a chance to go back and watch them, they said a number of wonderful things. What else would you expect from these classy guys? Jon hoped his family and friends were proud of his effort. How could they not be, Jon? He also stated his desire that his children would learn never to give up and follow the good example he set. Personally, I have been blessed with a phenomenally wonderful father. I love him very much. But I have to admit that I’m a bit jealous of Jon’s kids. If you’re out there, I hope you know how truly outstanding he is. And in true fashion, Al praised Jon.

Jon and Al may not have won the Amazing Race as contestants, but in my opinion and judging from the boards they’ve got so much more. It has been a pleasure to watch them race each week, to see them succeed as human beings. Thank you, Gentlemen, and good luck in all your future endeavors. I hope to see ya at TARCon.
–– by MJMarble


Team: Kelly and Jon
They leave the pit stop first and when they can’t get a taxi driver who speaks English, instruct him to go to a hotel so they can get directions. Kelly VOs that she’s feeling the pressure of being the last girl in the race because the last few tasks have been difficult and she’s hurt herself. She says she’s doing the best that she can. They get to a hotel and Kelly asks for “some help or information from you boys.” They go out front and there are two guys practicing their martial arts on each other. One almost bumps into Kelly as she is asking the doorman to tell the driver where they need to go. Despite leaving the pit stop in 1st place, they arrive at the kites in 3rd.

Jon then does his best to destroy the route marker setup. He pulls the wrong line and it snaps and all these pretty kites come fluttering to the ground. Kelly VOs that “he’s pulling the main kite string down and all you hear is the Korean people going ‘uh oh’.”

Kelly says “That sucks” and Jon is confused as to how they are supposed to get the clue. Finally they tug on the proper string and retrieve their clue. When I first watched this, I thought this was going to be the penalty that was hinted at.
On their way to the airport the evil and dastardly fog rolls in like an unwanted house guest, complete with pet mynah bird and “her own food.”
On their way to the airport the evil and dastardly fog rolls in like an unwanted house guest, complete with pet mynah bird and “her own food.” The sense of foreboding is overshadowed by Jon’s need for drama. “It was like Zeus came out of the clouds with a lightning bolt and went (“pow”-like sound that I can’t spell out because I’m onomatopoeia-ly challenged) and the cloud just came in.” Oh. Kay. I swear I will understand why Aston Kutcher is considered sexy before I’ll ever understand Jon’s verbal illustrations.

They arrive at Inchon Airport right behind Reichip, who are completing their arrangements. Jon comes up right beside them and tells the next agent “Can I have exactly what they have? I want their ticket - what they get.” There’s a shot of Chip looking constipated. Then Jon once again says the episode title “Such a nice pheromone smell to you. Just makes me wanna stay close to you”. The funniest thing about this is that the juvenile that is Jon actually knows the word pheromone and can use it in a sentence! Reichen VOs that Jon tries to make them stereotypically gay but it bothers him that they both are more masculine and manly than Jon. The editors stuck this in there after the pheromone comment, but I don’t see where Jon’s chiding had anything to do with gay vs. straight. I just took it as “golly, I am drawn to you in such a way that I simply MUST piggyback on your hard work to stay close to you”. Gee, that sounds gayer than what Jon said.

When they arrive in Brisbane, David and Jeff deplane and are outta there like a man being shot out of a cannon. (sniff) Kelly is off and says that Jon is still on the plane. Right here is where I would suppose they decide the FF was out of their grasp. Kelly finds out the quickest way to the detour is by train rather than cab. Reichip’s cab does seem to get caught in traffic and K/J’s train is speedy, but Reichip beats them to the detour. Chip and Jon are the first members of their team to perform the detour. They rappel face first down the 17 story building. Chip beats Jon to the ground and cheerfully gloats “He was watching the gay man and he learned from the gay man”. Chip VOs that “It really bothers Jon that a gay man can rappel down the side of a building quicker than he can.” I don’t see this at all. In fact, I don’t see any attitude toward Reichip that he doesn’t have with any other team. I remember when Tara told Oswald that the boomerang should be easy for him because he had a limp wrist. Oswald laughed and called her a bitch and it was done. Sigh. Good Times. Kelly then gets ready for her descent. A friendly Aussie with a cute smile seeing her nervousness tells her “Welcome to Australia”. She worries about her hand, which she hurt during the last leg’s detour. She asks Reichen, who’s also ready to go, “Are you scared Reichen?” He says matter-of-factly, “Not really.” Hah! PSYCHE! And… she’s off. She does pretty well in the early going while the wall is still smooth. Her problem starts when she gets to the section where balconies and plants become major impediments. Then she freezes and seems afraid to let go of the rope. She begins screaming and sounds like she’s in a Lamaze class. I feel badly for her as Jon tries to lighten up her mood by yelling “C’mon Kelly, you’re letting that gay guy beat you”. Reichen, who I guess didn’t hear Chip’s earlier comments to Jon, yells down “Jon you’re an asshole”. Yes. That’s been established. Even by Jon and Kelly. It’s unanimous! Yay! Kelly says at one point “I don’t think I weigh enough”. Yeah, I have that same problem. I have to watch because with one stiff wind, I’m airborne. She insists she’s stuck, but she just panicked and froze. There is a cool shot from above Kelly and you see Reichip running on the path beneath her. Jon tells her to step on the wall and this seems to help her get her bearings and Jon shows concern in a VO about this being the first time he’s seen Kelly shaken up. She screeches “I hate this I HATE THIS”. She tells Jon to catch her and she’s finally on the ground. She’s gutsy.

They finish the roadblock behind Reichip, but because they had a good map and located Underwater World before getting into the car, make it to their destination right before the boys. Kelly offers to do the roadblock, but Jon does it. He seems to have an OK time of it, while Kelly is on the other side of the glass waving at him and squealing about the stingray touching his head. When Jon finally gets the clue, Kelly waves at him. Jon gives this cute little “I don’t want it to get bitten off” wave. Jon VOs that as he’s leaving the tank, he passes Reichen, whose eyes were like a cat’s and if he had claws, he’d be hanging from the ceiling. I’ve paraphrased that, and I think that’s what he meant. It’s Jon after all. After Kelly sees Reichen using his hands for balance with “Bruce” swimming up on him from behind, she yells “Reichen! Put your hands together, buddy!”

They take off for the pit stop and Kelly reads the clue “Make your way on foot. On FOOT babe. Talk about yer déjà vu, dude. Hilarious. As they make their way, they see the boys pass them in their car. Kelly says incredulously “Chip and Reichen! They didn’t walk!” When they check into the pit stop, they are told they are the 3rd team to arrive but since Chip and Reichen totally Heaved the clue, they are officially in 2nd place. Yay! So Kelly and Jon are in the final three and are the first to make it without the use of the FF.

Then the thing that makes the rest of the race less exciting and less emotionally involving happens. Jon and Al, gentlemen extraordinaire and one of the best teams to grace this race ever were Philiminated. Goodnight sweet clowns.
–– by emjaytee
Killer Fatigue? Meet the Chipsters. Chipsters? Meet Killer Fatigue.
Reichen & Chip − The Chipsters
Killer Fatigue? Meet the Chipsters. Chipsters? Meet Killer Fatigue.

Oh yes. This is the week they really start losing it. After a strong leg swimming under the ice and eating squirmy things, the Chipsters take off at 3:55 a.m. looking for Hangang Park. They have trouble with their cabbie, who doesn’t speak much English and says ‘OK’ after everything they ask him. Kimchi anyone? They are again burdened by the fact that the rest of the world does not happen to speak English, particularly in countries like Korea where they speak Korean. They show their frustration in the cab, then really lose it when the cabbie doesn’t turn fast enough after they’ve spotted the kites, and throw in a threat not to pay the poor guy just for good measure. Taxi karma anyone? As Chip slams the door yelling ‘ ‘Speak English!’’ I cringe openly for the first time since LineGate in Venice.

The clue they retrieve from the kite directs them to fly to Brisbane, so they find another cab and are off to the airport. They book a flight through Singapore to Australia, due to leave early in the morning. There is some interesting banter between Chip and AssJon while they’re booking the tickets. Jon mocks hitting on Reichen, while Reichen voices over that Jon seems intimidated by the fact two gay men are more manly than heteroJon. In what, I think, is one of the first weather delays we’ve seen on the show, a thick fog prevents the Chipsters plane from taking off until the early afternoon. All the other teams, with the exception of the Clowns, wait for the flight with the Chipsters.

Upon arriving in Brisbane, the teams are directed to a certain hotel near the transit centre where they must check in with the Concierge and be escorted to the penthouse. Then they have to walk back down to ground level. Simple, no? Except for the fact that the walking has to be headfirst down the front of the building. Eek! Actually, this looked like a lot of fun. The Chipsters take a cab and just beat Kelly and Jon to the Detour, but they are head to head walking down the building. I think the editors are seeking for new rivals for Kelly and Jon, because once again, we get Chip bugging Jon about how he’s being beaten by a couple of gay men. Hee! Reichen flies down the side of the building and they’re off and running for UnderWater World in Mooloolaba. The Chipsters, still showing signs of killer fatigue, fail to properly read their map and end up following Kelly and Jon to the location, despite having left before them.

Roadblock time. This week Reichen takes a swim, only this time it’s in a tank full of sharks. After being given careful instructions about how now to get bitten, Reichen inches his way towards the clue. He looks terrified. Jon has beaten him out of the tank, so the Chipsters are trailing them as they run for the pit stop. They’re in such a hurry, they don’t stop to read the clue. READ THE CLUE DAMNIT! Sheesh. Seeing that Kelly and Jon running, they decide to drive to the pit stop. Well, actually, they run, then they think about driving, then they run some more, then they run past their car so they get in. Did Chip have his thumb over the part of the clue that said ‘on foot‘ or something? He’s driving along, holding the clue in his hand! When they arrive at the pit stop, Phil informs them they’ve been assessed a 35 minute penalty for their [stupid] mistake. They have to wait and see whether the clowns arrive within the 35 minutes. Much to many a TWOPers dismay, they do not, and the Chipsters live to see the final three. For a dumb move like that, they did deserve to be Philiminated, but I’m glad they’ll get to see the end of the race.

Next week? Kangaroos! ATV’s! Running over other teams! Let’s get nasty everyone.
–– by devajd
After telling us about Seoul, we see that Phil is still wearing, well, lets just say that unfortunate fashion choice from last week.
Host: Phil
Phil starts off by eliminating Millie and Chuck (well, just because I was out of town, doesn’t mean I don’t get to write up that great moment). Since there are only four teams left, Phil then tells us what happened to the final four teams every minute of the previous leg. After telling us about Seoul, we see that Phil is still wearing, well, lets just say that unfortunate fashion choice from last week. He then tells us that after this leg, we will know the final 3.

We then see the teams at the airport (I knew at this point that the clowns had been eliminated. During the interview with the Clowns, the look on Jon’s face said it all). After the AYL takes us to Australia, we see that Phil has on his warm weather outfit (the short sleeve blue shirt and khakis) and he tells us about the Fast Forward (I still cannot believe that the surfers got that FF). Sigh. Oh well, Phil then returns to tell us about the Detour (face first vs foot first). After walking down the building, Phil is off to the Underwater World at Mooloolaba to tell us how to correctly pronounce Mooloolaba and to pose by a shark to tell us about this week’s roadblock – to avoid being dinner for some sharks.

Phil then returns to tell us about this week’s pit stop and that the teams must race on FOOT (yes, R&C, on foot. I love you guys but start READING THE DAMN CLUES) to the Mooloolaba Yacht Club where the fun begins. Along with a lovely young lady, Phil welcomes Team Who and awards them a vacation in Mexico. (Team Who seems more excited about seeing the woman than the trip). Then, well, R&C arrive. Phil tells them about the penalty and we have to wait to see how far behind the clowns are. Kelly and Jon arrive and then…sigh…we sadly say farewell to the clowns. Personally, I don’t think what R&C did made a difference; they still would have come in the final 3 without being stupid enough to drive across the street. But I think that the Clowns ran almost a perfect race, they had fun, always got along and I don’t remember them making any mistakes. It was all due to one damn flight.
–– by M. Darcy